Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, you’ve given good personal finance advice in the past, and I need some help. I’m falling behind. Here’s my monthly budget. Am I wasting too much money on books?
Um, let me stop you right there. Budget planners with a sharp eye for detail might suggest that $4,000 is a lot for beer every month. Of course I do know there is a precedent, this guy in Australia who was spending $972 a WEEK on beer, but it didn’t work out so well for him.
Quick quiz: you can tell if a woman has class if you offer to buy her a glass of wine and she says…
a) Thank you, I’ll have a supple Margaux
b) Thank you, I’ll have an earthy Syrah
c) Thank you, I’ll have an overpriced Pinot Grigio
d) No thanks, hot-shot, I got me a brassiere full of cheap sweet red, right here!
I did a very popular item about a phrase book for folks going to Austria for Euro 2008, to help get by in the local dialect. The guide is REALLY useful if you get a bit creative. Say you decide to rob a convenience store. By mixing up actual phrases from various pages, you can say:
“All by yourself? Do you have a safe? Give me the money! Do you understand? Come on, you joker, let me get by! I’m making a quick getaway! ”
I read that two English soccer teams are playing in some finals in Moscow, and lots of fans are there.
What an opportunity, since you’re studying in Moscow! We would be THRILLED if you met a British boy and began courting. The English are such gentlemen! You’ll spot them easily. They will be wearing formal attire, and top hats or maybe bowlers.
“Another gherkin for me, please…” Excuse me, I’m just practicing phrases to use in Vienna for Euro 2008, thanks to a guide for visitors who wish to try the local dialect.
Our story says the guide helps with ordering Austrian cuisine, flirting with local women, and other tourist situations. I hope the gherkin line is under food rather than flirting, because not all chicks would consider it a turn-on.
It’s time for yet another edition of “Things Maybe We Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.” We see this race driver sliding along a river of champagne, and our caption just says he “slips down from the podium as he celebrates finishing second place.” This raises questions…
- Shouldn’t a real race driver be able to stand on a podium?
- Was this just another of those champagne tragedies, which mortify thousands of athletes every year?
Blog Guy, it was so interesting to learn about those bidet things in your blog recently. You give your readers a genuine feel for other cultures. It made me wonder, do they take showers in Europe the same way we do here?
They do shower, but it’s different. They get hundreds of people together, and everyone drops some mints into bottles of cola. This creates a shower that drenches them in fizzy froth.
“Oh cripes, Charlene, it’s him again! We call him Toilet Paper Guy. Don’t let him see us! He comes to this bar every Friday, wearing that outfit made of toilet tissue and paper towels. That’s what I’m looking for, a man that can’t afford fabric!
“His pickup lines are the worst! He calls himself the ‘quicker picker-upper,’ you know, from those ads. Last week he asked if I wanted to squeeze the Charmin. I was like, ‘No way, dork!’
From Moscow, news that some billionaire is starting a magazine named Snob. I’m serious.
This is a turning point in publishing. If he can market directly to our worst character flaws, watch out! We’ll see slick, glossy magazines like Big Jerky Butthead, and Wanton Hussy. Subscribe to Town Drunk, and get a year of Stupid Blabbermouth, free!