Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I know you sometimes indulge your readers’ fantasies. I collect photographs of really rich people eating ice cream. It isn’t a large collection, but I’m hoping you can help get me some good ones.
But here’s the good news: a photo of billionaire Warren Buffett eating ice cream on a stick! We’re also staking out a Baskin-Robbins near Bill Gates’ house, in case he gets hungry. Is this a great blog, or what?
More about rich people
Billionaire financier and Berkshire Hathaway CEO Warren Buffett eats ice cream during the annual Berkshire Hathaway shareholders meeting in Omaha, Nebraska, May 3, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria
Blog Guy, it was so interesting to learn about those bidet things in your blog recently. You give your readers a genuine feel for other cultures. It made me wonder, do they take showers in Europe the same way we do here?
They do shower, but it’s different. They get hundreds of people together, and everyone drops some mints into bottles of cola. This creates a shower that drenches them in fizzy froth.
Okay, maybe not exactly four whole miles, but still pretty high up. I believe a 1960s rock group said it most eloquently: “Kicks just keep getting harder to find.”
From Moscow, news that some billionaire is starting a magazine named Snob. I’m serious.
This is a turning point in publishing. If he can market directly to our worst character flaws, watch out! We’ll see slick, glossy magazines like Big Jerky Butthead, and Wanton Hussy. Subscribe to Town Drunk, and get a year of Stupid Blabbermouth, free!
The first child returned with a pail of plump blackberries. The second came back with red holly berries, which happen to be poisonous. The third went into the city, pulled the Big Con Switcheroo on a bunch of dimwit business guys, and brought grandma a bucket of BlackBerry handhelds with high resale value.
Hey blog guy, I’m planning my wedding for June, and I’m on a tight budget. I know you’ve been a professional event planner. Can you give me some money-saving some tips?
Sure. Here are four ideas that really work…
1) Print your own invitations. It’s cheaper, plus you can put the wrong address on some and the wrong date on others, cutting the reception crowd in half.
If you’re thinking of a public relations career, watch and learn. Italy recently did a recall of some mozzarella cheese linked to dioxin contamination. Okay, so how do they restore public confidence in the product?
a) Trot out scientists to say how safe it is
b) Trot out doctors to say how safe it is
c) Feed it to gladiators to show it doesn’t kill them
“Look, I’ve only got a few months left, and I don’t want to complain, but are you REALLY sure these new Secret Service uniforms make sense?
“I mean, sure, they’re fine for your Thursday night Secret Service Folk Dancing Club meetings. I guess they’re okay for that Secret Service Fortune-Telling sideline you all have going, and your Secret Service Oompah Band. But if you get to wear cool outfits like that when you’re on duty, shouldn’t I get to wear one, too?”
I‘m aware that you are something of an Old Testament scholar. Someone told me recently that in the story of David and Goliath, David was eating ice cream while he slew Goliath with his slingshot. Could this be true?
Well, an often-overlooked detail in some translations of that story has David eating a scoop of Baskin Robbins Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough during the battle. It seems he only bought one dip because he wasn’t sure he’d be around to finish it.
That brings us to Bayou Bob, of Bayou Bob’s Brazos River Rattlesnake Ranch. Texas authorities say he was selling bottles of vodka with dead baby rattlesnakes.