Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Segway Squad is here! Walk fast!

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assault-crop-120.jpgThis is gonna be the hottest new series on TV, and we’ve got it! It’s called Segway Squad, about an elite force that fights crime using those Segway personal transporters. Is that cool, or what?

The squad is led by Pop, a hardened veteran who’s been riding Segways since the old days of  2001. He’s in charge of a bunch of  wisecracking young hotshots. When a crime is in progress they streak there at the lightning speed of 10 miles per hour, and we zoom along with them, bumping over curbs and scattering pedestrians.

Their Segways are customized – bullet-proof handlebars, built-in flame-throwers, so the marketing toy tie-ins are enormous.

In the pilot episode, they race after a gang of bank robbers who ride tractors; meanwhile, Pop resists having a brassy young blonde chick join the squad, but it turns out…

Suddenly she recoiled in horror…

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slinky-2-140.jpg slinky-crop-160.jpgMemo to fashion design staff: Okay, I take full blame for this. When I asked you to design “a slinky dress” for the fashion show, see, I didn’t mean to use a real Slinky.

I think we have a real safety issue here. Do you know how much effort this poor model is exerting to fully extend the Slinky and stand upright? Do you know what’s going to happen when she snaps backward? It is NOT going to be a pretty sight!

Who made your sub, Bub?

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Quick quiz: which of these are really great homemade?

sub-160.jpga) fresh peach ice cream
b) blueberry pie
c) buttermilk biscuits
d) submarines

Exactly. Not the subs. Submarines just seem better when they’re made in a shipyard, not some bozo’s hobby shop. Yet despite my warnings in posts like Gosh, this sub really dives fast!, there is now a whole frickin’ FLEET of homemade subs smuggling cocaine from Colombia. They found nine last year alone! 

We’re gonna need a bigger gun cart!

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guns-3-200.jpgWith firearms being in the news, we visited a gun shop in Texas to talk to shoppers like this raccoon-hunting 16-year-old girl. She was buying a holster for her dad, I guess so he can stop lugging his gun around in his hand and have someplace to stick it.

What caught my eye in our photo series was that people were pushing big shopping carts, like they were at Kroger or something. Is it just me, or does that sound like, pardon the expression, overkill?

Her cups runneth over?

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Quick quiz: you can tell if a woman has class if you offer to buy her a glass of wine and she says…

wine-3-180.jpga) Thank you, I’ll have a supple Margaux
b) Thank you, I’ll have an earthy Syrah
c) Thank you, I’ll have an overpriced Pinot Grigio
d) No thanks, hot-shot, I got me a brassiere full of cheap sweet red, right here!

Act now! Get the Ginsu Knives!

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obama-this-200.jpgBlog Guy, I just don’t see how candidates pay for campaigns these days. It’s so expensive!

Well, as you know I get most of my news from seeing photos and guessing what’s going on. But it looks to me like they’re getting into product endorsements.

Toilet’s broken… Next one’s 210 miles south!

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plumbers-140.jpgIf you’re aboard the International Space Station, the very last thing you want to see – maybe except for alien life forms seeping through the vents – is an “out of order” sign on the only toilet. Sadly, that’s pretty much the situation. They are up to their astronauts in plumbing problems.

Not to get indelicate, but crew members reportedly have been fumbling with plastic bags since their zero-gravity toilet made “a loud noise” and stopped working properly last week. Ewwwwwwww!

And, making a gust appearance…

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nun-160.jpgBlog Guy,

Please settle a bet I have with my sister. Can the Pope fly? I say no, but Sis is sure she remembers something about that.

Well, no, not exactly, although his attire is quite aerodynamic. Sometimes it takes on a life of its own, as these pictures show. But I think your sister is confusing the Pope with Sally Field’s character in The Flying Nun, which went off the air, so to speak, some time ago.

Victoria’s Secret not in top five?

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secret-2-160.jpgI’m as surprised as anybody, but not a single item about Victoria’s Secret made it into the top five postings for this blog in May!

Oh sure, everybody will have a theory on that, but personally I think it was because we didn’t have a single post that even mentioned Victoria’s Secret.

Mutt-mobile: can Spot design your car?

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We have a video report about how auto designers are shifting into neuteral, so to speak, fighting for the pet owner market by adding Fido-friendly features. I have a list of the options my own dogs are demanding:

dog.jpg- deluxe hamburger dispenser

- giant window control buttons 

- peanut butter dispenser

- big fans aimed at their face

- toast and jelly dispenser

- indoor tennis ball flinger

Come to think of it, that doesn’t sound like such a bad car, does it?

Video report:

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