Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Five guys who NEVER get picked in speed dating

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Well, Debby, I see all the best guys are already taken once again. I’m starting to think these speed dates are fixed!

loser combo vertical 280You and me both, Daphne! Put your glasses back on and tell me who’s left for us.

I don’t know why I’M always the one who has to put her glasses on. Let’s see. We got a guy in a bowler hat, socks with garters, and boxer shorts…

I’ll pass.

Then we got a guy looks like Pee Wee Herman. He’s wearing….

Pass.

Well, aren’t WE picky tonight! Who are you, Angelina Frickin’ Jolie? Then we got a guy in a jacket with a painting of somebody buck naked, with wings.

Once upon a time, in a blog like this…

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Blog Guy, it’s me. Goldilocks. All grown up. Out here on the slag pile where fairytale characters go when they’ve outlived their usefulness. Wrung out, discarded like old porridge…

Yeah, I get it. What are you doing in this sleazy dive? What happened to the three bears?

Does this make me look super, or just fat?

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Good morning, It’s my first time here in your shop. I’m a super-heroine, and I need an outfit.

Well, welcome to Super-Chicks R Us. What’s your chick’s shtick?

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I’m flexible. I was  hoping you could help me choose.

Off  the-rack? Sure. You could be Utensil Hair Woman, or Leggy Seductress Secret Police Girl. Or maybe Perfect Posture Woman?

Don’t slam the Dior on your way out…

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Quick quiz: These solemn-faced people, including musician Kanye West, are staring at…

a) The Massachusetts election night results.

b) The scene where a hunter kills Bambi’s mother.

FASHION-FRANCE/

c ) A raging fireball enveloping a 72-car pile-up on the New Jersey Turnpike.

d) The Dior Fall-Winter 2010/2011 men’s fashion show, in Paris.

Yep, I got this one right, too. It’s the Dior show. Must have been a real tear-jerker.

Her Majesty, the Queen of the World…

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GERMANY/Blog guy, please settle an argument I’m having with my friend.

Is there such a thing as the Queen of the World? My friend says yes, but I say no.

Of course there is. No offense, but you’re obviously a cheese-eating bonehead.

I see you’ve been shopping in Paris, Lamar…

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Dear Mr. Basler:

It’s me again, the actual attorney representing some men’s fashion designers. You will recall that my clients are outraged at the biased way you cover their industry, always making it appear their creations are not something regular guys would wear.

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Yeah, I remember you. Last week you demanded that I run the last three men’s fashion pictures from our photo wire, which I did, and they were beyond hideous. What’s eating you now?

Mabel, Mabel, strong and able, your new skirt’s a coffee table!

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Blog Guy, I  need some advice on personal finances.

Like many people these days, money is tight.

BRAZIL-FASHION/I need new furniture for my apartment, but being a young single chick, I also like to dress well and keep up with the latest fashions. I can’t have both, so which way should I go?

You CAN have both, honey! A growing number of fashion houses are branching out into home furnishings, so you can enjoy your living room at home, and wear it when you go out.

Revenge of the designers from Hell

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Dear Mr. Basler,

FASHION-BRAZIL/I am an actual attorney representing several men’s fashion designers.

My clients are very offended by your frequent blog posts implying that the creative designs presented at major fashion shows are somehow goofy or stupid or psychotic.

The photos you choose to show in your so-called blog are in no way representative of our fine industry.

Fashion models add insult to injury…

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Lonnie, we have to talk. People have been losing interest in our runway shows lately, and I think I know why. Do you know why people come to fashion shows?

ITALY/Sure, Boss. To see the hot new clothes for the next season?

No! They come to be insulted. They want us to treat them like utter crap, so they can leave feeling totally degraded, and we haven’t been giving them enough of that.

Hats! They’re back, and they’re real stupid!

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Hey Blog Guy, I need fashion advice. I’m a regular-looking dude, and I’d like to find a way to make myself look more dopey. You know, so nobody will take me seriously.

Hmmm. Let me get this straight. You want people to take one look at you and say, “Holy crap, what’s wrong with that pathetic doofus?”