Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Two, four, six, eight, who do we impersonate?

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Blog Guy, the pope just visited a place called Malta, and now I have to do a school report on the place. What is Malta known for?

Not much, these days. Its heyday was the 1960s, when the Ford Motor Company manufactured a popular car model there.

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Really? I didn’t know that!

You’ve never heard of the Maltese Falcon? What the hell do they teach you kids today, anyway?

So, is it famous for anything now apart from papal visits?

Yes. Malta boasts the world’s worst Michael Jackson impersonators. This only became evident recently, when La Toya Jackson visited to promote a hand cream and was confronted at every turn by folks claiming to be impersonating her dead brother.

He’s like the Statue of Liberty, only not…

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Cut! Folks, let’s take a lunch break while I talk to the director.

goofy green lantern vertical 160Okay Lamar, what IS it with you? First you screwed up a lavish production of Animal Fair and we had to pull the plug on it, and now this?

How hard is it to make super-hero movie, Lamar?

If they can do Superman and Batman and Wonder Woman and Spider-Man, why couldn’t you handle the cult classic Green Lantern?

Hey Jack, you got anything for my migraine?

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USA/

Blog Guy, whatever happened to Jack Kevorkian, that assisted suicide guy? He’s in prison, right?

Not anymore. He served eight years but got out a couple of years ago.

USA/Interestingly, he’s the subject of a new HBO movie, “You Don’t Know Jack.” Kevorkian is played by Al Pacino.

The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees…

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SRILANKA/

CUT! Okay, let me see the director RIGHT NOW!

Lamar! I gave you $160 million to make an enchanting live action children’s movie based on that enduring song, “The Animal Fair.” Then I come down here two months into the shoot, and I find this crap?

Relax Boss. It’s all in the song.

Look here at the lyrics, the last line: “The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees, and what became of the monk?” See?

Founding Father Lurches onto Broadway?

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Blog Guy, I hear there’s a new Broadway musical with Nathan Lane. Know anything about it?

Yeah, that’s “The Adams Family,” which just opened. I believe it chronicles the life of our second president, John Adams, and his wife, Abigail.

Where in the world is Susan Sarandon?

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Blog Guy, I have a bone to pick. You used to do a MUCH better job of covering actress Susan Sarandon’s vacations. That’s the only reason most people come to this stupid blog!

Yes, I’m so sorry, you’re right. I’ve let you down, but let me make it up to you.

Monkey cops, when it’s a jungle out there!

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THAILAND-SOUTH/

Okay boys, prepare yourselves for the new smash hit series of  the fall TV season. This is the kind of high concept creativity that made network programming what it is today.

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It’s about this small town that can’t afford to fund its police force, so a bunch of monkeys come out of the jungle and take over the cop duties. Is that brilliant, or what?

How to spot a Death Panel when it comes for you

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Blog Guy, now that this healthcare reform stuff has passed, I guess I have the same question as everybody else.

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It’s about those government Death Panels, the ones that will decide if we live or die. I need to know how to spot them when they come to my door. My plan is to slap on a fake goatee, go into a thick Latvian accent, and walk out right past them.

Facilities for the fancy people

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USA/Blog Guy, I read with interest your post about cities to avoid because their public restrooms are so bad.

What bothers me is, in the picture you used, those were just regular folks lining up to use that one toilet in Paris.

Ten stupid things you shouldn’t do with cameras around

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A very famous person writes, “Bob, what can we celebrities do to improve our image? Please reduce your advice to 10 simple rules, because we have other stuff to do.”

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Well, celebs, thanks to my background in damage control and image consulting, I can tell you it doesn’t matter a bit what you do in private, but when there is somebody around with a camera: