Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Do you have a date for the ball?

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SERBIA/

Blog Guy, I saw a bunch of Reuters photos from the World Testicle Cooking Championship, and I was surprised you didn’t cover it in your blog.

Yeah, well, I found one of the photos very disturbing, so I just went into denial.

SERBIA/Ah, I know the one. The apron with a naked guy on it, right?

No, I was okay with that.

Hmmmm. The one with somebody holding those gross pig’s testicles?

No, I could handle that okay.

Say no more. It was the steaming cooking pot full of testicles? Right?

Nope.

SERBIA/Then what was the photo that pushed you over the edge?

The shot above, of a dude with a hat in front of his face, swinging a big-ass ax at an event where they need as many loose testicles as possible.

Ewwwwwwwww! I see what you mean. Now I won’t sleep tonight.

BTW Blog Guy, did you get any photos at those fancy formal dances on the last night of the testicle championship?

And the morel of this story is…

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Hey Blog Guy, you obviously know a lot about language. I just heard a strange expression, “As dumb as an Italian hunter.” What does that even mean?

CROATIAIt means incredibly dumb, is what it means. At least 17 people have been killed recently in hunting accidents in the mountains and forests of northern Italy, six of them in a single 48-hour period.

Good to the last droppings?

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Okay gang, we’ve gotta find a way to distinguish our brand of coffee from all the others. You know, like it’s grown on misty Blue Mountain, or in the intoxicating sea breezes of Hawaii, or some poetry like that.

Boss, why don’t we go more in the direction those guys in Asia took? You know, “We make our coffee from half-digested cherries found in the poop of wild civets.”

It’s for folks who like owls, Mr. President

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Blog Guy, I’m very, very confused.

That’s nothing to be ashamed of in this blog, sir. What seems to be the problem?

hooters florida 320I saw a photo of Hooters waitresses watching President Obama last weekend. I’ve always been led to believe if the words “Hooters” and “U.S. President” ever appeared together, it would be the end of the world.

Wolfing down those free samples?

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Blog Guy, I’m going out to lunch. Wanna come along?

Thanks, I ate already. Spicy Peanut Chicken Kebabs with Satay Sauce, and Blue Cheese with Roasted Pecan Dip, over at Trader Joe’s.

GERMANY/

Yummmmm! That sounds great! Trader’s has a restaurant now?

Nah, you know, they put out those itty-bitty paper cups with free samples for shoppers to try.

I don’t want what he had…

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MEXICO/

“Lamar, aren’t you gonna finish your fish taco? Then whose is it? Ah, that dead guy’s?

“Well he’s not gonna finish it, so shove it over here, I’m still hungry.

And the next Angelina Jolie is…

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USA/

Blog Guy, I read your item on Angelina Jolie this week, and it made me wonder who the next “perfect” woman will be.

JAPAN/If you look at Angelina’s sensuous, supple lips, big eyes, mannish hands, and that smile that says, “I could kill you with a pencil,” and put them all together, who do we have?

A different sort of water pick?

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INDIA/

Blog Guy, I know you are an expert on other cultures. A couple from India has moved in next door to us, and I’d like to invite them over for a drink. Any tips for me?

No, just make them feel really welcome and you’ll be fine. Oh, and naturally, break out your best nose cans for the occasion.

Iguana bring along my friend, okay?

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iguana top 490

I’m sorry, but apparently it’s time for an etiquette lesson.

The caption on these photos tells us this guy is taking his Giant Mexican Iguana with him for a walk while “meeting a friend for lunch.”

CANADA/Really? Because to me, that’s a lunchtime deal-breaker.

“Dave, I see you’ve got your butt-ugly Giant Mexican Iguana hanging on your shoulder there, while I’m trying to eat my lunch. His fricking tongue is darting into my Cobb salad, for God’s sake!”

Check the neck, I don’t eat meat…

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ellen vegan 490

Blog Guy, I know you love animals.

I’m thinking of becoming vegan. I’ve read that Ellen Degeneres and her spouse Portia de Rossi are both vegans. Is that right?

vegan guy vertical 220I don’t believe so. Look at their necks.

Excuse me? Their necks?

Yes. You can clearly see they don’t have VEGAN tattooed on their necks, which of course is how you normally spot a vegan. Like this guy on the right. Now HE’S a vegan.