Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

When party smalltalk gets out of control

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Blog Guy, I have a very specific fashion need and I hope you can help with it.

I go to a lot of very fancy affairs, but I have a tendency to say nasty things, and then other guests throw punches at me. What can I wear to protect myself at the holiday parties coming up?

Excuse me. Back up just a minute. You become SO offensive that upscale guests at festive Christmas parties want to punch you out? Is that what you’re saying?

Yes. I’ve never understood why they’re so sensitive, you stupid dumbass.

I think I’m starting to understand. Well, this season you’re in luck. Obnoxious women by the thousands have been flocking to a designer who makes this chic protective helmet called the “Holiday Punch Bowl.”

A post-Thanksgiving image booster

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Blog Guy, I’m afraid I really pigged out yesterday at Thanksgiving, but I understand a few extra pounds are considered attractive these days.

Can you please find recent photos of some of the beautiful people who have let themselves go, so your readers can feel better about themselves after Turkey Day?

The worst fashions? Manure couture…

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Blog Guy, I mainly come here for your coverage of really bad fashion. You do show us ALL the worst creations, right?

Of course I do. Except the stuff I need to protect my readers from, of course. But everything else gets…

Think she’ll notice if we take her purse?

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Lamar, where did you get the models for today’s fashion show?

From my psychiatrist. They’re all in therapy for various things, so they’re happy to have the work.

Therapy? Is it safe to have them here?

Oh sure, Boss, most of the ones with violent tendencies turned down the gig. My shrink says one of these chicks is being treated for narcolepsy.

The Runway’s Got Talent!

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It’s the same old story, Lamar. We’ve got a major fashion show today, but we can’t afford to pay professional models. You always manage to come through with models on the cheap. Any luck?

Don’t worry, Boss, I got us a good group today, and they’re free.

FREE? Huzzah! But how did you work that?

Oh. Well, they’re under the impression we’re having a reality TV talent show, so they each get to do a little “act” on the runway.

We’ll always, always, always have Paris…

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Blog Guy, it’s been TWO WEEKS since you’ve shown us fresh pictures of Paris Hilton! Are there no cameras left for her to stand in front of? Is something wrong? Should we prepare for bad news?

Calm down, she’s still posing. Here she is at the opening of a shopping center this week, in Poland.

Well, look who’s behind bars!

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Blog Guy, I know you cover all the big fashion shows, and my sister-in-law’s ventriloquist told me there were some HUGE celebs at Lisbon Fashion Week this year. Can you give us some names?

I can do much better than that, I can show you pictures. Here is you-know-who, above, making a very rare public appearance…

Get a grip, models!

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Lamar, we’ve got another expensive fashion show to put on today, and our label is in the toilet. Have you found any more ways to save money? We just can’t afford a first class runway production.

Relax, Boss, I’m saving us a fortune.

Bless you, Lamar! How did you do it this time?

By not renting backstage dressing rooms for the models. You can’t imagine how much that saves!

Sizzling hot fashions from a cold planet

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Blog Guy, I have a complaint.

Like many of your readers, I mostly come here for news about fashion on the planet Neptune, but you haven’t had any since last February. Back then, you said fashion photos from the Hubble Telescope showed krunkwads were getting longer for the next season.

Now, what news on the Rialto?

Wait a minute, Ace. That Rialto thing is just a line from “The Merchant of Venice.”

Where in the world is Paris Hilton?

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Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! It’s been four days since we left Paris Hilton promoting her shoes in Istanbul, and we’ve heard nothing from her. I’m going to start checking the hospitals.

I’m sorry, I should have told your earlier. She’s fine, she’s just in India now, promoting her new line of handbags and accessories. Here she is, above, at a news conference.