Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I want to propose a….yikes!

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officials booze combo 490

Blog Guy, I have a question about politicians and alcohol. It seems like officials in other countries have a lot more freedom to drink than ours in the U.S. do.

Yes, it’s just an odd fact of life. Citizens elsewhere seem to be more comfortable seeing their leaders drink.

USA-CHINA/You take Germany. Above, there’s Chancellor Angela Merkel drinking wine, and the German  Agriculture Minister not only drinking beer, but seeming to enjoy it.

By contrast, look at this photo on the right, of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton just holding a glass of wine at a state dinner.

How Blog Guy made the Naughty List

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USA/

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

night before smoke 220The stockings were waiting, but what do you think?

Santa decided to go for a drink!

“My life really sucks!” he told bartender Steve,

“It seems like I’m working on EACH Christmas Eve!

“My marriage is finished, my wife says I’m weird,

“She don’t understand me, she don’t like my beard!

“I think I’ll try freedom, I’ll give it a whirl!

“Perhaps I’ll end up with a cheerleader girl!

USA/“I’m totally serious! It isn’t a joke!

“I’ll tell you the best part, but I need a smoke!”

Then Santa went outside, now Dasher, now Dancer,

Too hammered to read the big warning of cancer,

The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath

His cheeks were like roses, his eyes all a-twinkle,

He lurched to the men’s room, and stopped for a tinkle

GERMANY/As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,

He demanded another martini, dry

Then I heard him exclaim with his mouth like a potty,

“That fricking Blog Guy has been TERRIBLY naughty!

“I swear by my reindeer and each little hoofy,

“He’s been running photos of me that are goofy!

“I know who’s been good, and I know who has not,

“And on Christmas, that Blog Guy is opening squat!”

night before cheer 490

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Top: Participants in SantaCon Boston 2010, a gathering of people dressed as Santa going from bar to bar, drink at the Asgard Pub in Cambridge, Massachusetts, December 18, 2010. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Right: SantaCon participant smokes outside the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Left: SantaCon participant drinks a beer at the Asgard Pub. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

We’ll take a cup of kindness yet…

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PORTUGAL/

Blog Guy, I recall that you have a problem around the holidays. You have too much Christmas spirit, and you’re always looking for ways to tone it down and restore your cynicism. Last year it was that souvenir statuette in Milan that finally did it for you. How’s it going this season?

Pretty good. I’m feeling more cynical after seeing photos of these two beggars who panhandle for money to buy booze using the slogan, “At least I’m honest.”

Care for some more folk vodka?

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BELARUS/

Blog Guy, you have access to news from all over the world, and you should do more to celebrate other cultures. As times change, we need to reflect on old values and traditions.

ethnographic still 300You’re right. Today we’ll have a look at an ethnographic festival in a village in Belarus.

Would sober guys wear these hats?

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GERMANY/

Hello Boss, sorry to bother you at home. It’s me, Gretchen. You hired me as a bartender, remember?

Of course! Danke schön for calling, Gretchen. How are things going at the beer hall?

How drunk do you have to BE, Lamar?

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So Doc, tell me. How did the operation go to remove that cyst? I feel great!

ODD-GERMANY/BULLETWell Lamar, surprisingly it wasn’t a cyst at all. It was a bullet, lodged right there in your head, I’d say for five or six years. You’ve been carrying it around all this time.

A bullet, huh? I’ll be! I guess that would be from a New Year’s Eve party.

Those are some scary mug shots!

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GERMANY/

Boy, it’s getting close now, Blog Guy! It’s almost Oktoberfest time in Germany. Will I see you over there?

No way in hell.

GERMANY/Ah. For the usual reason?  “I have no interest in linking arms and singing about sauerkraut with 10,000 exuberant drunks in Lederhosen,” was what you said last year.

Have a cold one, we’ve got you covered!

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“Team, we’re here to brainstorm a brand-new Coca-Cola ad campaign, built around this new photo we found on that ODD Blog.

“The photo wasn’t supposed to be available for commercial use, but we paid that stupid Blog Guy a fortune for the rights.

Thanks for auditioning, we’ll call you…

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RUSSIA/

Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice.  I’m a dancer looking for work. Whenever I say I’m a dancer, people think I mean stripper.

RUSSIA/Yeah, that’s a common problem. I notice the same thing when I tell people I’m a blogger. What can I do for you?

Won’t this vacation ever end?

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Lately, we here at reuters.com have been offering etiquette advice for a wide variety of social situations. You may have found our tips very informative, if you were raised in the wild by wolves.

Our Dining with the boss advised not to “clank your utensils loudly against your teeth,” while our tips on Summer dress etiquette said if you plan to wear sandals to work, “be sure your feet look and smell appropriate for business…”