Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Honey, will you marry me?

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Okay fashion staff, welcome to the future. This is our first test of a bold and radical new process for designing women’s clothing.

As you know, we fed tons of raw data about MEN into a massive new software program, and told the computer to design the perfect creation to appeal to the largest possible number of males.

We fed in detailed data on age, income, location, politics, religion, marital status, hobbies, personal values – you name it – and then punched the big red “CREATE” button.

After three crashes and reboots, here’s the first thing the computer gave us: a trashy-looking floozy with a cheap bleach job, wearing a short dress with several hundred beer bottles hanging from it.

Just another topless model?

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Blog Guy, my girlfriend gave me a gift certificate for my birthday, and I’m treating myself to some nice new duds. I wanna be right up there with the latest fashions. What should I get?

That’s simple. Shop around for a nice shirt, and then don’t buy it and don’t wear it. Just go out shirtless.

Going out for the evening, Hulga?

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Here you go, Bob, a nice martini. Very dry, three olives, just how you like it.

What do yo think of the house? Yeah, I love these huge old Gothic places. You found the bathroom okay?

What? You went UPSTAIRS? No, that’s fine, but… Look Bob, did you notice a large reinforced metal door with four deadbolts on it?

Does this make me look pudgy?

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Well, it’s that time again, Miss Anderson. Gotta get the winter wardrobe in shape, ready or not, eh? That’s when it’s good to have a great tailor like you…

This is my favorite outfit. I put on a couple of pounds over the summer, but I don’t think it shows, do you?

Enjoy your flight, Mr. Johnson!

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Good morning, Mr. Johnson! Thank you for choosing to fly with us to Milwaukee today, with stops in Knoxville and Fargo.May I see some photo ID, Mr. Johnson? Hmmm. Well, I guess that’s close enough.Did you pack all your own luggage today, Mr. Johnson? Did anyone give you anything suspicious? Nope? Great!Okey-dokey. I’m gonna give you an aisle seat because this is a small plane, and well, other passengers might beat you to death in a window seat.What line of work are you in? Selling homemade lunch meat door-to-door, huh? Well, folks are always gonna need lunchmeat, right?Here’s your boarding pass, and you have a good one! Is that Mrs. Johnson I see coming this way? Oh, just call it a hunch….

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Left: A model displays a creation by designer Ekaterina Krivosheina during an international avantgarde fashion contest at the University of Technology and Design in St. Petersburg, Russia, November 5, 2009.Right: A model displays a creation by designer Elena Sukhodoeva during the St. Petersburg show.REUTERS photos by Alexander Demianchuk

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Hey kid, where can I get a haircut like that?

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We have some photos of President Barack Obama speaking at a middle school, where a member of the audience has the word OBAMA shaved in his hair.

Presidential haircuts are a time-honored tradition in this country, and today’s students don’t know how lucky they are to deal with a five-letter name.

The pipes, the pipes are calling…

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Gather around, fashion show staff, I’ve found a new way to cut costs for the big show. It may be even better than our earlier measures, like using dead models, hiring dog groomers as stylists and raccoons to do makeup

Now keep an open mind. You all remember that tragedy last year when they held a fashion show in a steam pipe factory, and there was an explosion, and the models ended up with big sections of pipe through their heads?

Can I hold that for ya, Miss?

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Blog Guy, I really need some dating advice. I’m an attractive young woman but I’m very shy, and when I meet a new man for the first time I just don’t know what to say. Help!

This is a very common problem. Some women find it useful to be holding something in their hand when they first meet a new guy, to help get the conversation started.

Your top site for guns and freakish fashion!

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Looking back at my blog’s traffic statistics for October, it was an interesting month.

The five most popular items were divided between guns and freakish fashion.

That’s useful in identifying my demographic, as well as in giving me a good reason to move to Yemen and change my phone number.

Two, four, six, eight, who do we emaciate?

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Boss, those models are back complaining again.

Boy, it’s always something with them. What is it this time?

They haven’t eaten since 2006. Look at that one on the runway, with the spindly legs and her pelvis protruding through her skin…

I don’t see anybody. Oh, wait, I do see a white bag and a headscarf. Look, if they want to be fashion models, they need to weigh less than 40 pounds. Them’s the rules.