Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Out of the frying pan and into the fryer…
Blog Guy, I can’t wait any longer! Has the Williams-Sonoma December catalog arrived yet? I need to get ready for the big holidays!
Yes, and naturally I was drawn to page 120, the Breville Deep Fryer, $149.95. That’s what I want for holiday entertaining, right? I mean, what says, I care about my family’s health better than immersing their food in oil? Especially with those recent studies showing we all need to raise our cholesterol levels.
Um, Blog Guy, you are just being sarcastic here, right? Sometimes I can’t tell.
Yes, of course. Try to keep up.
But if I DO want a deep fryer, this is the one to get, right?
No, I’m afraid this is the one for sissies. The one you want is on the Williams-Sonoma Website, the Timber Ridge Backyard Host Deep Fryer, just $699.95.
A goofy Thanksgiving to all!
Happy Thanksgiving, Blog Guy!
Thanks, and the same to you and to all my readers.
So what are you thankful for This Thanksgiving?
Me? I’m feeling very blessed to be surrounded by my dear family and great friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course you have to say that, but specifically, what are you thankful for right now, this minute?
Oh. Well, I’m thankful that I live in a country where nobody can force me to watch Charlie Sheen or listen to accordion music or eat Brussels sprouts.
Want something that’s bad for you, Mr. President?
Hi there, waitress, we’re the Corkery family, and we’ll be having your family-style breakfast special, where the whole family eats for for $22.95. I’ll have the…
Excuse me, Mr. Obama, I know who you are. You’re gonna have to go ahead and pay for your own breakfast…
Obama? Hah! I’m Floyd Corkery, but I do hear that a lot. People seem to think I look a little like the president.
So, waitress, the rest of my family will all have the egg-white asparagus omelets, and I’ll have El Gordo, the cheese-covered breakfast burrito, with the beer batter fries and barbecue sauce, and on the side, some maple…
Mr. Corkery, will you be ordering anything for those gentlemen over there in the black suits with the sunglasses and guns?
Nah, they’re good. But look, if a muscular lady who looks like my wife walks in here, then this kid in the green shirt is the one having the burrito, you undertand?
@ifly: Did Calvin and Hobbes visit you for Thanksgiving? How wonderful that is!
After Total Recall, time for a fling?
Blog Guy, recently you did an item about a lot of consumer products recalled in a short period. Were you trying to scare us?
No! Whatever made you think that?
The headline on it was, Attention! Everything has been recalled!
Oh, right. You mean the post about recent recalls of cantaloupe, lettuce, candy, ice cream, pine nuts, prawns, soy burgers, kale chips, spinach, eggs, tuna, cars, motorcycles, gas range tops, recliner chairs…
Yes, that’s the one. So just to show that things aren’t always that bad, why don’t you check and see what’s been recalled so far in November.
Well, this week there was that chunky peanut butter recall from 24 states and the District of Columbia.
Are you implying that we dont work while commenting on the blog, Malt? Are you calling us lazy workers? Are you implying that we sit on our bums the whole day, dont work and just comment on the blog?
Are you? ARE YOU?
Buy, buy Miss American Pie…
Blog Guy, do you have a personal guiding philosophy of life? You know, three or four words that express your world view?
It’s funny you should ask. I didn’t until today, but now I do, thanks to the cover of a catalog that came in the mail.
Wow! What did it say? What is this new moral compass that guides your spiritual essence?
“Pie…the Perfect Gift.”
That’s it? Pie…the Perfect Gift?
Yep. I was like blown away by the truth and wisdom of it. It’s so zen. Who doesn’t want the gift of pie? Be they Democrat or Republican, be it fruit or cream or custard, key lime, lemon meringue, chocolate….
reminds me of my favorite song from Sweeny Todd:
LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
TODD: What is that?
LOVETT: It’s priest. Have a little priest.
TODD: Is it really good?
LOVETT: Sir, it’s too good, at least! Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh, So it’s pretty fresh.
TODD: Awful lot of fat.
LOVETT: Only where it sat.
TODD: Haven’t you got poet, or something like that?
LOVETT: No, y’see, the trouble with poet is ‘Ow do you know it’s deceased? Try the priest!
TODD: (spoken) Heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then again, not as bland as curate, either!
LOVETT: And good for business, too — always leaves you wantin’ more! Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!
Lawyer’s rather nice.
TODD: If it’s for a price.
LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow it twice!
TODD: Anything that’s lean.
LOVETT: Well, then, if you’re British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine! Anyway, it’s clean.
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been!
TODD: Is that squire, on the fire?
LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, look closer, You’ll notice it’s grocer!
TODD: Looks thicker, More like vicar!
LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer — It’s green!
BG – I know you were expecting this from me, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint you 
Are these the missing links?
Blog Guy, I want to order one of those elaborate fantasy photos you set up for your readers. You know, the really strange stuff, like that hotel suite with chocolate furniture, and like Sylvester Stallone’s bathroom, and…
What did you have in mind?
Brace yourself. Mine involves a gigantic electromagnet, Justin Bieber, Mount Rushmore, the…
Let me stop you right there. it’s November. My fantasy photo budget is almost gone, and I can’t manage anything that elaborate.
Oh. What can you give me, then?
How about a guy drinking what looks like a bottle of vodka, with sausages hanging from his hat?
When superstars shoot on location…
I can’t believe they have the nerve to call this dump a supermarket!
But Ms. Jolie, this isn’t America. Things are different over here.
Really? Things are SO different that I can’t even buy Budweiser or Velveeta for Brad? What the hell are we supposed to live on?
Well, maybe you and Mr. Pitt could try some other kind of processed cheese product while you’re working here, Ms. Jolie….
Right, like THAT’S gonna happen! They wouldn’t even take my newspaper coupons here, either.
You cut those out of the Schenectady Gazette, Ms. Jolie. They’re not going to take them over here.
@Ifly: Tomb raider one was the coolest, after that is bit of a downhill slope in my view.
Attention! Everything has been recalled!
Blog Guy, I guess you’ve been reading about the huge recall of cantaloupes because of that deadly listeria outbreak?
Yes, but recalls in general are coming too fast to count. In the past month, we’ve had stories about recalls of lettuce, candy, ice cream, pine nuts, brewers yeast tablets, prawns, soy burgers, kale chips, spinach, organic eggs, frozen tuna…
Oh, I know all about that tuna recall. I’m piling my supply in my Chevy Equinox right now and driving it right back to the supermarket…
Your Equinox? Did you see that GM just recalled 36,000 of those and GMC Terrains to fix the tire pressure monitoring system?
No! Okay, I’ll return the tuna on my motorcycle, then.
I hope it’s not one of the 308,000 motorcycles that Harley-Davidson just recalled because of rear brake light switch problems.
Thank goodness I haven’t had to return anything yet. I don’t think that many people are really hurt by the recalls, it is a very very very small percentage in comparison to the billions of working (or decently working) items in the market.
It’s a black day for candy lovers…
Okay, take that black stuff out of your mouth, put it on the floor, and back away.
That’s just me helping the government warn folks about the danger of eating too much licorice.
Noting that Halloween is only days away, the Food and Drug Administration has just warned that “If you’re 40 or older, eating 2 ounces of black licorice a day for at least two weeks could land you in the hospital with an irregular heart rhythm or arrhythmia.”
Excuse me? If you’re 40 or older and you’re still collecting candy door-to-door at Halloween, you may have problems way more serious than too much licorice.
The FDA warning further advises that “If you have been eating a lot of black licorice and have an irregular heart rhythm or muscle weakness, stop eating it immediately and contact your health care provider.
That’s their opinion. My own view is that if you’ve been eating that much black licorice, you may want to visit your dentist before anybody else gets a good look at you.
Why…………………..? ? ? ? ? Am I missing some details in the story ?
Lose weight the Christmas Party way!
It’s time for more of our etiquette tips aimed at people who were raised by warthogs in the wild.
Our latest advice is on diet etiquette for the holidays. You know, getting through parties and dinners while keeping both your diet and your friendships intact.
Our diet etiquette piece starts by advising you never to go to a party hungry. What you should do, our writer suggests, is have an apple or cheese or nuts before you go, “and drink a full glass of water before you head out.”
Of course this water strategy makes it extra special when your host greets you at the door with, “Welcome to our home, I hope you don’t need to use the toilet, because ours is totally broken.”
Regarding festive wine and cocktails, our etiquette writer says she herself “stopped drinking alcohol at parties a long time ago, when I realized it clouded my thinking.”
Really? Clouded your thinking? For instance did you find yourself eating apples and cheese and drinking water just before going to a party?
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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@justCAM – what, you mean old ‘lefty one-eye pegleg’?
@Spin – my team consists of the finest group of College drop-out, ex-military, IT savvy border-security dudes, that money can buy/I could find unconscious by the side of the road at 2am – one of those two.
We have a proud ‘MacGuyver Day’ tradition which takes place the last Friday in Jan, to see who can make the best use of junk they got for Xmas and didn’t actually want.