Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Captain’s log: Nightmare on Helm Street?

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Blog Guy, somebody told me that in addition to giving travel and career and fashion advice, you dabble in psychiatry as well…

Yes, now and then. I find there’s very little I can’t do if I just claim I can do it.

Well, I had that classic dream. You know the one. I don’t even like to say it out loud.

EQUESTRIAN/William Shatner in a buckboard?

Oh God! Yes, that’s it! With that weird, twisted smile.

Let me ask you this. Was Muhammad Ali there, too?

Yes. Waving at me, from a blue convertible. I think he’s trying to pass Shatner’s buckboard.

Thou art under arrest, sinner!

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Okay staff, we’re brainstorming Lamar’s pitch for a new one-hour weekly drama series.

FASHION-WEEKLamar, I have to tell you, we just LOVE “Miriam Does Her Chores.”

We think the public will SO fall in love with an Amish woman working on the farm, what with her colorless wardrobe and no makeup and all.

Our Father who…clomp clomp…art in heaven…clomp…

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Blog Guy, I know a lot of big fashion shows are coming up, and you need to pay more attention to shoes! What about London Fashion week, which is going on right now?

BRITAIN/You’re right, I’ve neglected shoes, but I’ll change. Here are some radical, cutting edge shoes for women bold enough to wear them. Why, in my opinion… What? Uh-oh!

Snug as a flub in a rug?

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OBAMA/

Blog Guy, did you read about the problem with that brand-new rug in the Oval Office, with the great American quotes woven along the edge?

oval rug crop 360Yes, you’re talking about the embarrassing error over one of the quotes:

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice,” is attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr. on the rug, but it turns out King was quoting Theodore Parker, a 19th century abolitionist and Unitarian minister.

Stand up for our National Costume!

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USA/

Welcome to one of the stupider aspects of the Miss Universe Pageant. It turns out every contestant must pose in her “national costume.”

USA/I’m sure the Pageant folks did their research, but I have to doubt the authenticity of some of these outfits, which seem more like “national stereotypes.”

Holy moly! Nonstop Jolie!

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Blog Guy, you often write about Angelina Jolie. Has her new movie had its premiere yet?

Well, I can only speak for Berlin, Paris, London, Moscow, Seoul, Tokyo and Hollywood. I know it has premiered there because we moved photos of her at each place.

Wolfing down those free samples?

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Blog Guy, I’m going out to lunch. Wanna come along?

Thanks, I ate already. Spicy Peanut Chicken Kebabs with Satay Sauce, and Blue Cheese with Roasted Pecan Dip, over at Trader Joe’s.

GERMANY/

Yummmmm! That sounds great! Trader’s has a restaurant now?

Nah, you know, they put out those itty-bitty paper cups with free samples for shoppers to try.

Putting the pee back in Presley?

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Blog Guy, you’ve written a lot about toilet facilities overseas, a topic of great interest to Americans planning to travel. Anything else we should be on the lookout for in foreign lands?

PHILIPPINES/Yes. Some tourists may be surprised at the large number of places offering THREE kinds of restrooms instead of just two.

Thanks for auditioning, we’ll call you…

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RUSSIA/

Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice.  I’m a dancer looking for work. Whenever I say I’m a dancer, people think I mean stripper.

RUSSIA/Yeah, that’s a common problem. I notice the same thing when I tell people I’m a blogger. What can I do for you?

Celebrities carrying a Torch?

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Blog Guy, I come to you for all my news about technology and new gadgets.

Frankly, I’m astounded that you haven’t reviewed the new BlackBerry Torch! I mean, your review of the iPad was the industry standard. Not to mention your advice on making the iPhone 4 work.

So? We’re all waiting.

USA/Oh, gee, sorry. I can’t keep up with every little fad.

Here goes. Let’s see. Uh, Lea Michele, that actress from “Glee,” was there.