Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

A different sort of water pick?

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INDIA/

Blog Guy, I know you are an expert on other cultures. A couple from India has moved in next door to us, and I’d like to invite them over for a drink. Any tips for me?

No, just make them feel really welcome and you’ll be fine. Oh, and naturally, break out your best nose cans for the occasion.

INDIA/Excuse me?

Please, you DO know that Indians drink through their noses, right? Oh my gosh, what a cultural faux pas if you had offered them drinks in GLASSES! Look at these photos taken at a nice bar in Punjab, and learn from them.

But… But… I’m not sure our nose cans are fine enough! I’ll go online and order some better ones…. I’m SO thankful I checked with you!

Is this smile as lame as it feels?

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FINLAND

“Madam Prime Minister, I’d like to toast your people with a big glass of this, uh, pinot noir? Merlot?

rhubarb juice crop 240“Oh Mr. President, that’s not red wine, that’s our famous local RHUBARB juice!”

Going beyond routine poutine cuisine

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poutine champ 490

Blog Guy, since Canada just hosted the world leaders and spent a fortune to present a good face to the world, I was wondering if they used the opportunity to promote that popular Canadian dish you’ve written about?

You mean poutine, the dish consisting of french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy ,which they eat in Canada and almost nowhere else.

Out on a limb with Lindsay Lohan?

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lohan 490

Why me, Lord, why ME?

Okay, film production staff, as you know, we signed Lindsay Lohan to a huge three-movie deal and we’re about to begin production. Then, yesterday, a judge ruled that she has to wear this big black butt-ugly alcohol monitoring device on her ankle, 24/7, to make sure she doesn’t drink any booze. It NEVER comes off.

lohan vertical 200So Lamar, hand me those three scripts she’s supposed to start shooting next week. I’m hoping this bracelet device won’t interfere with the story-lines.

Is that a frosty mug I see before me?

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All you people who think I make up everything in this blog, check it out.

A real story, and much better than anything I could invent.

S&N/It turns out that over there in Denmark, several hundred employees at the Carlsberg brewery have stopped work for a couple of days to protest a company decision to limit beer drinking at work to lunch breaks.

I’ll let that sink in for minute. Some of  the workers are cheesed-off because they can ONLY drink at lunch, instead of whenever they want, like they used to.

Action hero bounces a Czech…

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CZECH/

Blog Guy, you know those elaborate fantasy photos you set up for readers? It’s my turn.

Well, you know I only set them up if they’re really weird. Otherwise, they bore me. So what’s your fantasy? You have about 20 words to engage my interest…

Shay, can I get more of thish water?

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PAKISTAN-USA/

 

Lamar, where are you? I know you’re in this storage room, I saw you come in.

hillary glass face crop 240There you are. My God, you’re drunk! Here’s a liter of 100-proof vodka, and it’s almost empty!

This model walks into a bar, see…

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fashion vodka 490

Lamar, those fashion models are getting uppity. Oh, they’re so full of themselves, with their beauty and glamour, we need to take ‘em down a notch.

fashion smoke combo 280Gosh, how do we do that, Boss?

We lower their self-esteem.

Let’s put one of ‘em in lingerie and stiletto heels, send her out on the runway with a big bottle of vodka, and have her ad lib jokes until she’s flat on the floor. She won’t feel so high and mighty then!

Carnival: if you go, don’t plan to go

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Not to seem indelicate, but I guess it’s human nature to worry about having ample places to go to the bathroom. I suspect that if somebody came back to life after having seen the afterlife, our first question would be, “Are there enough toilets over there?”

BRAZIL/

Indeed, travel surveys have found that among Americans planning to go abroad, their number one and number two concerns are, well, number one and number two.

The Goofiest Photos of the Year…

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I’ll admit my blog isn’t very good, but without goofy photos it would be far worse. Trust me. So this is the big day when I reveal the five goofiest photos of 2009. Below are two through five, in no particular order.

goofiest combo four 490

You will now cluck like a chicken!

I’ve got something odd to ask, your Holiness!

You may kiss the bride… No thanks!

Schcuse me… Is thish the schtable?

And now, for the moment we’ve all been waiting for, GOOFIEST SHOT OF THE YEAR, which I’ve saved just for today. The envelope please… It is the only known photo of a U.S. first lady giving the stink-eye to an earthworm. It don’t get no goofier than this!