Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Then when I was six, we went to a zoo…

Photo
-

USA/

Blog Guy, I’m starting to get scared about this Apocalypse thing you keep writing about. A few days ago it was people trying to auction off embalming tools used on Elvis Presley. What next? Can the signs get any worse than that?

USA/Indeed they can, and they have.

Oh my God! There’s another sign? What have you seen now? Don’t sugar-coat it!

I just saw this: “Teen heartthrob Justin Bieber to write memoir.”

It IS odd that a 16-year-old kid is publishing a memoir, but how is that a sign of the Apocalypse?

The book comes out in October.

And?

It’s already August. A really well-written, accurate, introspective memoir takes at least four months, not two months like this one.

A different sort of water pick?

Photo
-

INDIA/

Blog Guy, I know you are an expert on other cultures. A couple from India has moved in next door to us, and I’d like to invite them over for a drink. Any tips for me?

No, just make them feel really welcome and you’ll be fine. Oh, and naturally, break out your best nose cans for the occasion.

I say! This is the BEST tug of war ever!

Photo
-

tug of war combo 490

Quick quiz: This man, the heir to an actual throne in a place I bet you’ve heard of, is giggling like a simpleton over…

tug of war vertical 220a) A Ricky Gervais stand-up performance

b) A Monty Python reunion show

c) A public reading of selected items from this blog

d) A tug of war

Sadly, it’s the tug of war, but there is more you need to know.

Prince Charles is attending some Highland games up in northern Scotland, and I guess a good tug of war is just about all they have to brighten their bleak lives up there.

Merry Christmas, Charlie!

Photo
-

USA/

Normally I wouldn’t bother being snarky about actor Charlie Sheen and his ongoing problems with the law. It’s just too easy.

He pleaded guilty this week to assaulting his wife, and was sentenced to drug and alcohol rehabilitation. You may recall Sheen was arrested after his wife told police he pulled a knife on her and threatened to have her killed last Christmas.

Can they say that $#*! on TV now?

Photo
-

dad says 490

Blog Guy, I’m curious about an upcoming fall CBS television show. You know the one I mean?

No, and I don’t give a dollar pound asterisk exclamation, either.

So you DO know the one I’m talking about! “$#*! My Dad Says,” on CBS.

Reality check?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I’m addicted to reality television. You name it, I’ll watch it. “Temptation Island,” “Dance Your Ass Off,” “Married by America,” “The Real Housewives of  Schenectady”… I can’t get enough! I need to talk to you…

You know, I can get a restraining order against you in about five minutes, lady…

You don’t have Cruise control?

Photo
-

cruise and diaz

Boss! You’re not gonna believe who I just got a picture of today! I was just pointing my camera lens at a vineyard in southwestern France, and GUESS who showed up?

cruise combo 160I’m going to take a wild guess. Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz?

Right! But what are the chances?

This month? About 100 percent. Just try taking a picture without them while they’re promoting their new movie.

We do have some job openings, Lamar

Photo
-

ASIA-WEATHER/

Mr. Johnson, it’s me. They told me I had to show up in person at the employment office to prove I’m willing to take work. So here I am, what do you have for me?

Ah. Let’s see here, Lamar, we have several slots for workers who can put large stones into bags, lug them out into a raging river and hurl them to reinforce some dikes in a flood.

What the Hell is that sound?

Photo
-

USA/

Blog Guy, can you answer a theological question for me?

I don’t see why not.

hell accordion 200Do you think there’s music in Hell?

I know for certain there is, and I have a very clear vision of what the big orchestra there sounds like. It’s not like anything you’d find on earth.

Oh! Tell me, tell me!

Well, let’s see. Looking at the stage, over on the left I see a huge accordion section, and on the right it’s bagpipes. Hundreds of them.

I say! What does one call that?

Photo
-

glastonbury charles crop 240Quick quiz: Britain’s Prince Charles, seen here in a double-breasted suit with a folded handkerchief in his pocket, is looking quizzically at…

a) A tennis match at Wimbledon

b) The races at Ascot

c) The Order of the Garter service at Windsor Castle

d) A dancer at an open-air music festival

Surprisingly, the answer is d).

I say surprisingly because you’d think, having been voted Coolest Leader Dude by readers of this blog, that Charles would have seen dancing before.