Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

A skeleton crew of bikini models?

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Ah, this is the life, right Lamar? Fashion Week in Brazil, where the women are gorgeous and shapely and we can really show off our most daring bikinis.

I hope you’ve gone all-out to get us some great-looking… OMG! What do you call THAT?

That’s our bikini model, Boss. Too fat?

Lamar, you dimwit! No woman is going to buy one of our swimsuits to try and look like that bony twig! Cripes, I’m afraid she’ll have a wardrobe malfunction when her shoulder blade cuts through the bra strap!

Don’t be so negative, Boss. Give me a couple of days of feeding her doughnuts and milkshakes nonstop, and we can bulk her up to a size zero. Trust me, she’ll be up to 70 pounds by Monday.

Fashion models are fit to be tied?

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Lamar, we’ve got another big fashion show today, and money is still very tight.

Did you manage to find us some inexpensive models?

I sure did, boss. I’d introduce you but they’re tied up right now.

Well, I’d sure like to see them, Lamar. Are they really that busy?

No, not busy, just tied up, like I said.

I figured if I tied up some women and bought ‘em in for  the show, then our only cost is 50 yards of clothesline. That’s it.

You get a lot of modeling work, do you?

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Lamar, we’ve got yet another fashion show today and we’re still broke. Did you manage to find us an affordable male model?

If by “affordable” you mean he’ll accept a post-dated check he can’t cash until the second half of the Palin administration, yes I did, Boss.

Beach Blanket? Bingo!

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Blog Guy, summer is almost here, and once again we’re faced with that annual problem. You know the one.  

You put on an unsightly 200 pounds over the winter and you’re embarrassed to be seen in a swimsuit?

A sure way to get their attention…

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We’ve got another fashion show today, Lamar, and money is still very tight. Did you manage to find us a model who works cheap?

I did, Boss. She’s dressing now.

What’s wrong with her, Lamar? There’s always something wrong with those cheap ones you get.

Creepy just got creepier…

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Blog Guy, are you still setting up fantasy photos for your readers?

Yes, when I’m in the mood. What do you have in mind?

I want a hotel suite with chocolate furniture, chocolate art and a chocolate wall, with a chocolate guy reclining in bed, wearing only his underpants and eating ice cream on a stick.

Say, you’re kind of strange, aren’t you?

No, I like to think I’m just a normal reader.

Yeah? I like to think I’m the President of Honduras. So apart from this nasty chocolate guy, could you possibly make the scene any creepier?

I’m just putting on my eye makeup, honey!

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KAZAKHSTAN/

Lamar, our fashion show is about to start. Did you find us a fresh supply of affordable runway models?

I did indeed, Boss, and they’re pretty nice, if you don’t mind having human genetic mutations show our haute couture to the world.

You said my butt looks WHAT?

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fashion gun 490

Lonnie, what were we thinking? I KNEW we shouldn’t have booked a fashion show in Mexico, what with the drug wars, the gang hits, the brazen shootouts all over the place!

fashion vest 240It’ll be fine, Boss. Some of the models want to wear Kevlar vests on the runway, but those are pretty fashionable these days.

Waldo shows his true stripes…

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GEORGIA/

Okay publishing staff, we’re here to start promoting the latest volumes in our wildly popular “Where’s Waldo?” series of children’s books.

waldo combo 160Cripes, Boss, MORE Waldo books? Haven’t we run that into the ground? It’s getting easier and easier for kids to spot that guy in a red and white striped shirt!

Darn, I’d forget my blouse if it wasn’t…

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preoccupied head 490

Lamar, did you manage to get us some more cut-rate models for the fashion show?  I know you’ve saved money in the past by using the criminally insane, the extremely sullen, zombies….

RUSSIA/This time I have a real good feeling, boss. My shrink gave me some names of women in his Forgetful and Absent-Minded Therapy Group, and they look pretty presentable.