Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The very worst way to go?

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Blog Guy, I heard on the news that some poor man died a fiendishly horrible death a couple of days ago over there in Spain. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Yes, and we have a photo from the unspeakably tragic scene. Some sensitive readers may wish to stop reading at this point.

Is it really true that the guy…

Yes, he was sucked into a huge cotton candy machine at a carnival, and there was no way to turn it off in time.

This once again focuses on the hideous danger of cotton candy machines, which kill about 40,000 people a year world-wide and pull off countless arms and legs, spinning and flossing them into a macabre “treat.”

Kids, who wants to swing the cleaver?

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Blog Guy, I’m looking to hire an entertainer for my daughter’s fourth birthday party. Can you recommend somebody who makes balloon animals? I want the very best.

Sure. I’d go for this guy in China. Look how good he is.

What the hell is he making there?

Uh, I think that’s his famous Yellow Earthworm with Green Scales.”

Blog Guy, you’re a dolt. That man is a chef. He’s cutting cucumbers with a sharp cleaver on a balloon, to show his technique.

No room for a legume?

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Well fashion fans, it won’t be long now. It’s the evening of the big Victoria’s Secret annual holiday fashion show. I mean, most of YOU won’t see it today, because it won’t be aired for a couple of weeks, but we’ll have lots of still photos for you and if you flip through them real fast, it’s just like being there.

Meanwhile, the models have to finish getting prepared for the show.

Here, one of them is seen loading up on the six and a half calories she gets every day. I can’t quite tell what this slop is, but it’s not fried onion rings and doughnuts, I’ll tell you that.

Want some kaBob? Some kaDave?

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Blog Guy, I’m planning a trip to Russia soon and as a hotshot travel writer you know a lot about different cuisines. So like, in Moscow, is there anything I should avoid?

It all depends on your taste, but for the time being I’d steer clear of cheap kebab places.

Have fun, will travel…

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Blog Guy, I just read a great Travel and Leisure magazine article titled “Top Travel Websites of 2009,” and do you KNOW what I found?

Yes. My blog is mentioned there, and by the magazine’s Executive Editor, no less.

Down in the Dumps on this thing with the Humps

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Blog Guy, I used to love Gene Autry, the Singing Cowboy. Strumming his guitar as he rode along. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

Well, there is this woman, Deanna Bogart. She plays saxophone, not guitar, okay, and she rides a camel, not a horse.  She just performed in Egypt.

Two, four, six, eight, who do we emaciate?

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Boss, those models are back complaining again.

Boy, it’s always something with them. What is it this time?

They haven’t eaten since 2006. Look at that one on the runway, with the spindly legs and her pelvis protruding through her skin…

I don’t see anybody. Oh, wait, I do see a white bag and a headscarf. Look, if they want to be fashion models, they need to weigh less than 40 pounds. Them’s the rules.

Hummus a few bars, for pita’s sake…

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Blog Guy, I heard some Lebanese dudes set a new record for the largest plate of hummus over the weekend. Give us details!

You know, I just can’t get too excited about that one. It’s too vague. According to Wikipedia, hummus is the same as hamos, houmous, hommos, hommus, hummos, hummous or humus!

Brace yourself for eel farming in Holland

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Blog Guy, how do you decide what photos to use? I think you’re holding out on us. I bet there’s better stuff than just shots of people making goofy faces and fashion models with their hoo-hahs showing. How about letting us READERS decide?

No problem. I’ll just give you the titles of several of our photo essays from recent days, and you tell me which ones you want to see here. Just say when…

Got milk? Farmers face lactose intolerance…

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Blog Guy, I heard milk farmers staged a big protest today. Boy, it’s violence everywhere, isn’t it? What was it this time? Guns, firebombs…

Milk. Dairy farmers directed milk straight from the cows, spraying it at the police.