Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Why is our waitress twirling a baton?

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Blog Guy, I love going out to restaurants, but I enjoy being surrounded by beautiful women. I find standards are falling in that area lately.

You don’t sound like a terribly evolved person.

No, I’m as shallow as they come. So is there someplace I can go where my sensitivities won’t be offended?

You’re in luck. It turns out a bunch of beauty pageant contestants have opened a restaurant staffed by nothing but beauty queens. It’s called “Panache with a Sash.”

Wow, that’s just what I’m looking for! Do the waitresses dress well?

You’ll have to wrestle me for the check

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Well, Lamar, I have to tell you I’m excited. It was a big decision putting you totally in charge of every aspect of our new restaurant. Millions of dollars are riding on this, but I thought you deserved your chance.

Gee, thanks, Boss. I think you’ll be very glad you did.

So, talk me through it. Looks like the opening day lunch crowd is starting to arrive at Lamar’s.

Michele Bachmann, the wurst winner ever?

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“I am Ioway born and bred, and on Ioway corn I’m fed…” **

Hey Blog Guy, so Michele Bachmann won that Iowa thing. What do you think swung it her way?

Politicians and their pork…

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Blog Guy, can you settle a bet I have with my bartender’s pedicurist?

More bets between random unlikely professions, huh? What is it this time?

That Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney. Has he ever seen a porkchop?

You know, I don’t think so.  In these photos from the Iowa State Fair he’s eating a grilled porkchop on a stick, and it looks for all the world like he’s about one bite away from chewing the napkin.

What’s in your artisanal arsenel?

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Blog Guy, I’m confused. Suddenly I’m seeing the words “artisan” and “artisanal” attached to all kinds of products. Cheeses, chocolates, liquors, soaps… What does it all mean?

That’s easy. It means they can get by with charging a lot more money for that stuff.

I’ll have the Satan Sandwich, sugar-coated!

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Blog Guy, I know you keep up with food trends, and I saw mention of a mouth-watering treat while reading all the stories about the debt crisis…

I’ll bet you’re talking about the chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus, who called the debt deal a “sugar-coated Satan sandwich.”

The hot new pet for the rich and famous?

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Blog Guy, what’s the latest “in” pet for celebrities to have? Are they still carrying those tiny dogs in their purses?

No, small dogs are SO over! These days, the rich and famous go everywhere with their pet lobsters, as you can see here with the Duchess of Cambridge, Sarah Palin, Martha Stewart…

Baby, we’re goin’ out for head lard!

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Blog Guy, you know how on these hot, sticky summer evenings you get in a real mood for…

I bet you’re going to say lard, right?

You get those cravings too, huh? Man, there just aren’t any good lard restaurants around these days!

Where could this have come from?

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Jeez, Lamar!

What is it, Boss?

There’s a really, really long, gross, black hair in my lunch! Where the hell did you go for this take-out?

Uttar Pradesh, Boss! I know a really cheap roadside stall there.

But that’s in…  Well, I guess it certainly explains why it took you four days to get back here to Orlando with it.

So there isn’t a Toaster Pastry Diet?

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Okay, we already know there are a lot of really stupid people out there, but it may be time to recalibrate my measuring scale.

I just clicked on an item headlined “8 Foods to Banish from your Diet,” expecting it would offer some surprise foods that have more calories than most people think.