Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

You got a bedpan on your neck!

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beautyworld-crop-120.jpgIf you’re like me, you figure this is a Number Six Cylon being resurrected on Battlestar Galactica. But no, turns out it’s actually a photo from a beauty show underway in Japan.

Our caption calls this “carbonate skin care equipment.” Since I don’t know what that is, I’m guessing this gizmo sucks your old face out through the hose and shoots a new face back up the same tube. Thummp! That’s the sound of your old sucked face, heading down the toilet!

This looks like a textbook definition of low self-esteem. I’d basically say unless this contraption can turn Mamie Eisenhower into Angelina Jolie, then sitting with a pink bedpan necklace isn’t worth the damage to your ego, if you have one.

More beauty posts

beautyworld-360.jpgVisitors try carbonate skin care equipment “Sparkle 1000″ at Beautyworld Japan in Tokyo, May 20, 2008. The mask is soaked in carbon and water which is believed to improve blood circulation and replenish the skin. REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

When gamers go Wii Wii…

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pee-300.jpgBlog Guy, you don’t write about signs of the Apocalypse much lately. Is it no longer a threat?

Just the opposite. Signs are coming at us so quickly, it’s hard to keep up.

Your last chance to become a super hero?

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fusion-2-140.jpgJust what we need, another frickin’ super hero. This one’s “Fusion Man,” and check out the slideshow. I guess he has an okay act, if you’re impressed by a macho hunk soaring majestically over the Alps in a rocket suit, nothing below him but miles of blue sky. But I worry that all the good super personas have been taken, leaving nothing for guys like me.

I need something just a little safer, so I’m trademarking my own super character, “Airport Moving Sidewalk Man!” Picture the scene:

Take off your blouse, babe, I need to charge my laptop!

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bra-crop-120.jpgThis company keeps trying to design bras that do something extra. You may remember their chopstick bra or their shopping bag bra or their get-out-the-vote bra. The new designs never generate anything other than free publicity, which duh, I guess is the point.

So this time it’s a solar panel bra which can recharge your cell phone or iPod. Of course, the bra needs to be exposed to light in order to work, and a chick walking around outdoors in an exposed brassière may have more serious problems than a dead phone battery.

Don’t forget the…leap…hot sauce!

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python-crop-140.jpgBlog Guy, I know you’re a real sports fanatic. Are there any events at the upcoming Beijing Olympics that have you really pumped?

You betcha. That new one, the 400 meter mobile phone hurdles. The training photos are breath-taking. The athletes show the split-second physical prowess of hurdle jumping while conversing on a cell phone at the same time!

Now, share those grenades, Joey!

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weapons-2-160.jpgQuick quiz: your kids are pestering you for the so-called “day of fun” you promised them a couple of years ago when you were half-asleep.

A really good place to take them just to shut them up would be…

Yeah, I was surprised by that last option, too, until I saw our pictures of small children playing with assault rifles, grenade launchers and I don’t know, maybe even nuclear warheads. It’s anybody’s guess what they sell at the souvenir shop.

Dress recaptures movie magic?

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itch-120.jpgMemo to staff: This seemed like a great idea, designing a dress that evokes the iconic image of screen goddess Marilyn Monroe with her skirt blowing up in a sudden gust from a subway grate.  

But I have to say our version lacks the whimsical  sensuality of the original. It turns out, artificially holding the skirt up with heavy starch and coathangers looks less like a great moment in movies, and more like a big sailor hat.

Grandma, here’s your pail of BlackBerries!

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handheld-120.jpgOnce upon a time, Grandma sent her three grandchildren into the woods to gather blackberries, so she could make a fine dessert for dinner.

The first child returned with a pail of plump blackberries. The second came back with red holly berries, which happen to be poisonous. The third went into the city, pulled the Big Con Switcheroo on a bunch of dimwit business guys, and brought grandma a bucket of BlackBerry handhelds with high resale value.

$60,000? I only parked for an hour!

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car-sign-120.jpgBlog Guy, I’ve read that America’s big cities are running out of parking places. I know you travel the world. Are other cities trying anything new?

You bet. Berlin is looking at so-called “momentum parking.” You leave your car, and a huge crane hoists it up 500 feet, then lets it go. The impact buries it several feet down, thus taking up far less room than an ordinary space.

I saw you in the Brooks Brothers catalog!

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I get what happened here. This young gentleman looked at the wrong end of his Assault-Ready Heavy-Duty Atomic Super-Pneumatic Staple Gun, to see if it was loaded, which it turns out it was. I get that, and I certainly have to admire the professional-quality results.

But now he has a problem. Unless he wants to spend his life working as a human cake decorator – not that there’s anything wrong with that – he needs to find a plastic surgeon who is really, really, really good at filling out pesky insurance forms!