Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hey, where’s that tear gas coming from?

Photo

Blog Guy, it must be tough covering news in hostile situations. How do you keep track of all the different weapons they use?

You rely on your instincts. For instance, the caption for this top photo says a soldier is firing tear gas at youths who are throwing stones, but I’m not so sure.

PALESTINIANS-ISRAEL/MOSQUE

What do you think it is, then?

Well, it’s been a while since my days of being tear-gassed and pepper-gassed, but I don’t remember that enormous flash of light we’re seeing in this photo. So I might be tempted to say it’s a Klingon Death Blaster, or one of those new Shoulder-Operated Volcano Lava Spewers.

MEXICO/Yikes! Any other possibilities?

I guess it could be the prototype of that “Oh the Humanity! Whoopee Cushion,” but supposedly only Honduras has that at this point.

The world’s most dangerous sport?

Photo

CHINA/

Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my haberdasher’s chimney sweep?

That’s why I’m here, to settle stupid bets. What is it this time?

hokey pokey vertical 220What is the most dangerous game in the world? I say it’s Floppy Clown Shoe Minefield Parachuting, but the chimney sweep thinks it’s Lightning Storm Aluminum Pacemaker Pole Vaulting. Who’s right?

Would sober guys wear these hats?

Photo

GERMANY/

Hello Boss, sorry to bother you at home. It’s me, Gretchen. You hired me as a bartender, remember?

Of course! Danke schön for calling, Gretchen. How are things going at the beer hall?

Okay, the next round’s on me!

Photo

CHINA/

Quick quiz: The troops in this photograph, clearly nervous and struggling, are…

shells vertical 220a) …playing a variation on Russian Roulette and wondering what theyhave to do to win.

Run for cover, boys, they’re shootin’ blanks!

Photo

obstacle top 490

I’m just not positive what’s going on here.

This caption says a trainer is firing blanks as a soldier jumps off a platform during an obstacle course at an Iraqi military base, while U.S. soldiers take shelter from the scorching summer sun and watch the Iraqis train. Let’s watch and learn…

IRAQ-USA/BRIGADE

“Okay men, listen up! This is an important training exercise for all those times when the enemy expects us to jump off a platform while they shoot blanks at us!

The best job title on earth?

Photo

Boss? How come you’re in the office reading crime reports on such a nice day?

THAILAND-ARMSDEALER/Are you kidding, Lamar? This is what I’ve been waiting for! Look at the photos of this suspected arms dealer, Viktor Bout, also known as the “Merchant of Death.”

How drunk do you have to BE, Lamar?

Photo

So Doc, tell me. How did the operation go to remove that cyst? I feel great!

ODD-GERMANY/BULLETWell Lamar, surprisingly it wasn’t a cyst at all. It was a bullet, lodged right there in your head, I’d say for five or six years. You’ve been carrying it around all this time.

A bullet, huh? I’ll be! I guess that would be from a New Year’s Eve party.

It’s quiet, the Death Panel must be reloading

Photo

hunters 1 490

Blog Guy, I’ve appreciated your items on those Government Death Panels that came with the health care reform package. You’re the only one who tells it like it is. I mean, just you and Fox News.

As I understand it, they have to come to our home, right? They can’t do anything in public?

It only comes with a license to injure?

Photo

Blog Guy, I saw a story saying the famous Aston Martin that James Bond used in “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball” is going up for auction.

You’re too late. I actually had the winning bid. I got every guy’s fantasy car!

“Hurt Locker” soccer?

Photo

BRITAIN/

Blog Guy, I don’t know how I’m going to get through all this World Cup stuff. I’m already so bored by soccer. How about you?

Which kind are you talking about?

beckham 2 260There are different kinds of soccer?

Sure. There’s regular soccer, and then there’s that new Extreme Soccer, like they play in war zones and places like that.