Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Your art is ÜBER, Goober!

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Today, I’m wondering what the frick paintings attributed to Adolf Hitler are doing on the auction block.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think art can only be good if the artist passes some morality test, but this strikes me as being absurd beyond belief. Sadly, I sat by in silence when they auctioned stuff like:

    Pol Pot’s Hummel figurines Vlad the Impaler’s fondue forks A Barbie coloring book badly filled in by Idi Amin Caligula’s baseball mitt
    Patio furniture hand-crafted by Stalin

But this Hitler thing is just too much. I mean, where does a conversation go after…

“Hey, that’s a real nice painting over your sofa there, Herb.”

You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie, wrinkled porn man!

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Blog Guy, They say you have incredible resources, and you can set up shots of the wildest fantasies. Is that true?

I don’t like to boast … Just tell me what you want.

Like most young women, I dream of doing a porn movie with a 75-year-old guy, while an orangutuan whistles “Dixie.” I can see him now, in a red loin cloth and blue kimono…

Thanks, I’ll be here all year… And next year…

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Blog Guy, you did a thing on Treasury Secretary Smiley Geithner recently that I felt didn’t give him enough credit.

“Give credit” is an unfortunate phrase to use these days.

You know what I mean. I’ve heard he is a great speaker who really brings the financial crisis to life for audiences young and old.

Think these hot TV lights will hurt the ice?

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Blog Guy, I’m a real sports nut. Are there any new shows I should be watching?

Absolutely. There is a mid-season replacement sports show, since the televised World Russian Roulette Championships ended so abruptly last week.

Gadgets: bloggin’ on the noggin!

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I know my readers love gadgets, so I keep an eye out for the very best new stuff.

Here are a couple of clever new toys incorporated into women’s hats, and I predict runaway success for both of them.

It was a dark and bloody TV night

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Blog Guy, I’m in Germany and I want to update myself on American television.

Sure. I watch about 21 hours a day, so how can I help you?

Some actors are here today promoting a show called “Dexter.” What’s it about?

Shakespeare my butt!

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HUGE news in the literary world! A newly discovered portrait of William Shakespeare is being billed as the only authentic image of him painted WHILE HE WAS ALIVE.

Because of my background in arts and science, they asked me to authenticate it.

I told them this man is NOT Shakespeare, based on the sporty necktie and modern suit. But it turns out they meant the dude on the left, with the doily on his shoulders.

Does seeing the movie count?

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In the big surprise of the week, a survey has found that two out of three Britons have lied about reading books they didn’t really read!

Wow, call Woodward and Bernstein!

It turns out they lie most about “War and Peace,” which of course no human has ever finished, and “Ulysses” by somebody named Joyce, whoever she was.

All you need is love…and tuition

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Okay, this university over in Liverpool has just launched a Master of Arts degree in The Beatles. Presumably graduates may now claim to have what I guess will be called an MBA, or Masters of Beatles Appreciation.

This is actually a very savvy thing to do, since even in this time of global economic meltdown, many companies are looking to beef up their Beatles Division.

Are you Starsky, or Hutch?

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You goin’ out again, Eddie? What’s in that bag?

Just what I thought! A tacky blond wig, mustache and sideburns, like somethin’ out of Sgt. Pepper’s Frickin’ Lonely Hearts Club Band!

I’m onto you, Eddie! Oh, you think I didn’t spot your stupid photo on that Oddly Enough blog, wearin’ your 1960s disguise and slurping Andre Cold Duck at a Hungarian Fashion Show?