Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I didn’t prepare ya for Bavaria?

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Blog Guy? I read about Oktoberfest in your blog and went to the bar you suggested, and now I wanna die!

Really? What did you order?

Hold your voice down. I’ve never had a headache this bad. I ordered “Bavarian Shooters.” My ears are still ringing. I inhaled so much black smoke…

Uh, you DID make clear you wanted a beverage, right?

Apparently not. There were SIXTY of them. I don’t think I’m gonna make it.

Look, go back to that bar, tell ‘em I sent you, and ask for some “hair of the dog.” Can you remember that?

Baby, you’re the stupidest!

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Blog Guy, I’m tired of dating smart chicks. Where can I find some stupid ones?

I can’t help you. The ones I know, especially those who read my blog, are very smart.

How I spent my summer vacation

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Welcome back to a feature called What Year is this Again? where we offer items that lack humor, but do make us wonder if we have somehow gone back in time…

Children, welcome to third grade! I’m Miss Johnson. Let’s start with all of you writing a paragraph called “How I Spent My Summer Vacation!”

I hope there are some bulls on his “death panel”

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Blog Guy, what’s the humane situation in Britain? They really love their animals, right? But so like what if you’re a Brit person and you really have this urge to be cruel to animals? Is that a problem?

You can go fox hunting, though that’s a little more difficult these days.

Presenting our new crack unit!

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General, I’m proud to give you the first look at our new battlefield attack cycle! It carries five soldiers – three with assault weapons, a lookout on top, and a driver.

This is a rolling death machine that approaches speeds of four miles an hour, downhill. We can produce them for $240,000 each. I know that sounds high, General, but most of it goes to buy life insurance for the lookout guy.

Heads I win, tails you lose…

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Blog Guy, I just lost a bunch of money to a guy flipping coins, and I can’t figure out how he did it. He beat me every time!

Let me guess. Was he playing, “Heads I win, tails you lose?”

Yes! I can’t figure out what went wrong!

Well, this is not generally a good phrase to agree to in the world of wagering. As a helpful illustration, look at these two guys in the photos.

Derringer a harbinger? Don’t shoot the messenger!

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Blog Guy, I just saw that Johnny Depp movie “Public Enemies.” Somebody told me they were auctioning off one of John Dillinger’s real guns.

Yep, it sold on Saturday, for $95,600.

Wow! What kind of gun was it?

A derringer.

Are you kidding me? The Dillinger Derringer?

I don’t kid. They wouldn’t identify the winning bidder, but it may have been actor Tom Berenger.

Doc, it hurts when I do this!

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Blog Guy, I heard there has been a huge recall of military weapons because of a safety defect. What can you tell us about this?

It’s true. It turns out if you open that little thingy on the side and stick your forefinger in there and then let the bolt slam against it enough times, your finger will turn purple, as shown by the victim in this photo.

It ain’t exactly Baywatch…

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Dear Mom and Dad,

Well, I finally made it to Bali, my dream vacation, and it’s everything I ever hoped for!

I’m writing this postcard from exotic Kuta Beach, soaking up rays, sipping a lychee martini, ogling the handsome lifeguard with his sexy combat boots and assault rifle, and thinking about…

My fellow citizens… Blammo! Kapow!

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Blog Guy, I see footage of the Secret Service guarding President Obama. It looks like a HUGE task. Has any country found a better way to protect its leaders?

A good question. Yes, of all places, Russia has. Their President, Dmitry Medvadev, protects himself.