Blog Guy, I see President and Mrs. Bush are watching the Olympics from the stands, just like regular people. That must be awesome, to sit near the First Family!

It depends on your perspective. I hear they can be kind of irritating sometimes. Laura Bush likes to tap people on the back and then act like she doesn’t know what happened.

As for the President, he’ll make mocking faces and flick the person in front of him, and then when they turn around he’s all like, “What, I’m the President of the United States! Would I flick you?”

Of course, if those people try defending themselves, the Secret Service has them on the ground in handcuffs before they know what’s happening! Does that seem fair?

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President George Bush and first lady Laura Bush watch swimming events at the Beijing Olympic Games, August 11, 2008. REUTERS/Kai Pfaffenbach

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It’s time once again for Things Maybe We Should Have Explained in a Caption, but Didn’t.

In the photo below, we’re told the President “playfully pats the back” of a volleyball team player, “at her invitation.”

Huh? It seems like we’re missing half the story here. If you’re not Barney the presidential dog, then how do you invite the Commander-in-Chief to pat your back?

Surely the Secret Service knows to intervene when somebody says, “Mr. President! Caress my latissimus dorsi!” If not, then they’d better learn before he visits the weightlifting team.

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What did one President Bush say to the other President Bush at an embassy dedication in Beijing?

“Me and Laura are orderin’ some Chinese carry-out tonight, Dad. You in?”

“Have you noticed how much Beijing looks like Peking, where you used to be the ambassador?”

“You think we’ll be able to get any sports on TV here?”

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U.S. President George W. Bush (L) speaks to his father, former U.S. President George H.W. Bush, during the dedication of the new U.S. embassy in Beijing August 8, 2008. REUTERS/Larry Downing

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Blog Guy, President Bush said again today North Korea is still in the Axis of Evil. Does that mean they’re all evil, all the time, or do they get a break on weekends?

No, nobody’s evil all the time. For instance, North Korean leader Kim Jong-il loves to entertain his troops with a stand-up comedy act, which is mostly impressions. Here he’s saying, “I think Roy Orbison in a safari shirt would go something like this…”

Apart from Orbison, Kim also does Babe Ruth, Eleanor Roosevelt and  Donald Trump. Of course, nobody in North Korea has ever heard of any of those folks, but they sure do seem to enjoy his act, don’t they?

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North Korean leader Kim Jong-il (R) visits a military unit at an undisclosed location in North Korea in this recent picture released by KCNA on August 6, 2008. REUTERS/KCNA

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Hey, Blog Guy - I’ve read that President Bush is a big fan of legendary songwriter Cole Porter. Is that true?

Yes. He even performed recently at an annual gathering of fans of the songwriter, “Friends of Cole,” though it was a bit embarrassing. Due to an unfortunate typo, Bush’s staff had brought along a huge banner with the songwriter’s name misspelled, as you can see in this photo.

Despite that mishap, Bush sang his Cole Porter favorites, like “I’ve Got My Eyes on You,” “Anything Goes,” After You, Who?” and “My Heart Belongs to Daddy.“

President George W. Bush speaks at the 2008 Annual Meeting of the West Virginia Coal Association in White Sulphur Springs July 31, 2008. REUTERS/ Jim Young

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or has the Secret Service started using younger agents.

You’re right. Due to a misprint in a Secret Service recruiting ad, the entry age for agents was cut recently from 21 years to 21 WEEKS!

An agency official admitted the resulting change has been rough. “We’ve had teething problems,” he said.

One of the new baby agents said a few rough spots were to be expected. “We have to crawl before we can walk,” he explained.

Related post: Oh, so you say VEEner Schnitzel?

U.S. President George W. Bush holds 5-month-old Stanley Debshaw, of Henry, Ill., before leaving the Greater Peoria Regional Airport in Peoria, Illinois, July 25, 2008. REUTERS/Larry Downing

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Blog Guy, I see a lot of pictures of President Bush wearing various baseball caps. I was wondering, where does he get those?

Right. Whenever Air Force One lands, there’s a designated “basket lady.” She’s allowed through security with assorted small items to sell to the President. Baseball caps, tangerines, meat products…

Sometimes, as you can see in this photo, if he has enough small bills he’ll just buy the whole basket. After take-off he wears the hat and eats the food.

That’s not true! I think you’re just making up moronic horse-poopy again!

Oh yeah? Where ELSE would the President of the United States get a baseball cap?

President George W. Bush poses with Freedom Corps volunteer Sherri Goggin upon his arrival at Dobbins Air Reserve Base in Atlanta, GA, July 22, 2008. Bush is on a daytrip to Georgia to attend a Republican party fundraiser. REUTERS/Jason Reed

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“So, you girls come here often? What’s yer sign? Hot enough fer ya in DC?

“What do I DO? Doncha recanize me?

“I’ll give ya a hint. I’m on TV EVERY day!

“Naw, I’m not Regis, but that’s a good guess. Does the name President Bush ring a bell?

“Well, right, but see that one was my daddy. We’re BOTH presidents! I’m really serious! I have photo ID here somewhere….”

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President George W. Bush sits with Olympians, including Jackie Joyner Kersee (L), at a dinner in honor of U.S. past and present Olympians in the White House, July 21, 2008. REUTERS/ Joshua Roberts

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Blog Guy, I notice you seem to settle a lot of bets, and I hope you can help me. A bunch of us were debating how long President Bush could hold a half-cup of warm tapioca pudding in his mouth before he’d have to spit it out. Can you find out?

Not so fast, hotshot. Do you mean the first President Bush, or the second one?

Oh. Right. The second. The one who’s there now.

Ah. Okay. Well, so far it’s been six hours and twelve minutes, and he’s still going strong. I’ll let you know when there’s a final result.

More about George Bush

U.S. President George W. Bush holds a news conference in the briefing room of the White House in Washington July 15, 2008. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

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Hey Blog Guy, last month some dude wrote in about a rumored conspiracy involving prominent newsmakers who communicate with each other through a secret hand gesture language. You said that wasn’t true.

Well, the rumors are growing, and we think the plot could go all the way to  the top. Yes, I mean George Clooney! The news media are aiding the conspirators, by running photos of the gestures so these people can’t be linked by phone calls and meetings.

Calm down. You obviously know nothing about the news media. What you’re suggesting would have to involve someone with a global audience who is so easily duped that he wouldn’t notice a consistent pattern. That would border on the moronic, wouldn’t it?

George Bush: REUTERS photo by Michael Dalder

George Clooney: REUTERS photo by Jason Reed

John McCain: REUTERS photo by Brian Snyder

Tony Blair: REUTERS photo by Kim Kyung-Hoon

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