Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Angelina and the Used Car Dealer?

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What the hell is going on with this Angelina Jolie movie, Lamar?

Boss, that’s the one where she’s the director. It’s her first time…

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I know that, you simpleton! But you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on her, and I’m getting no info on…what’s the movie called again?

jolie rust cars 340There’s no title, Boss. We just keep referring to it as her “as yet untitled directorial debut…”

Cripes! What’s it about?

A Serbian man and Bosnian woman who meet on the eve of the Bosnian war, Boss…

Oh, the gowns! Oh, the humanity!

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PAKISTAN/

What a glittering evening this is, folks. The celebrities are arriving now for our Lux Style Awards. With us here is a man who came all the way from Hollywood to help set up our arrival festivities, and he’s the best in the business. Sir, what should we call you?

lux awards vertical 240Lamar. Just Lamar.

And what do you think of our venue here, Lamar?

It’s quite modern. You’ve got the red carpet, the whole nine yards.

Oh, I believe it’s longer than that, Lamar. So give us some inside information about how you set up this arrival event.

Another fall flood of bad TV shows?

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I scour our vast photo file every day, to make sure my readers are seeing the goofiest stuff possible. Sometimes I see photos that speak so eloquently about the endurance of the human spirit that I just get goose-bumps.

You take this scene from Bangkok yesterday, where in spite of floodwaters raging through homes, at least some folks are still managing to …. watch television?

Is he really worth whacking, Boss?

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quaid face 490

Okay, fellow Star Whackers, the reason for this emergency secret meeting is, we have a problem. A big one. Some guy seems to have found out about us, and he’s making statements to the media. Lamar, have you dug up anything on him?

quaid combo 320Yeah Boss, he’s an actor named Randy Quaid. He and his wife have requested asylum in Canada to protect themselves from us. They say other stars have been murdered, and now we’re after them.

I need to use the long-necked birds’ room

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GERMANY/

Blog Guy, I’m a big fan of actor Matt Damon. He’s just great in everything, and so cute. What’s he like in real life?

USA/He’s a wild man. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but when he’s on location shooting his movies he spends his off hours with every hussy, floozy, doxy and trollop he can find.

We’re going down! Is this blog finished?

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Blog Guy, it’s me, your editor. Did you see that incredible season finale of the hit series Mad Men, with that cliffhanger where Don Draper…

pilot pope 220Stop, Boss! We don’t allow spoilers here.

Oh. Anyway, I was thinking since your last blog of the season is coming up, you could end it with some cliffhangers so people would come back next season.

Pedaling for the pope…

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POPE/

Fellow archbishops, we all know why we’re here. The Vatican entertainment budget is gone, and it’s only October.

So who has some good ideas for extremely cheap ways to entertain the pope? Yes, Most Reverend Lamar, you raised your hand?

Doesn’t her jaw ever start to hurt?

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Blog Guy, you know Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany? She reminds me of somebody, I just can’t think of who.

raye brown vertical 140I know what you mean. Imagine her mouth on someone else, like maybe one of those old-time “comedians” like Martha Raye or Joe E. Brown.

Well-dressed puppets, no strings attached

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Blog Guy, you’ve helped a lot of people with unusual fashion needs. Firing squad victimssatyrs, gladiators’ wives, Smurfs I’m a puppet, see, and it’s hard for us to find nice clothes. Can you help?

Yeah, I guess I can pull some strings…

SPAIN-FASHION

You’re an idiot, Blog Guy. The things with the strings are marionettes. Puppets are the OTHER thing.

Together again for the first time?

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Blog Guy, I’m confused. A couple of  months ago you did an item sort of poking fun at all the free publicity Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz were getting just by going from city to city promoting the premiere of some new movie.

JAPAN/Yes, I remember. We covered them at premieres in at least six cities, way back in July. Why do you mention it now?