They did a poll to find our favorite TV moms,  and the results are just irritating. Here’s a hint: number one was June Cleaver, from Leave it to Beaver. There are a few bright spots in the list, but mostly, ”favorite mom” translates to “mom in a deep coma.”

For those who don’t think a good mom needs to be like some cult member, I’m offering my own list of “best” TV moms.

5. Peg Bundy: Katey Sagal’s trashy character in Married with Children. Her homemade raisin bread recipe involves a loaf of bread, a box of raisins and a hammer.

4. Nancy Botwin: In Weeds, Mom sells marijuana to sustain her suburban lifestyle.

3. Atia of the Julii: Evil chick from the Rome series. She’s described as  “snobbish, willful, cunning, and sexually voracious,” and those are her good qualities

2. Livia Soprano: Okay, she ordered a hit on her own son. “You’re dead to me,  Mommy!”

1. Estelle Costanza: George’s mom from Seinfeld. He might have been better off with Livia Soprano.

Estelle Harris, who played Estelle Costanza, REUTERS photo by Fred Prouser

Gold forearm, she’s the girl, the girl with the Midas touch,
It’s a bit much,
Gold forearm, she’s been kissed, with bracelets stacked on her wrist,
Can’t make a fist,
Trendy places she’d like to have gone,
But the airlines won’t let her get on,
When this golden girl is walking her ferrets,
All her limbs are 18 carats…
Gold forearm…

Memo to fashion show security staff: Somebody has raided the models’ bracelet cabinet. We need to find the jewelry before the show. Whomever did the job must have hidden it, because nobody is tacky enough to wear all of it at one time. Keep your eyes open…

More posts about jewelry

Model displays gold jewelry ahead of the Hindu festival of Akshaya Tritiya at a showroom in southern Indian city of Hyderabad May 6, 2008.  REUTERS/ Krishnendu Halder

More stuff from Oddly Enough

In recent months I’ve informed readers about  pointless and shabby remakes of movies such as The Great Escape, Splash, The Birds, etc. Why can’t they leave the classics alone?

The latest seems to be an updated version of Spartacus, the 1960 epic starring Catherine Zeta-Jones’ father-in-law. From what I’ve heard, this is an anemic shadow of the original.

Who can forget the most famous scene, a mass crucifixion along the Appian Way. Compare that with this cheesy image from the new verion. I mean, guys just wearing crosses in their belts, that wouldn’t fool a gerbil, if gerbils watched movies. My advice, just go rent the original and watch it on your Betamax at home.

(Above, Spartacus publicity photo)

Paramilitary police maintain correct posture with crosses on their backs during a training session at a military base in Shenyang, China, May 6, 2008. REUTERS/ Stringer

More stuff from Oddly Enough

A tour company in Rio de Janeiro is in trouble because along with taking people on tours of the city’s notorious slums, it has been arranging for tourists to meet with genuine armed drug traffickers, and even have pictures taken with them. Who knew there was a market for that?

But here’s the best part. Instead of denying it, the guy from the tour firm in question said yeah, he does have tours like that, but “I’m not the only one.” Ah, good to know there’s competition.

“Mr. Soprano! Can I call you Tony? Sorry to barge into your Bada Bing! office here. Can you just stand between me and the little woman for a snapshot? Yeah, keep that real mean look! Say, can you kind of point that gun at me, Tony?”

James Gandolfini: REUTERS/Phil McCarten

Brazilian police recover body of alleged drug trafficker in Rocinha shantytown of Rio de Janeiro in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Bruno Domingos

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Quick quiz: your kids are pestering you for the so-called “day of fun” you promised them a couple of years ago when you were half-asleep.

A really good place to take them just to shut them up would be…

• Walt Disney World
• Colonial Williamsburg
• The White House
• Lethal Weapons Play Day at a military base

Yeah, I was surprised by that last option, too, until I saw our pictures of small children playing with assault rifles, grenade launchers and I don’t know, maybe even nuclear warheads. It’s anybody’s guess what they sell at the souvenir shop.

Related slideshow:

A boy points a grenade launcher during the People’s Liberation Army Camp Open Day Stanley Fort in Hong Kong, May 1, 2008. REUTERS/ Victor Fraile

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Memo to staff: This seemed like a great idea, designing a dress that evokes the iconic image of screen goddess Marilyn Monroe with her skirt blowing up in a sudden gust from a subway grate.  

But I have to say our version lacks the whimsical  sensuality of the original. It turns out, artificially holding the skirt up with heavy starch and coathangers looks less like a great moment in movies, and more like a big sailor hat.

What if we sew in a push-button electric fan gadget to blow the skirt up at random now and then? Who’s with me on this? But make sure the models sign that personal injury waiver…

(movie poster, The Seven-Year Itch)

A model poses during a fashion show by students of National Institute of Fashion Technology in Hyderabad, India,  May 2, 2008. REUTERS/Krishnendu Halder

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I’ve seen readers mention wagering large sums on the most popular items in your blog, but I didn’t believe it until now. I’m in Las Vegas, and the gaming in a classy casino has stopped while we await your April results.  My money is on that emaciated model.

Ouch, I hope you hedged your bet a bit. Yours was number three. The top item was $60,000? I only parked for an hour!, about a new kind of urban car parking being tested. The post was very, very popular.

But if that was number one, why are you illustrating these results with a Victoria’s Secret model from the second-place item?

Oh, get real. Here are the top five:

5. Babe, can we skip this museum?

4. 75 MPH? Must be a school zone!

3. The bride’s shoulder blades were stunning…

2. News is skimpy on the bikini beat

1. $60,000? I only parked for an hour!

More stuff from Oddly Enough

St. Domenico was the patron saint of people bitten by snakes, see, so every year these townspeople thank him by covering his statue with writhing, slithering, fang-showing, tongue-darting snakes.

Then everybody jams themselves so close to the snake-draped statue that they can’t move at all. 

But anyhow, here’s the guy I love. He’s right next to the statue, hitting his head Homer Simpson-style. You can see him just starting to do the math. I figure the next photo in the sequence, which I sadly lack, is probably a masterpiece of physical comedy.

Slithering slideshow…    Video report:

Snakes cover a wooden statue at the beginning of the St. Domenico procession in Cocullo, Italy May 1, 2008. REUTERS/Max Rossi

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Welcome to the finals of the National Science Project Hat Design competition, here at the Tropicana Club. You young ladies should be very proud!

Third place, on the left, goes to Jill’s intricate double helix DNA model! Second place, in the middle, is Kate’s model of our entire solar system, including that little thingy that isn’t even a planet anymore. Congratulations!

And FIRST PLACE, over on the right, goes to… LUCY! Is that you? Wearing the chandelier from the lobby? You can’t be in the show! Lucy, you got some ’splainin’ to do! Ai yai yai yai yai!

Lost Lucy episode: Ethel’s Funeral

Models present creations by designer Dorian Ho at Fashion Week in Sydney, April 30, 2008. REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

More stuff from Oddly Enough

 ”You aren’t too smart. I like that in a man…”
- great line from the movie “Body Heat”

There has never been a better time to be a show off. Just last week I posted an item about a new magazine called Snob. And now, here we are with a special online dating service just for really, really  smart people.

All you have to do to qualify is go to intelligentpeople.com - nothing pretentious about that, is there? You have to take this test that proves whether you’re worthy to see the names of other people who passed it. 

The next thing that happens, you get a personalized message just like I got.

I think the message comes from this woman who started the service, who sent us a black and white picture of herself to use with our story.

Hey lady, I’m studying up for my last chance to pass your test. But you know what? I already know about color photos!

More stuff from Oddly Enough