Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Lose weight the Christmas Party way!

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It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.

Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.

Our diet etiquette piece starts by advising you never to go to a party hungry. What you should do, our writer suggests, is have an apple or cheese or nuts before you go, “and drink a full glass of water before you head out.”

Of course this water strategy makes it extra special when your host greets you at the door with, “Welcome to our home, I hope you don’t need to use the toilet, because ours is totally broken.”

Can I borrow your toothbrush for my feet?

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Great news. We have another one of those serious etiquette columns that appear to be aimed at folks who were raised by neanderthals. Early neanderthals, not the more evolved ones.

This particular column tells you how to behave if you are a house guest. If you still need to be told this stuff, then good luck ever getting invited anyplace.

Could this be how they tracked Osama?

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Blog Guy, you’re the only one I trust to come up with the real story on how they got Osama bin Laden. There has to be more to it than merely a decade of meticulous hard work by the military and intelligence agencies.

I can’t talk about it. It’s too sensitive.

Come on, Blog Guy. Look, I wouldn’t be online if I couldn’t keep a secret, and we’ve already established that it’s safe to put it in your blog, since nobody looks here.

In a jam with the royal ma’am?

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Blog Guy, you have to help me. That royal wedding is in two days, and I don’t know how to act around the queen! Our invite hasn’t arrived yet, but we live in rural Indiana, and mail takes a while to get here.

Um, could you even get from Indiana to England in time?

I think we could if we went first class, which I believe goes faster.

Ah, of course. Well, you’re in luck. We’ve just run yet another etiquette piece, specifically advising lower class losers on how to behave around royalty.

And don’t pick your nose at the wedding!

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BRITAIN/

Good news. We have another one of those etiquette columns that appear to be aimed at folks who were raised by Goths. And not even by especially smart Goths, judging from the level of the advice.

BRITAIN-ROYAL/Using the upcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton as a sly way into the subject, we tell readers what they need to know if they are invited to a wedding. It’s pretty complicated.

Remember to tip your blogger, folks

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EMIRATES-GOLD/VENDING

Blog Guy, you’re an expert on social etiquette. Should I give a gift or a tip to my favorite bloggers at Christmas? Would they be offended because they’re professionals?

Offended? Of course not. After all, you tip other professionals like your dentist and congressman, don’t you?

Won’t this vacation ever end?

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Lately, we here at reuters.com have been offering etiquette advice for a wide variety of social situations. You may have found our tips very informative, if you were raised in the wild by wolves.

Our Dining with the boss advised not to “clank your utensils loudly against your teeth,” while our tips on Summer dress etiquette said if you plan to wear sandals to work, “be sure your feet look and smell appropriate for business…”

Your feet smell like rotting corpses, Ed!

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I see we have a story offering etiquette tips on how to dress for the office during the summer. This helps me a lot, because my “office” is in my home. My coworkers are two dogs and two cats, so I’m afraid my dress code may be slipping as the heat rolls in. I need some good advice.

summer dress feet 490

“Sandals are iffy for men. Be sure your feet look and smell appropriate for business…”

Dining with the boss, 101

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manners wings 490

Okay, we have this etiquette story that purports to offer tips on how to eat properly “if you are seeking to impress the boss or potential client.”

PHILIPPINES/But judging from the level of the advice, it can only be aimed at folks who haven’t quite evolved to the level of pigs at a trough. You will think I am making these things up, but I am NOT. Among our helpful tips: