Blog Guy, it’s been a while since you spotted a new sign of the onrushing Apocalypse. I guess things must be getting a little better?

Hardly. The Apocalyptic story of the year is this week’s “One dead in ear-cleaning salon attack.”

To Apocalypse watchers it might as well say, “Enormous asteroid hurtles toward Muncie.”

I mean, gosh. what are the chances a place where men go to rest their heads on a woman’s lap and get their ears cleaned might attract some nutjobs?

Ah, I get you. You’re saying those places should be banned?

Heck no. I’m just saying the swabs they use should be six inches longer, red-hot and pointed at the end.

Don’t hold back, Blog Guy. You don’t think ear-cleaning salons are a good idea?

No. Why can’t those guys just go through a car wash with the windows down, like the rest of us?

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Right: A woman, complete with special gadgets, tends to a customer at a park in Changzhou, China, in a 2002 file photo. The practitioner renders ear-cleaning, head and body massage and acupressure services.
REUTERS/Claro Cortes IV

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Welcome back to a feature we like to call, Haven’t These Guys Ever Seen a Movie?

In life, we should always defer to the wisdom of those who have wasted countless hours in the local multiplex, and yet we never do.

You take this video report, which tells us “Jurassic Park revives in Japan thanks to virtual reality technology.”

Raise your hand if you think a Jurassic Park REVIVAL is a smart idea, considering how well it’s always worked before.

Right. And yet, it’s clearly going to take a museum full of school children, trapped overnight during an electrical storm, and assorted bloody kid torsos dangling like stringy gristle from steel-trap dino jaws, to teach us another lesson.

Kids, whatever you do, DON’T press that big red button in the control room, because… Uh-oh, I’m afraid that’s gonna be trouble…

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A few months ago I launched a Facebook Network Page for readers of this blog. It was largely a public service, so readers could recognize and avoid one another in social situations.

Anyway, fast-forward to yesterday, when some innocent reader became the 2,000th person who was willing to admit to following this blog.

This is pretty exciting stuff, considering that when I started the page I had trouble getting ten people to confirm they knew me and that this was really my blog.

It is loyal readers like you who have earned Oddly Enough more pageviews this year than any other Reuters blog, and we have like three dozen really good ones.

To celebrate this milestone, please share this blog with friends, or if you’d rather, with people you don’t like very much. My numbers go up either way.

Or, you may want to share it via Digg, Mixx, Twitter, or link to it from your own blog, or print it out and stuff it in mailboxes.

If you haven’t visited the Facebook page it’s worth a look. You don’t get much out of it, but then it IS free, isn’t it? You can comment on this blog, you can rate it, and as I already mentioned, you can spot 2,000 people you’ll want to avoid.

Besides, where else are you going to find a photo of a chick who looks like Kramer and has goldfish in her bra, huh?

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A model presents a creation by Colombian designer Diego Morales during the Expomoda 2009 show in Palmira province June 4, 2009. REUTERS/Jaime Saldarriaga

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Blog Guy, are you able to answer questions about the election process in emerging democracies in other parts of the world?

Sure. My resources are endless.

Whenever there is an election these days, I see news photos of voters holding up ink-stained  fingers, I guess to keep them from casting more than one ballot.

Yes. Photographers now have a quota of ink-stained finger shots on voting day. As iconic photos go, this one has replaced the victory sign and the thumbs-up.

Looks like it makes the photographer’s job pretty easy.

Not really. You do have to make sure they’re not holding up the wrong finger in an obscene gesture. But didn’t you have a serious question?

Right. If blue ink is the way they keep elections honest, I’m worried about how the Smurfs will vote, since they’re blue to begin with.

They can’t vote. But Papa Smurf runs Smurf Village with an iron grip, and they are decades away from an election process.

But couldn’t Inventor Smurf come up with a different color ink that would…

Just let it go.

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Above: Presidental candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi holds his inked stained finger and identity card after casting his vote during the Iranian presidential election, June 12, 2009. REUTERS/Raheb Homavandi

Left: Assorted ink-stained voters, and Papa Smurf

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They’ve just unveiled a prototype dress designed to light up when the wearer’s mobile telephone rings. As high-tech gadgets go, I just don’t see this one catching on.

Where to begin? Do you want folks to know how pathetically unpopular you are when you hang out with the gang and your dress doesn’t light up once?

And if your phone DOES ring a lot, do you want to endure the searing pain of a bunch of Sylvania lightbulbs burning into your flesh, just to announce each call?

Here what I see happening if this catches on.

Say you’re a trashy floozy having an affair with a married guy, and you agree to meet him at a crowded nightspot. But then his wife shows up with his phone and hits last number dialed, and you’re so busted, glow worm! Then there’s a screaming catfight, hair gets pulled, clothes get torn, beer bottles get broken…

Okay, so maybe the idea isn’t all bad.

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Tennis player Maria Sharapova with the light-up dress at a boutique in London June 17, 2009. REUTERS/Stefan Wermuth

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Blog Guy, I know you declared that wedding countdown bra to be the worst idea ever. Now that we have a winner, are you finished watching for other stupid stuff?

Hardly. In fact, I may have spoken too soon. The beer bike, which is a tourist thing over in the Dutch Holland Netherlands, may be even more lame than the bra.

Tourists get on and pedal it, while drinking beer and singing karaoke. I’m serious.

Here are photos of it. ALL the tourists are facing the bar and karaoke machine while moving through one of the most beautiful cities in the world. It’s wasted on them, because they’d rather drink beer and sing “Country Roads.”

You’re right, Blog Guy, that is a LOT stupider than the countdown bra. Can you just imagine…

Shhhhhh! Sorry, I’m trying to calculate if one of those North Korean karaoke-seeking missiles might be able to get all the way to the Dutch Holland Netherlands.

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Tourists cycle as they drink beer and sing karaoke on a beer bike in Amsterdam June 12, 2009. The beer bike is a mobile, pedal-powered bar. REUTERS/Robin van Lonkhuijsen/United Photos

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Every so often an idea comes along that is so awful it makes me wonder why there isn’t a “Bad Idea Hall of Fame” or maybe a “Bad Idea Olympics.”

Meet the “marriage hunting” bra, unveiled today in Tokyo.

It features a digital marriage countdown clock and, being a bra, it is worn around the midriff. I’m not making this up.

Gleefully, I imagine what happens when some potential husband out on a date thinks he’s getting to second base. Fumbling in the darkness he runs across the digital countdown readout and other circuitry, and…

The drama potential here is just too indescribably delicious.

“Honey, will you be my wife? That’s wonderful! Let’s head to the airport right now, so we can fly off to meet my family!”

Video report on the bra

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A model displays lingerie maker Triumph International’s new “Konkatsu Bra”, literally meaning “marriage hunting” bra, during an unveiling in Tokyo May 13, 2009. The bra features a marriage countdown clock showing the marriage deadline set by the wearer and when an engagement ring is inserted between the cups the melody of “The Wedding March” is played to celebrate the engagement. The characters on the bra read, “now hunting for a husband”.
REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

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Blog Guy, what’s t he stupidest thing you’ve seen all year?

Saya, the humanoid robot teacher who supposedly makes facial expressions.

What’s so stupid about her?

They’re the worst expressions I’ve ever seen. I mean, who are we kidding?

These photos show Saya showing happiness, surprise, anger, disgust and fear, plus a shot of actress Martha Plimpton so I have an even number of headshots. Can you tell which expression is which?

The second one down on the left is Plimpton, I think.

That one isn’t part of the test.

Um, top right is happiness, I know that. Bottom right is anger, for sure.

Wrong and wrong. My point is, this will teach a whole generation of kids totally incorrect facial cues. When they enter a room, they won’t know a surprise party from an execution. I guess that’s good news for grifters and incompetent mimes, but for everyone else… You understand?

Sure. You’re saying Martha Plimpton is a robot?

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Above: humanoid robot named Saya is touched by school pupils during a demonstration at an elementary school in Tokyo, May 7, 2009. The robot can speak different languages and make facial expressions with motors inside her face. REUTERS/Issei Kato

Headshots:

happiness, surprise

Plimpton, fear

anger, disgust

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Blog Guy, I’m CEO of a struggling U.S. company. I need to reduce my Information Technology costs. My employees act like computers grow on trees, abusing equipment and stuff. Our geeky tech staff is too timid to crack the whip. Help!

Maybe you’re hiring your techies in the wrong place, sir. Send your recruiters to the Information Technology college, in Baghdad.

As you can see here, their grads won’t put up with crap from your whiny workers.

They’re pretty impressive, I must say.

Exactly. Imagine one of your employees shows up hung-over in the morning, spills coffee in his keyboard and calls Tech Support. Now imagine two or three of these guys answering his call. What sort of workers do you employ, if I may ask?

Um, journalists.

Oh. Then I’d hire several hundred of these dudes.

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Students of the Information Technology college dress in costumes during a celebration of their graduation ceremony in al-Nahrain University in Baghdad May 5, 2009. REUTERS/ Thaier al-Sudani

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Blog Guy, you know a lot about the inner workings of government. I was wondering, how does President Barack Obama keep on schedule?

It’s not easy. A guy like Obama has three, maybe four appointments a day. It’s hard to be on time for that much stuff. He’s always looking at his watch, as you can see in this photo.

A wristwatch! I So THAT’S the secret!

But there’s a catch. The first lady, Michelle, is quite a prankster. She’s always messing with his watch, to see if she can get him to eat six meals a day, go to bed at 2 p.m., miss a flight on Air Force One, stuff like that. She’s a real hoot.

I love it! Tomfoolery and shenanigans at the White House! So what’s happening in this picture?

Michelle got him good. He’s remembering he’s supposed to be in China, and he’s wondering why it’s lunchtime when he still has syrup from breakfast on his chin.

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First lady Michelle Obama smiles as President Barack Obama looks at his watch at the celebration of Cinco de Mayo at the White House in Washington May 4, 2009. REUTERS/ Yuri Gripas

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