Eency Weency spider, climbs up my favorite cup
Along comes this dude who eats the spider up,
Juicy, juicy spider, it meets an awful death,
And off goes the weirdo, Mr. Spider Breath!

Blog Guy, it’s a dreary day. Give us a story from some far-flung place, to enrich our appreciation of other cultures.

How about watching our video report on this guy, who earns money eating spiders while people watch.

That may be a little TOO enriching for my gag reflex. What does he eat, like two or three?

Nope, he gobbles like a hundred at a time, and he wants to get into the record books by eating a thousand.

Ewwww!!!! Stop it!!!! Stop right now!!!!!

He says some are juicy, some sweet, some bitter, and some have a milky flavor…

No!!!! What can I do to erase this from my mind?

Only one thing will do that. You have to send this blog item to ten other people, and they must do the same…

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Ever since my readers voted Prince Charles the “Coolest Leader Dude,” it seems to me he’s doing more “normal” stuff in public.

Like yesterday Charles the Prince of Wales and his typical average wife, Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall, visited a grocery.

Charles demanded to “see where the groundlings buy their bangers and mash and spotted dick.”

Charles pondered shelves of “East Anglia carrots,” whatever those are, while his wife was surprised to find some kind of cheese that didn’t even stink.

The royal couple gathered up peasant-style food to take home and show to the family, but were then confronted by an unexpected check-out line and a cashier who demanded some variety of payment.

“I would have thought you just give them some of your pearls, Camilla dear,” Charles advised.

“But not too many! They should be insulted if it seems as though we’re twits!”

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Top: Prince Charles visits a Waitrose supermarket in Belgravia, central London, September 10, 2009.

Middle: Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, tastes some cheese.

Bottom: Charles and Camilla pay for some groceries.

REUTERS/Johnny Green/Pool

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Blog Guy, I saw a Reuters photo from Spain showing four guys together in silly outfits. What’s the story?

I think it’s a shot from a Spanish remake of “Bonanza.” From left, that’s Hoss, Ben, Adam and…

You’re a total moron, Blog Guy. You can’t bother to read your own captions? These are bullfighters. The gray outfit is an Armani.

It says this particular annual event involves costumes from “the era of Goya,” whatever that is.

Goya? They make canned beans and mango juice and stuff.

And there’s a hilarious shot of goofy matadors going around piggyback on the shoulders of some poor guys.

Yikes! If those matadors are full of Goya canned beans, I wouldn’t want ‘em sitting that close to MY nose! Hey, you think this is the “Bonanza” episode where the bank robbers shoot Little Joe?

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Above: Spanish bullfighter Cayetano Rivera in gray costume made by Italian designer Giorgio Armani, poses before a “Corrida Goyesca” bullfight in Ronda, Spain, September 5, 2009. In the annual fight the bullfighters wear costumes from the era of 18th Century painter Francisco Goya.

Left: Spanish bullfighters acknowledge the public’s applause.

REUTERS photos by Jon Nazca

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I apologize in advance for this one, since I know a lot of readers, even entire families, enjoy my blog while at the breakfast table.

Still, my logic is this: Nobody shields ME from this crap, so you all may as well see what’s going on in the real world, the same as I have to.

Having said that, welcome to a brand-new feature I like to call, “Hey, I’m Tryin’ to Eat my Hash Browns Here!”

I hope you enjoy it. And if you want to buy poster-size copies of these photographs for your kitchen wall, I’m sure something can be arranged.

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Competitors wrestle in the over 115 kg category during the European Sumo Championships in Renens near Lausanne August 23, 2009. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse

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Blog Guy, I have a recipe for armadillo. Do you know a place to buy good ones?

Sure, I go down to Brazil and get mine from Leonardo’s Armadillos.

Leonardo? Didn’t he used to have a shop in Amarillo?

Yes, but Leonardo’s Amarillo Armadillos got closed down for certain peccadillos.

Say no more, I’ve heard all about those armadillo peccadillos! How does Leonardo sell his armadillos?

By the kilo.

Yummy! Armadillo by the kilo! So if I go down to Brazil, how will I know Leonardo?

He’ll be smoking a cigarillo…

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Leonardo Lima da Silva, 17, offers for sale to passing vehicles an armadillo that he and his brother hunted to earn cash, near Maraba in the Brazilian Amazon region, August 18, 2009. REUTERS/Paulo Santos

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Blog Guy, I’m afraid this suicide bomb trend is spreading, and it scares me.

Me too. There are way too many kinds of explosive gadgets. I saw this photo of a woman wearing a device made of an alarm clock and sausages.

Sausages? They don’t even explode, do they?

Sure. In many parts of the world they’re also called bangers.

But if you look at the real caption, you’ll see she’s actually protesting on the right side of an issue.

Maybe, but she could still have terrorist links…

Links? LINKS? I get it, Blog Guy. You’ve hit rock bottom.

I know, but it’s a Saturday in August. So if you want frank news in the wurst way, look no furter….

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Activist wearing belt with sausages and an alarm clock takes part in rally protesting Afghanistan’s “Family Law,” in Kiev, August 21, 2009. Afghan authorities passed a law allowing men to deny their wives food if they refuse to obey their husbands’ sexual demands. REUTERS/Konstantin Chernichkin

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Quick quiz: In this photo on the right, President Obama is saying to the Kroger manager…

• “Five bucks for clementines? I pay $3.99 at the Safeway near the White House!
• “What the frick is a clementine?”
• “Do you sell these things in heavy syrup in a can?
• “I’m thinkin’ of gettin’ these for my death panels. You know how many pounds it takes to kill a really old person?”

Actually, the most interesting thing that happened at that Kroger visit was when Obama took a piece of fruit and ate it in front of everybody. The White House said he paid for it “seconds later.”

Well, maybe so, but I’ve tried the old, “Oh, I was GONNA pay you for that six-pound Cadbury bar I ate in aisle four,” and guess how well it worked for ME?

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Above: President Barack Obama holds a town hall meeting about health care at the Kroger Supermarket in Bristol, Virginia, July 29, 2009.

Right: Obama holds up a piece of fruit after biting into it.

REUTERS photos by Larry Downing

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Blog Guy, our family is going to Berlin for a vacation. Are there any museums we don’t want to miss?

For sure! Take your kids to check out the new condom museum, with the singing, dancing penis. It seems that a family planning group has…

Excuse me, Blog Guy, but that isn’t a penis, it’s a German national dish. According to these captions, this is a museum devoted to Curry Wurst - hot pork sausage seasoned with ketchup and curry powder.

Ewwwwww! Then I take back my advice to bring your small kids. They shouldn’t see something like curry wurst at a young age.

Oh, I don’t know. The museum tells about all varieties of the dish, even Luxury Sausage, “for the very special moments in life, curry wurst with gold leaf, served with champagne.”

Oh right. Nothing says luxury like a pimped-up sausage. Try saying this to your girlfriend: “Honey, I won the national lottery today, so tonight it’s gold leaf curry wurst and bubbly! Honey? Honey?”

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Above: A person dressed as a curry wurst mascot poses outside the entrance to the newly opened Curry Wurst Museum in Berlin, August 13, 2009.

Left: A display case shows a selection of curry sausage dishes, at the newly-opened museum. Curry Wurst is a German national dish that consists of a hot pork sausage seasoned with tomato ketchup and curry powder, and served with chips or bread rolls.

REUTERS photos by Tobias Schwarz

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Okay, members of the Iceland Citizens Group, thanks for coming on such short notice. You all know the problem.

Ingibjorg Egilsdottir, Miss Iceland, is frolicking in the Bahamas before the Miss Universe Pageant, and - I’ll be very blunt - when it’s over, why in God’s name would she leave there and return to a place called Iceland?

So, we’ve made a great list of reasons she should come home when the pageant is over:

5. Our food! Two words: liver sausage!

3. You don’t know anybody. You’ll be lonely in The Bahamas.

2. Your clothes are back in Iceland. You’ll have nothing to wear!

And the number one reason for you to come home to Iceland:

1. It’s August! Any day now, a tourist will come!

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Ingibjorg Egilsdottir, Miss Iceland 2009, ahead of the Miss Universe 2009 pageant in the Bahamas. Miss Universe 2009 will be crowned on August 23. REUTERS /Miss Universe Organization L.P., LLLP/Handouts

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Quick quiz: If you have a meal in The Gulf region and can’t quite place the distinctive, piquant, exotic flavor, it’s most likely…

a) Amba, a savory mango pickle condiment

b) Cardamom seeds mixed with cumin

c) Mahlab, made from the St.Lucie Cherry

d) About 30 pounds of desert sand embedded at high speed during the cooking process

That’s right, it’s d), so don’t try to chew every little bit of it.

Check out the masked dude below, just going along roasting his chickens in the middle of a sandstorm.

Meanwhile, for those of you worried about nutrition, just consider this dish enough roughage to prepare for four colonoscopies in a row.

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A worker roasts chickens at a roadside restaurant during a sandstorm in Baghdad July 29, 2009. REUTERS/Saad Shalash

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