Blog Guy, I remember from a few months ago you were in trouble with the tennis people for implying that they are unattractive when they play the game.

I think you had to agree to choose your photos randomly, and run a disclaimer. How’s that going?

Very well, I think. For instance, I put together this display from the French Open, and I just used the most recent photos of each player.

I admit I was wrong before. They are quite a good-looking group of young men and women.

I’m glad to see you’re being adult about this. And what about the disclaimer? Come on, let’s have it.

“Many tennis players do not look as constipated as the ones in these photos. Any resemblance between these players and a Manson Family Reunion is purely coincidental.” There. Happy?

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Above: Anna-Lena Groenefeld of Germany plays a shot during her match against Gisela Dulko of Argentina at the French Open tennis tournament in Paris, May 27, 2009.  REUTERS/ Vincent Kessler

Left: Assorted goofy tennis player shots from REUTERS

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Photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

Blog Guy, I heard there was some kind of financial disaster involving your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop.

It’s horrible. We spent a huge portion of our 2009 acquisition budget for the photo on the right of comedian Jerry Lewis mugging in Cannes this week. We were told this was the only Jerry Lewis goofy face shot in existence.

And that isn’t true?

What do you think? It turns out that’s all this guy does. You lift a camera within a mile of him, his tongue flops out like he’s on Novocaine.

As far as I can tell, over the last decade he hasn’t made one serious face. Not at funerals, tax audits, not even at “Marley and Me.”

I’m so sorry. How are you going to make up your loss?

Don’t tell anyone, but we have an inside track on buying Jim Carrey’s only known goofy face photo. Our future is riding on this.

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Above: Comedian Jerry Lewis arrives on the red carpet for the screening of the film “Bright Star” by director Jane Campion at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival, May 15, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Below: Assorted Jerry Lewis goofy faces by Reuters photographers.

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Photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

Some readers have asked recently why I don’t seem to mention the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop much these days.

Yes, it’s still open, right here in the heart of the nation’s capital, and in fact we’re gearing up for the summer tourist rush, when weekly traffic may reach the high two figures.

It’s just that… Well, now that we’re popular, we barely even have to work for our exhibits any longer, so it’s not so much fun. It’s too easy.

I mean, if I get one more call from an agent saying, “You won’t believe the hideous shot I have for you of George Clooney! It’ll make you puke!”

Here are some of our newest goof-shots, paired with “normal” photos of the same people. I’ll let  you figure out which are which.

Meanwhile, readers of this blog should let me know if you’re coming our way. I can discount your museum tickets - most of you should stay off the public streets as much as possible.

And of course, for a genuine DC treat, you’ll want to try our yummy snacks from the museum’s Partially- Eaten Doughnuts Bin. For a real bargain, ask about our “Day-before-yesterday Doughnut of the Day” special.

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Above: Incoming White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel gestures prior to the inauguration ceremony of Barack Obama in Washington, January 20, 2009. REUTERS/Jim Young

Below: Barack Obama, Heidi Klum and Rahm Emanuel, REUTERS photos

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I like fancy new technical gadgets as much as the next guy, as long as the next guy is an Amish farmer, but here’s one I just don’t see catching on.

An inventor has come up with a hands-free device he says will let you control your iPod using facial expressions, like winking and sticking out your tongue.

The downside is you have to walk around making grotesque faces, like you’re one of those people who can’t control nervous tics. Not to name names, but I’m talking about Renee Zellweger and Gilbert Gottfried.

So what if you’re really in the mood to hear “Honky Tonk Women,” so you wink and stick out your tongue just as some drunk Hells Angels are going by? You could end up with your iPod in a part of your anatomy where you won’t hear it again for a few days, if you catch my drift.

Our video item says the inventor is currently looking for business partners to turn his invention into a commercial product. Hey, why not try the Hells Angels?

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Above: Fashion model in 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Kiyoshi Ota

Below: Actor Josh Brolin in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

Photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

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Many of you have asked me to do blog updates on events at the popular Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, here in Washington, DC.

Big things are happening! During inauguration week Washington was bursting at the seams, and the Museum got seven visitors - a record for us!

Our gift shop sold two mugs and had five t-shirts shop-lifted, another record! Plus, the Health Department says our doughnut machine is just a couple of cleanings away from passing inspection!

But the REALLY big news is that we’ve opened our long-awaited Don Knotts Exhibit, to show photos of celebrities making the late comedian’s iconic pop-eyed face.

Watch out, Smithsonian!

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Don Knotts, Andy Griffith Show publicity

Barack Obama/ REUTERS Larry Downing

Hillary Clinton/ REUTERS Kevin Lamarque

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Blog Guy, give us an update. A few days ago you were in big trouble for running funny pictures of tennis players. I believe some players were coming to talk to you about showing more respect. How did that turn out?

Pretty well. I promised them that from now on, I will choose my tennis photos randomly, like the ones here, without looking for goofy faces.

That sounds reasonable. I heard you also agreed to run a disclaimer each time you show tennis players.

Yeah. Here it is:

“Most tennis players don’t look as much like Ratso Rizzo as the ones seen in this blog. Many of them have full control of their face some of the time.”

That’s very nice. I don’t see how they could ever object to that.

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Above: Tomas Berdych REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

Below: Jeremy Chardy REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

Jelena Dokic REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

Dinara Safina REUTERS/Petar Kujundzic

Marat Safin REUTERS/Mick Tsikas

REUTERS photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

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Blog Guy, I’m hoping you can help me. I collect photos of dancing U.S. Presidents.

Then I doubt if anyone can help you.

My collection begins with a priceless Daguerreotype of Zachary Taylor doing a polka in 1849, and includes a never-published photo of Dwight Eisenhower doing the Twist.

Awesome! You don’t have that rumored photo of Jimmy Carter on a disco floor, do you?

Yep, that’s mine. But I’m missing the last three presidents because of some unpleasantness, and I thought you might help me with those.

Sure. Do you think you’d want to exhibit your collection at my popular Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop?

Let me think about it. I get out in six years, or maybe earlier with good behavior.

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President Barack Obama dances at an inaugural ball, January 20, 2009. REUTERS/ Jason Reed

President George W. Bush dances in front of the media in 2008 photo. REUTERS/Jason Reed

President Clinton and Brazilian soccer legend Pele appear almost as if they are dancing as they embrace in 1997 photo. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

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Blog Guy, you did a recent blog piece about the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop opening a room of goofy tennis faces…

Stop! I know just where this is going.

Right. An agency that manages athletes for endorsements has attacked you for calling tennis players “naturally goofy people who enjoy making dumb faces.” The agency said that was an “outrageous thing to say about a very attractive group of people.”

Yeah, we have a difference of opinion. Anyway, they’re sending a hand-picked committee of five big-name tennis players to the Museum today to discuss their concerns with me.

I’m having my assistant dig out some photos of the five, so I’ll know when I see them.

Hey, Lonnie! We got any pix of some guy named David Nalbandian?

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Above: David Nalbandian REUTERS/Daniel Munoz.

Below: Radek Stepanek REUTERS/Tim Wimborne Marion Bartoli REUTERS/Tim Wimborne Richard Gasquet REUTERS/Tim Wimborne Victoria Azarenka REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

REUTERS photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

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Blog Guy, I’m going to Washington for the inauguration, and I’m so intrigued by your posts on the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop that I plan to visit that, too.

Cool! We’ve just added rooms for tennis and boxing photos to our Goofy Sports Faces Gallery.

What made you do that?

We noticed that boxers make some great faces, although in fairness having a glove slam your pie hole with three tons of force does help a bit.

And the tennis players?

It turns out they’re just naturally goofy people who enjoy making dumb faces. If they weren’t tennis players, they would probably be bullfighters or weightlifters.

Is your museum doing anything special for the inauguration?

Yes, we’re featuring “Official” Barack Obama doughnuts all week.

And he’s approved this?

Of course not. That’s why we put “Official” in quotes, silly!

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Rafael Nadal, January 7, 2009, REUTERS/Steve Crisp

Richard Gasquet, January 4, 2009, REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

Shingo Yamaguchi, December 23, 2008, REUTERS/Toru Hanai

Yusuke Kobori, January 3, 2009. REUTERS/Kim Kyung-Hoon

Sara Errani, January 5, 2009. REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

REUTERS photos courtesy of
Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

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Blog Guy, you’ve written about your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, that popular tourist attraction in Washington, DC.

My family stood in line for tickets there and loved it! What a magical place! We even bought the John McCain Calendar and the Goofy Face Mug Set at your gift shop!

Thanks so much for the very kind words. We just inducted two actors - Morgan Freeman and January Jones - into our Goofy Hall of Fame, so come back and see that exhibit.

Remember our motto, “Goofy faces and warm doughnuts, they go together real good!” Also remember, we’re looking for a better motto.

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Above: 2008 Kennedy Center Honoree actor Morgan Freeman in Washington, DC,  December 6, 2008. REUTERS/Mike Theiler

Below: Actress January Jones gestures on the red carpet at the Australian Film Institute Awards in Melbourne, December 6, 2008. REUTERS/Mick Tsikas

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