Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Hey Blog Guy, I have some fashion needs that you’ve never addressed. I’m a strumpet.
You mean the band instrument?
Not a trumpet you imbecile, a strumpet! You know, Jezebel? Floozy? Trollop?
Isn’t that a Coney Island law firm?
Gosh, you’re even thicker than I’ve heard, Blog Guy, and frankly that’s very hard to imagine.
Look, us tramps like to look nice when we go out, especially since we go out pretty often. Where should we be looking for the latest fashions? Paris? Milan?
No, you should go to New York. I was at Fashion Week yesterday, and it sounds like if ”No reasonable offer refused” is the message you want to send, the designers can make it happen this year. Here are some of the outfits.
Blog Guy, I’m a loyal reader living in Scotland, and I need fashion advice. Can you recommend some good shoes for a knight out?
So you’re looking for stylish evening footwear?
No, I mean KNIGHT, not night! My boyfriend is a professional knight, and when he picks me up for a date in full armor, I like to look like I belong with him.
Blog Guy, I read a Reuters story about proper attire for the office, and it’s kind of confusing. Like whether your boss lets you wear shorts and flip-flops, and stuff like that. Can you tell us about the dress code for your office?
Well, I write my blog from my own home, so that’s very different. If my boss were to walk through my door on a surprise visit here I could just shoot him with a taser, no questions asked.
Blog Guy, I work for a bikini modeling agency that hires only gifted models.
That must be fascinating. What’s the latest methodology for telling if a bikini model is gifted?
I know you’re not gifted yourself, Blog Guy, but are you really that stupid? Look at the pictures. We have brightly-wrapped GIFTS attached to our heads. That shows we’re gifted. There’s no mystery.
Oh Boss, there you are. Got a minute?
Lamar, I’m kind of busy. The big fashion show is just starting. What is it?
Well, some strange woman came by a couple of hours ago and said she was a designer and needed space to work. She didn’t look quite right, but you never know in this business, so I helped her out.
Blog Guy, I’m a very strict father with a parenting question. My daughter’s prom is next weekend, and…
Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but what kind of school has a prom in August?
It’s a summer school prom. Anyway, you know how kids behave at those things, and I’m afraid the boys will be trying to get her to do you-know-what. So I’m looking to find a prom dress that will keep her absolutely safe.
Blog Guy, I read a couple of days ago some guy dressed as Darth Vader held up a bank. That made me realize, I’ve lost track of the career of the real Vader fellow, the one who was in those George Lucas movies.
You mean “Vaders of the Lost Arc,” right?
No, you hopeless dimwit. DARTH Vader, from the “Star Wars” films.
Oh, him. Sure. He’s moved on into decorating, fashion design and home entertaining.
Blog Guy, I really admire your attitude. I read your blog every day, and you have something nice to say about everyone. I just wish I could have such a generous heart. How do you do it?
The trick is to have inner fricking peace. I mean, you need to realize that every human being is one of God’s creatures, and that… OMG! Look at that dumbass bullfighter!
Blog Guy, I may have the strangest fashion request ever.
I doubt that. I’ve heard it all.
We shall see. My friends and I are World War I spies, um, in the Balkans. Yeah, that’s right, the Balkans.
Wait a minute. That’s almost 100 years ago. How are you talking to me?
Is complicated. There is no time. Please, it is urgent. Where can we find 1914 fashions in your world today?