Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Roscoe’s House of WHAT, Mr. President?

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Hey Blog Guy, a couple of days ago you illustrated your piece on high-cholesterol foods with a lot of photos of President Barack Obama with junk food, and you said, “If I want to know what foods I should avoid…I’ll just follow the presidential motorcade.” You were just joking, right?

Maybe, maybe not. That item ran on Monday, so let’s see where the Obama motorcade would have taken us on that very day.

Oops, here we are at Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles, in Los Angeles.

Uh-oh. That can’t be good.

Yeah, let’s just say when Obama is on the road, you seldom find him stopping at Slappy’s House of Cauliflower and Tofu.

All aboard for the Lipitor City Express!

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Readers of this blog know I have little patience with “stories” that not only state the obvious, but find it necessary to deliver the information in list form, for folks who are intimidated by paragraphs.

Hot on the heels of “8 Foods to Banish from your Diet” I have stumbled upon another time-waster, headlined “10 High-Cholesterol Foods to Avoid.”

Peel faster if you wanna be president!

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Blog Guy, I’ve been trying to get a job in the exciting outdoor food service industry, and there aren’t any. Do you know why?

Of course. Politicians and celebrities are taking all of them.

Yes! That’s what happened to me! I tried getting work peeling potatoes in Ireland, and they gave the position to a presidential candidate, instead!

More jumbo gumbo, Mr. President?

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Blog Guy, have you seen that amazing new book about former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy, the one taken from hours of taped interviews with her just months after her husband was assassinated?

I have, indeed. It’s a must-read for anyone who likes fish soup.

Excuse me? Are we talking about the same book?

Sure. I’m not even finished with it, and already I’m struck by her vivid chowder memories of Jack Kennedy:

You want fries with that museum?

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Honey, I have a surprise!
An entire museum of fries!
Let’s order a malted,
And everything salted,
Then leave, before anyone dies!

Blog Guy, I read your item about the Ramen Museum in Japan, which sounds kind of boring. Are there any really great food-themed museums?

Whack it with a hammer, dude, I’m hungry!

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Blog Guy, you haven’t shared any of those fancy Williams-Sonoma items recently, the ones for foodies with too much money. Don’t they have a new catalog out?

They do indeed, and I recommend you try making their clay chicken.

Clay chicken? Isn’t the phrase CLAY PIGEON?

Nope, this is something they call a “fun and easy way to cook chicken.” It involves two chickens and nine pounds of clay, which hardens around the meat during the process. Then, when you’re ready to serve it, you slam it with a big mallet to crack the clay open.

Ramen Museum? My cup runneth over!

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Okay, kids, I got the tickets for our big vacation trip today, and you’re gonna love it!

Yay for Daddy! You’re the bestest! Where are we going? Disney World, Universal, Dollywood?

Not that duchess, the udder one…

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Blog Guy, it’s me. I’m back and I need a fix. You’re the one who got me hooked.

Hooked? Oh, you mean….

That’s right, I need fresh pictures of a certain duchess, if you catch my meaning.

Drive slower, Ma, you can’t see over the mushrooms!

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Blog Guy, I’ve signed up for one of your tours to Krasnoyarsk, that Siberian city you call Wackytown. I’m very excited!

Cool! Which tour will you be joining?

It’s your “Sunny Siberia Beach Holiday,” in December. You’re positive we’ll have lots of warm beach weather in December?

Eating healthy for peanuts?

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Blog Guy, so we’ve established that you lost some weight recently. I found your health tips helpful, but could you be more specific about what you ate?

Sure. I ate everything with a pulse.

So you went on an all-meat diet?

No, no, I mean pulse as in the edible seeds of certain legumes. Peas, beans, lentils, peanuts. VERY healthful stuff.