Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Sorry, we’re all tapped out…

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I love it when real news stories are goofier than anything I could make up. It makes my job so much easier.

There is a United Nations ban on the sale of luxury goods to North Korea, see, and we’ve learned that Italy has foiled an attempt to violate that ban.

And what luxury goods were the North Koreans tying to buy? Lamborghini cars? Remy Martin cognac? Bulgari watches?

No, they were trying to get their mitts on “high-quality tap dancing shoes.” I am not making this up.

Hot motorcycle chicks lookin’ for bald guys

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Blog Guy, will you please set up one of your famous fantasy photos for me?

What do you have in mind?

Well, I want to be in it myself. I’ll be in a train station…

Already I don’t like where this is going.

See, this gorgeous brunette – like Kate Middleton, only much prettier – dressed all in black, with stiletto boots, roars up on a big red BSA Spitfire and stops to let me on the back…

I’m gonna stop you right there, Ace. Let me take a wild guess. You’re over 60, you’re losing your hair and you’re no Brad Pitt. Am I right?

Baby, you said a mouthful!

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Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my nephew’s archery instructor?

Okay, these wagers with members of unlikely professions are getting out of hand. What are you betting on this time? Something really stupid, I imagine.

The prestigious Zippo Award goes to…

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Blog Guy, why don’t you actually go to Cannes to cover that annual Film Festival?

Oh, I don’t smoke.

So?

From the looks of our coverage every year Cannes is just one big ashtray, a throwback to the 1950s when nobody worried much about lungs.

I’ve got your back, Renee…

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Hey Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my haberdasher’s fishmonger?

Oh sure, even when I’m on vacation, which I am now, I’m always happy to take time out to settle bets with folks from randomly obscure professions.

Great, thanks! So we were wondering, who has the most deformed back in the history of entertainment?

Karaoke, or torture? There’s a difference?

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Hey Blog Guy, I haven’t seen you around the neighborhood for days. Are you okay?

Yes, thanks for checking. I don’t go out during National Karaoke Week, which is going on now.

The best TV crime show on the heir?

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crime queen this 490

Okay, you know why we’re here. We owe the network one more high-concept police procedural to match our earlier hits, “Police Pope” and “Monkey See, Monkey Blue.”

crime queen 240So who’s got an idea for us to pitch? Lamar?

Well Boss, the public just can’t get enough of those crime scene  forensic science shows.

This shore isn’t much of a school….

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USA/

Blog Guy, it’s been three whole weeks since you spotted the most recent sign of that onrushing Apocalypse. Can I bring my family out of the panic room now?

snooki vertical 220Not just yet. Were you aware that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, from “The Jersey Shore,” spoke at Rutgers University recently and the school paid her $32,000?

Is that chewing tobacco on my carpet?

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lookalike cutout 490

Sit down, Joe, I need to have a little talk with you.

lookalike cutout vertical 240Sure Boss, what is it?

I’ve heard reports that some of our lookalikes are fraternizing with the cutouts. I think you know we have a strict policy against that.

I can’t help myself, Boss. She’s just so tempting.

Then maybe you’re not cutout to be a lookalike, Joe.

But Boss! I’m the poster boy for lookalikes!

Well, you are a dead ringer for a dead player, I’ll give you that.

I sure am, Boss. I’m the – haaaaaarrrracchhhhhh – spitting image!

You like ‘em runny, honey?

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BOSNIA/

Thank you for calling International Department of Festivals, how may we help you?

Well, our little town doesn’t have any kind of an annual festival to attract tourists. We’d like to get in on the action, so I thought I’d check with you to see what’s available.