Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Grandma, here’s your pail of BlackBerries!

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handheld-120.jpgOnce upon a time, Grandma sent her three grandchildren into the woods to gather blackberries, so she could make a fine dessert for dinner.

The first child returned with a pail of plump blackberries. The second came back with red holly berries, which happen to be poisonous. The third went into the city, pulled the Big Con Switcheroo on a bunch of dimwit business guys, and brought grandma a bucket of BlackBerry handhelds with high resale value.

Grandma tossed the plump blackberries out for the robins. She baked the holly berries into a festive pie which she sent to the IRS along with her tax check. Then she pawned the handhelds for a bundle, and tonight she’s eating at Cheesecake Factory. The children get their fine dessert, and granny is knocking back Tanqueray martinis like there’s no tomorrow.

And they all lived happily ever-after.

blackberry-360.jpgTrashed Blackberry phones in a bucket during the NBC Today Show in New York, April 21, 2008. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

Certs is a breath mint! No! It’s a candy mint!

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These folks throwing punches at each other are:

    Hillary Clinton supporters whomping on elitists South Korean lawmakers, in session Battlestar Gallactica fans arguing over the fifth Cylon Spectators at a Davis Cup tennis match

Yeah, I was shocked by this one, but it is indeed tennis fans. Their scuffle was  possibly the most unexpected violence since that outburst at the Boston Pops.  What started it? A dispute over the proper length of a Bloody Mary celery stalk.

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fight-360.jpgSpectators fight in the stands during a Davis Cup World Group tennis match in Buenos Aires April 13, 2008. REUTERS/Marcos Brindicci

One burger to a customer, pal!

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burgers-120.jpgHey blog guy, I’m planning my wedding for June, and I’m on a tight budget. I know you’ve been a professional event planner. Can you give me some money-saving some tips?

Sure. Here are four ideas that really work… 

 1) Print your own invitations. It’s cheaper, plus you can put the wrong address on some and the wrong date on others, cutting the reception crowd in half. 

Sauna non grata?

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Time for another edition of Life without cable TV… Some guy in Russia has built a sauna in a four wheel-drive vehicle, so it can go just about anywhere, and now they are charging customers.

This is a brilliant financial model, what with fuel being so cheap these days. Why not take a gas-guzzling personnel carrier and drive all over creation just to reach a handful of customers? Oh, and did I mention this is in SIBERIA, an actual synonym for nowhere?

Wanna hold my pet rat, honey?

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snake-2-180.jpgLadies, you’ve all been there. An evening out, and you want something to defend yourself, but tasers and mace just don’t seem, you know, festive enough.

So, for times when you need to combine protection and fashion, what’s better than a six-foot snake? Nothing says, “Get lost!” like a big set of fangs dangling over your hand.

The night I made Paris yawn…

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hilton-yawn-160.jpgHey Blog Guy, I read in a gossip column that you went on a date with Paris Hilton! Come on, spill!

Well, it wasn’t a real date. I won a chance to go for drinks with her, and it turned out pretty crazy. We had tumblers of Crème de menthe on the rocks, and bowls of free potato chips. It was hard keeping up with her!

Name your poison? A Snake ‘n’ Shake!

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snakes-mouth-140.jpgMy personal policy is I don’t drink booze with anything floating in it that I wouldn’t eat. I’ve missed out on some good tequila, but rules are rules.

That brings us to Bayou Bob, of Bayou Bob’s Brazos River Rattlesnake Ranch. Texas authorities say he was selling bottles of vodka with dead baby rattlesnakes.

Got Haggis? Happy entrails to you…

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A frequent topic here is “Stuff you Wouldn’t Put in your Mouth for a Million Dollars.” This brings us to a Reuters story about haggis, a Scottish dish which is basically a sheep’s heart, liver and lungs wrapped inside its stomach lining. In other words, sort of like a turducken gone terribly wrong.

The U.S. has banned imports of haggis. Scotland wants to get the ban lifted, because supposedly Scottish people living here really want to buy the stuff. If you live in heavily Scottish areas of the U.S., this will explain the long lines at the butcher counters in Piggly Wiggly, as shrill bagpipers demand a haggis fix.

When gravity becomes the bad news…

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waitress-140.jpgSometimes you see something and you just know it’s not a good idea, and you wonder why it wasn’t obvious to everybody else.

We have this big slideshow from the famous Oktoberfest, the self-described world’s biggest beer festival. About half the photos show folks grabbing huge honking pitchers of beer, while the other half show people climbing onto roller coasters, ferris wheels and other stomach-churning rides, high up over the crowds.

Open a refreshing, frosty can of…what?

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Okay, folks, it wasn’t that tough an assignment. The photographer was supposed to get cute pictures of a famous kid, her dolly and a cola. But here we sit, on deadline, with umpteen magazine-quality portraits of the girl, the Dalai Lama, and a koala.

I just don’t know how the client is gonna take this. Let’s get those creative juices flowing and use Post a Comment to come up with some new campaign slogan ideas to save the day.