Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Okay, I’m finished. I used to love going out to nice restaurants with Queen Elizabeth., but I’m afraid I just don’t have the patience anymore.
I mean, she’s a very nice person and she’s good about splitting the check and everything, but who died and made her queen? There are just too many hassles.
“No Bob, you may NOT give my crown to the hat-check peasant! I shall continue to wear it!”
And the endless questions about the menu:
“I say, these spicy chicken wings? Can one eat them with white gloves?”
Blog Guy, I follow the exciting world of competitive eating – you know, like that Wing Bowl and stuff like that. But I was baffled to see a reference to the “World Poutine Eating Championship.” What on earth is Poutine?
Thanks a lot for asking. Now I’m going to have nightmares again. Poutine is a dish consisting of french fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. They eat it up there in Canada.
Okay, we have this etiquette story that purports to offer tips on how to eat properly “if you are seeking to impress the boss or potential client.”
But judging from the level of the advice, it can only be aimed at folks who haven’t quite evolved to the level of pigs at a trough. You will think I am making these things up, but I am NOT. Among our helpful tips:
Blog Guy, I know you have a background in agriculture. I’ve read that nations are running out of room to grow vital crops to feed their people. What is being done about this?
A very good question. Japan, for example, has begun to require women to grow rice in their brassieres.
Blog Guy, I hate to complain, but you used to do a better job of covering melons. The main reason I come here is to get my melon news.
Then you’re in luck. It’s the season, and melons are on the move!
Now that’s more like it. How do they get them across the Ganges River?
Some use camels, some use boats. There are big local melon transport firms, most of them owned by women. You know, Angie’s on the Ganges, Helen’s Melons, Dromedary Queen…
Quick quiz: This photograph shows…
a) A family enjoying dinner out at Ye Olde Benihana of Camelot.
b) A scene from an upcoming episode of The Tudors, when that sniveling Culpepper gets what’s coming to him.
c) A very early version of the Cuisinart, in a 1562 Williams-Sonoma catalog. Like everything else, it cost $299.95.
Blog Guy, I see that President and Mrs. Obama had a little getaway this weekend. That’s nice, especially after those worrisome signs of stress you wrote about recently. So what did they do?
They went to North Carolina and toured the famed Biltmore Estate. It was a rare opportunity for them to see a historic mansion and be surrounded by priceless antiques.
Blog Guy, you’re pretty good about updating us on trendy new foods, so we don’t waste our time on Tex-Mex and other stuff that’s no longer in style. So what’s the latest?
Well, I just ate at a hot new restaurant in in Singapore where they serve nothing but butterflies to eat and drink. You can see what the full dinner looks like here.
Blog Guy, I see the foreign ministers from the G8 nations just met up in Canada. I guess with the world situation, they had lots to talk about, right?
Probably, but they didn’t get a chance to communicate much.
No? Why not?
Because their Canadian hosts served taffy. Maple taffy. After a few bites their teeth were gooey and sticking shut, and they could barely mumble.
Boss, the models are complaining about their food again.
Lonnie, I get so tired of this! What do they expect, real meat?
Well Boss, some of them say they’re not even getting enough nutrition to make it to the end of the runway and back without stopping for a rest.
Why, we’ve even had members of the audience trying to feed them to get them back up on their feet.