Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Will you be taking those grenades all the way to Belgium?
Sometimes I just don’t understand stuff, so maybe you can help me with this exercise in logic.
The security folks at Newark’s airport were X-raying checked baggage a few days ago when they found five hand grenades in a woman’s luggage. Yes, five.
According to our story, the grenades had been disarmed, and the woman surrendered them “without incident.”
She was then allowed to board the flight, bound for Belgium.
Excuse me? These are among the questions I have about this…
- Isn’t carrying more than two hand grenades already by definition an incident?
- If the grenades didn’t pose a threat, why did she have to surrender them?
- Would you want to sit next to somebody who tried packing five grenades in her suitcase?
- Why would a person go to Belgium?
How I spent my macho vacation…
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I’m a fairly dimwitted guy who never really grew up. Life hasn’t gone my way, and I need an experience to make me feel like I’m somebody.
So you’re looking for something you can brag about on Facebook, no matter how shallow it is, to keep your pathetic imitation of life going for another year?
You bet! All I have left now are shabby, contrived experiences!
This is your lucky day. We’ve just published a list of “extreme holiday adventures.” And by “extreme” I think we just mean very, very sad.
Bring ‘em on!
Okay, how about a “mountain safari,” in a helicopter whizzing right past lofty peaks that other people have actually climbed. Our story says it seats only two guests, and is “a downright romantic trip, allowing you to score major points with your girlfriend while conveniently involving superslick machinery.”
Well, Spin, as I discuss in the first chapter of my dissertation, “Underpants and the Critics,” the poem has gone through a number of permutations over the years….
Great science projects for your family…
Blog Guy, my daughter, Julie, has to do a school project involving transportation. We were thinking about making a little cardboard sled.
A cardboard sled? Are you a chump? Don’t you care about getting little Julie into a decent college?
But she’s only six.
Six? It may already be too late! Look at what other families are doing in the homemade transportation department.
These folks above, in China, are finishing up a miniature submarine which will be able to dive to 65 feet and spend 10 hours under water.
That’s impressive, but surely it’s one of a kind.
never knock those with imagination and the courage to follow it. After all the Harrier STOVL jet started life as a flying bedstead!
Seeing Libya, from surface to air!
Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous travel advice. With Libya being in the news lately I’d love to go see it, but I’m concerned about getting around. I’m not even sure how to get there. I’ll be starting my trip in Mexico, so I need to get…
From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli? No problem. Libya is already building up tourism, and offers fast, efficient ways to get from place to place, using the thousands of unused missiles littering the country.
This happy family in the photo above is about to start their Libyan adventure, and they’ll see all the sights while cruising at a brisk 4,500 miles per hour. Sit down and buckle up, kids, we’re ready for takeoff!
That looks neat. Do they let you listen to your iPod on the flight?
Sure thing, but you should turn it on about 20 minutes before takeoff. Otherwise your music won’t catch up with you, what with traveling six times the speed of sound.
I love it when you make science simple, Blog Guy. How about the airports? Is it easy to tell where flights are going?
Are those Tic Tacs, or you got a rattlesnake in your pants?
Blog Guy, I’m looking for some of your sage career advice. I enjoy travel, working with animals, and maybe a little danger. Any ideas?
Have you considered the glamorous world of snake smuggling?
No, I haven’t. What does that involve?
The usual. Ladies’ hosiery, probably some duct tape, and, you know, snakes.
Cool! Are there openings?
There should be at least one. Some guy was arrested in Miami, trying to board a flight for Brazil with seven exotic snakes stuffed into his trousers.
This reminds me of the time my fifth-grade teacher would have asked me if I had ants in my pants, and I would have truthfully responded “No Mam, I’ve got a riled up snake and hot steel balls.” But you all don’t want to hear about my childhood.
You’ve been upgraded to Gaddafi Class!
Blog Guy, I saw some photos of fugitive strongman Muammar Gaddafi’s private plane, taken at an airport in Tripoli. I’m surprised you didn’t blog about it.
Look, there’s something of a conflict of interest here. As you may have noticed, the plane was a Basler BT-70, built by “my company” for Gaddafi.
But we’ve established you don’t really have a connection to the genuine Basler Airlines.
That’s why “my company” is in quotes. We used Gaddafi’s design, which was problematic.
Why, what did he insist on?
Well, as you can see in the top photo, there’s the huge rollaway bed.
Gaddafi works out his issues
With boxes and boxes of tissues
While he wipes his nose,
He drinks much wine and goes,
“Ish not me! Ish you!”
Cashing in on My Good Name?
Blog Guy, I know you’re busy designing the next generation Basler BT-70 aircraft, but I may want to buy a plane before you have a chance to test your new model.
Test it? What do you mean by that?
Never mind. Anyway, the current Basler BT-67 seems very cool and just what I need, but I saw the list of options and I have a few questions.
Sure. Did you see the options on our cocktail napkins, or did you see the place mat?
It was a glossy place mat, similar to the kind Boeing uses to show off their options.
Anyway, I notice on the wings and the tail it says “metal control surfaces.” What would be my other alternative, besides the metal?
Blog Guy, when is the inaugural flight? In honor of it, this ditty:
There is a flight company out of Oshkosh
With amenities that are great, by gosh.
You should fly Basler Air.
In weather that’s fair.
The on-board donuts are quite posh.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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You would have hoped that the TSA would have asked her, wouldn’t you..?