Blog Guy, I have a question about politicians and alcohol. It seems like officials in other countries have a lot more freedom to drink than ours in the U.S. do.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The stockings were waiting, but what do you think?
Santa decided to go for a drink!
“My life really sucks!” he told bartender Steve,
“It seems like I’m working on EACH Christmas Eve!
“My marriage is finished, my wife says I’m weird,
“She don’t understand me, she don’t like my beard!
“I think I’ll try freedom, I’ll give it a whirl!
“Perhaps I’ll end up with a cheerleader girl!
“I’m totally serious! It isn’t a joke!
“I’ll tell you the best part, but I need a smoke!”
Then Santa went outside, now Dasher, now Dancer,
Too hammered to read the big warning of cancer,
The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
His cheeks were like roses, his eyes all a-twinkle,
He lurched to the men’s room, and stopped for a tinkle
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
He demanded another martini, dry
Then I heard him exclaim with his mouth like a potty,
“That fricking Blog Guy has been TERRIBLY naughty!
“I swear by my reindeer and each little hoofy,
“He’s been running photos of me that are goofy!
“I know who’s been good, and I know who has not,
“And on Christmas, that Blog Guy is opening squat!”
Top: Participants in SantaCon Boston 2010, a gathering of people dressed as Santa going from bar to bar, drink at the Asgard Pub in Cambridge, Massachusetts, December 18, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder
Blog Guy, I recall that you have a problem around the holidays. You have too much Christmas spirit, and you’re always looking for ways to tone it down and restore your cynicism. Last year it was that souvenir statuette in Milan that finally did it for you. How’s it going this season?
So Doc, tell me. How did the operation go to remove that cyst? I feel great!
Well Lamar, surprisingly it wasn’t a cyst at all. It was a bullet, lodged right there in your head, I’d say for five or six years. You’ve been carrying it around all this time.