Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Then, with flames licking at her heels…

Photo

Okay, Lamar, I put you in charge of designing our whole new line of women’s shoes, so show us what you came up with.

Here you go, Boss, behold the new Feet of Fire collection.

It’s everything the young professional woman needs. These flaming tail fins send the message, “Watch out, world, my feet are on fire and I’m stopping for nobody!”

Those things look like a 1959 Cadillac Eldorado, Lamar. And not in a good way.

The dorsal fins help stabilize a chick when she’s running for meetings, Boss, and the flames actually light up as she runs!

Why would you want that, Lamar?

I don’t know, my 12-year-old nephew thought it would be cool.

Lamar, you actually imagine professional women wearing these things? I have to say, to me they look like something a call girl would wear.

Paris, couldn’t ya just wear gloves?

Photo

Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What did I do this time, Boss?

I sent you to cover that Paris Hilton event where she’s pushing her line of shoes, but I told you NOT to make it look like free publicity. You know, it has to seem newsworthy.

After all, she is one of the 10 most hated people in America, AND she’s just trying to sell shoes.

Fashion models, name your poison…

Photo

Here we go again, Lamar. We’ve got a major fashion show coming up, and the cost of paying good models would bankrupt us. Have you found a source for bargain-priced chicks, like you usually do?

I sure have, boss. I think you’ll be very happy.

So what’s wrong with this batch, Lamar? Are they zombies, genetic mutations, snake handlers, extremely moody….

Good news, guys, we’re gettin’ uniforms!

Photo

Okay staff, I’ve called this meeting because it’s come to my attention that the men here are dressing like slobs. You women are fine, it’s just the guys. Am I right, Lamar?

You sure are, Boss! As usual!

I mean, I’m not sure what we do here, but I do know if a client ever shows up, we need to look good. So I sent Lamar to Fashion Week in Istanbul to buy clothes for all the men. Let’s see what you brought back, Lamar…

Fashions for a more forgettable you…

Photo

Blog Guy, I need some of your famous fashion advice.

I’m in a business I’d rather not name, but it’s in my best interest for certain people not to be able to find me. Am I clear so far?

I’ve seen nothing, I’ve heard nothing.

Good, I guess you’re smarter than you look in your photo.

So anyway, I like to look fashionable, just like anybody on the run. Where can someone like me go for low-profile high fashion?

If Lego made shoes for women…

Photo

Lamar, you said you had a hot new fashion design to show me. I’m skeptical after that nutty lingerie thing a few days ago, but I’m listening.

Here it is, boss, behold the future!

This is just a pile of crap, Lamar. Plastic lumps and rubber bands and stuff.

To the untrained eye, sure. But it’s actually a flexible modular shoe design which allows a woman to make 256 different footwear combinations!

Store-wide sale, everything must go!

Photo

Lamar, can I see you in my office?

Sure Boss, what’s up?

Uh, when I asked you to set up a designer dress shop, I had something a little different in mind. I count four dresses here. That’s it.

Too many, Boss? I gotcha, keep the customers wanting more. We’ll move half of them back to the storeroom.

Reading in bed just got a lot better…

Photo

Okay Lamar, your memo said you’ve come up with a  totally new fashion concept in women’s apparel. I’m very excited, so show me what you’ve got.

Okay, Boss!  Presenting, ta-da, The Linger-Read!

The what?

It’s lingerie that you can read, Boss. So if you get bored with your partner, you can at least read what she’s wearing for entertainment.

William, what year is it here?

Photo

Blog Guy, I’ve been reading your stories about Britain’s Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and their visit to Canada. With her incredible fashion sense, I’m guessing she must really be dazzling those Canadians.

Well, they don’t quite know what to make of her modern outfits, since your typical Canadian still dresses kind of turn-of-the-century.

Where DO you find all those arms and legs, Ma?

Photo

Let me make sure I understand this, Lamar. You say your mother can supply us with a steady supply of free models for our fashion shows?

That’s it in a nutshell, Boss.

Where will she get them?

She makes ‘em herself, Boss. Ma’s pretty good with tools, and she has a supply of used body parts, but don’t ask her where they come from.