My personal policy is I don’t drink booze with anything floating in it that I wouldn’t eat. I’ve missed out on some good tequila, but rules are rules.

That brings us to Bayou Bob, of Bayou Bob’s Brazos River Rattlesnake Ranch. Texas authorities say he was selling bottles of vodka with dead baby rattlesnakes.

Now, you’d think it would be pretty hard to GIVE that stuff away, but it seems Bob found folks who would pay $23 a bottle. These must be guys who fail to grasp the concept of displacement; once you cram a 10-inch snake in a bottle, there’s not much room left for vodka.

If you DID buy a bottle, how should you serve Bob’s stuff? My bartender’s guide suggests cocktails such as a “Death Rattle,” a “Fang ‘n’ Tang,” or a refreshing summer drink called “Venom ‘n’ Lemon.”

Related post: Which end of the snake goes in my mouth?

Not the same guy: Heart of Texas Snake Handler Jack Bibby dangles rattlesnakes from his mouth in a 2007 file photo REUTERS/Jessica Rinaldi

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A frequent topic here is “Stuff you Wouldn’t Put in your Mouth for a Million Dollars.” This brings us to a Reuters story about haggis, a Scottish dish which is basically a sheep’s heart, liver and lungs wrapped inside its stomach lining. In other words, sort of like a turducken gone terribly wrong.

The U.S. has banned imports of haggis. Scotland wants to get the ban lifted, because supposedly Scottish people living here really want to buy the stuff. If you live in heavily Scottish areas of the U.S., this will explain the long lines at the butcher counters in Piggly Wiggly, as shrill bagpipers demand a haggis fix.

My opinion is, Scotland got it exactly right with single malt Scotch, but really blew it when they started stuffing internal organs into each other and calling it food. My solution is, the U.S. should allow haggis to be imported, ONE AT A TIME. When one sells, they get to bring in another one. I’m guessing that first one will be around for a long time.  

More blog posts on bizarre food:

A 2000 file photo shows Darren McCarty competing in the throwing of the haggis competition during Highland Games in Livonia, Michigan. REUTERS/Rebecca Cook

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Okay, folks, it wasn’t that tough an assignment. The photographer was supposed to get cute pictures of a famous kid, her dolly and a cola. But here we sit, on deadline, with umpteen magazine-quality portraits of the girl, the Dalai Lama, and a koala.

I just don’t know how the client is gonna take this. Let’s get those creative juices flowing and use Post a Comment to come up with some new campaign slogan ideas to save the day.

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Tibet’s spiritual leader the Dalai Lama pats a koala held by Bindi Irwin at Australia Zoo during his Australian tour, June 13, 2007. REUTERS/Greg White

If you like those stories where researchers find that something really decadent might actually, in a complex and twisted way, be good for you, do we have a happy Friday story for you!

It turns out that a fruity cocktail is not only fun to drink, but may even count as health food, since adding the type of alcohol found in rum, tequila, etc. boosts the antioxidant nutrients in strawberries, blackberries and other colored fruit.

According to our story, scientists “stumbled upon their finding unexpectedly.” Presumably stumbled is the operative word here, since you can buy a lot of tequila on a typical research grant. So there’s your good news, which could only be better if they’re willing to classify martini olives as colored fruit.

Oddly Enough Blog

A barmaid holds a cocktail in a 1997 file photo.

You remember the posting yesterday showing a wolf hunter blowing into his gun? It didn’t look like the safest thing in the world, and it brought to mind that wise saying, “Friends don’t let friends suck on a gun barrel.”

Well, it gets better. The hunt is over now, and what nicer way to celebrate than with a picnic on the hood of your car, complete with ample supplies of vodka? We’ve got our guns and our booze and our car - a perfect combo.

“Hey George! Don’t hog that vodka! Pass me another tumbler, and now it’s my turn to stand in front of the gun!”

Oddly Enough Blog

Hunters drink vodka to celebrate a successful wolf hunt in the village of Zarecha, north of Minsk, March 7, 2007. Hunting wolves in Belarus is legal the whole year. REUTERS/ Vasily Fedosenko

Look at those happy, smiling folks at the holiday party. But wait, who’s that guy who’s scowling? Why, he’s the designated driver, and boy, does he have some complaints. Just pour him another Sprite and he’ll tell you all about it.

It turns out, being the sober guy waiting to chauffeur a bunch of hammered imbeciles isn’t quite as much fun as you might think. A new survey shows designated drivers are not a happy lot, according to a story by the AAP.

It isn’t the obligation to stay sober that bothers them. Very few complain about that. No, it’s the other stuff: having to wait until the boozers are ready to leave, getting distracted by fun-loving lush-faces while driving, and watching the drunks run out of cash when it’s time to chip in for gas.

And yes, I’m guessing at least a few of the designated drivers aren’t happy about having their valuable cargo barf in their backseat, now that you mention it. 

A barman takes a break during the “Bar Stars” cocktail competition in Moscow August 25, 2006. REUTERS/Thomas Peter