Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Nine ways to lose weight and live forever
People say to me all the time, “Bob, your blog is SO stupid, how do you get people to read it?”
These folks don’t understand how online journalism works. You can write anything you want, and if you put a good headline on it people will read it. Especially if you hint at immortality, easy weight loss or better sex.
If your headline offers a numbered list, that’s even better. The best thing of all is a moderately clever play on words, which will attract people who think they are smart, and improve your demographics.
Toss in a photo of a nice dog or the Duchess of Cambridge, and it’s a hit.
This is a very good deal, because it means I work about five minutes a day.
Looking back at the blog for this year, here are my favorite headlines. Smart people, come on down!
Nine things I’ll miss most about this blog
Let’s get the sad news out of the way first.
After an exhilarating five-year run, this blog is ending its run here. Websites change, and take new directions.
The slightly better news is that we have a couple of weeks until my final post, so let’s have fun.
I’ve enjoyed everything about creating and writing Oddly Enough. My advice is, if somebody offers to pay you to be a sarcastic smartass, take the job. Especially if it includes dental insurance.
Some of the things I will miss most…
9. The Photos: The Reuters photo file is a grand candy store. It has been a treat to look through it daily, searching for goofy gems in a sea of serious images. I’m sure it’s fair to say many of the shots in my blog don’t get used anyplace else. Indeed, it was the richness of our photo archive that inspired the blog’s fabled Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, which will be a runaway success if it ever opens.
I’ve never commented in the 2 years I’ve read the blog because I’m quite certain I could never hang with the rest of everyone. I thank you all but especially The Blog Guy… But I’m pretty sure my neighbors and students hate you 
Of the thousands of things they blocked at school, y’all never made the cut.
thank you again and again. Have fun out there on that interweb-wide-machine and keep the shiny side up Mr. Baz.
Hey, I never said I’m proud of myself!
Blog Guy, I’ve just started a new blog, and I could use some advice from a veteran like yourself. What do you do if you want to get a lot of traffic, but you don’t want to work very hard for it?
That’s called cheap pandering to readers with click-bait, and blogging professionals don’t do it.
Yes, but just between you and me. If you wanted to pander, just once, what would you do?
I’d go for a wide audience. I’d anchor it with a really good new photo of Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge. A close-cropped face shot, just oozing with charm.
Very interesting. And then?
Then I’d raise the stakes with a panda sticking out his tongue or something very cute like that. Pandas are solid gold.
You make me head spin, Spinny!
I love the panda, but I agree with Georgia, none of them are Mr.Fab Abs!
As for the boots, they are quite nice, Dave, but me and thigh high boots just dont go.. might have something to do with my height.
Say “I’ll be back,” Duchess….
Blog Guy, it’s me, the one you got hooked on pictures of Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge.
I’ve told you, I got a lot of people hooked on her, with my “first one’s always free” policy.
So, do you have anything fresh? The quality doesn’t have to be great as long as it’s her and it’s new.
Hmmmm. What if she’s smiling like she’s in a religious cult, and she has glowing red Terminator eyes.
I can handle that.
And what if she’s performing in a hard hat with a Village People tribute band?
Peel faster if you wanna be president!
Blog Guy, I’ve been trying to get a job in the exciting outdoor food service industry, and there aren’t any. Do you know why?
Of course. Politicians and celebrities are taking all of them.
Yes! That’s what happened to me! I tried getting work peeling potatoes in Ireland, and they gave the position to a presidential candidate, instead!
Sadly, it’s happening everywhere. Penny-pinching owners of public food stalls are finding VIPs more than willing to do the work, without even having to get pesky health department certifications and stuff like that.
Look at these photos. Sarah Palin serving hot dogs, Kate Middleton flipping pancakes…
Even Tim Pawlenty watching his presidential campaign shrivel up like a porkchop.
No wonder they make mincemeat of all the issues we are facing…
Meet the Duchess of Holiday Weekends
Blog Guy, it’s me, the guy you got hooked on photos of that duchess…
I guess that narrows it down to about nine million guys.
I need fresh pictures, but the last time I asked, you gave me a duchess made of butter and a chick with gross fingernails. So this time, I’ll be clearer.
No names, please.
Okay, um, she’s a duchess, she got married recently and she’s a member of a royal family… Is that enough for you to go on?
Sure, say no more. I’ve got just what you want. Presenting, Spain’s Duchess of Alba Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart y Silva, dancing at her wedding a few days ago.
I dance a haiku in your direction”
85, dancing
and, boy, can she cut a rug
Duchess of Alba
Not that duchess, the udder one…
Blog Guy, it’s me. I’m back and I need a fix. You’re the one who got me hooked.
That’s right, I need fresh pictures of a certain duchess, if you catch my meaning.
I do indeed. Feast your eyes on Chris “The Duchess” Walton, and her world record fingernails, more than 10 feet long on her left hand alone….
Are you insane, Blog Guy? Don’t play dumb with me. Does the phrase “royal wedding” jog your memory?
Oh! You bet! Here are the William and Catherine Butter Cows, on display at the Utah State Fair in Salt Lake City. The 700 pounds of butter from the sculpture could butter 23,000 slices of toast.
I hope that Duchess Walton’s bracelets have clasps and don’t have to be put on or removed by sliding them over her hands.
The duchess, the chimp and the corn dog
This blog’s August statistics are in, and once again, patterns are starting to form which will allow me to do a better job of reaching my audience. It’s all in knowing how to read the results.
Of the 10 most popular items, two were about politicians eating corn dogs, three involved very cute animals and two more featured Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge.
Our analysts now just have to figure out whether my readers are interested in politics, or in corn dogs. Please, please let it be the latter.
Excuse me now, I need to dictate a letter.
Dear Duchess of Cambridge, I would like to invite you to a photo shoot next summer at the Iowa State Fair. You will appear with an adorable panda cub, and we would like you to consume something which we Americans call a corn dog. It consists of… Oh, never mind, I’ll just get a stunt double duchess, instead…
Here they are, your 10 favorite posts for August:
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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That dog looks just like Medo the bear, only a few years older. We’ll miss that bear too.
I will be having withdrawal symptoms soon. Maybe I’ll start blogging myself on facebook, and try to honour the BG’s spirit of blogging. Anyone else up for this? Maybe we should do a joint-blog together and give the throne to Mr. Bas himself.