We have some photos of President Barack Obama speaking at a middle school, where a member of the audience has the word OBAMA shaved in his hair.

Presidential haircuts are a time-honored tradition in this country, and today’s students don’t know how lucky they are to deal with a five-letter name.

Why, in my day, I didn’t think my hair would ever grow back from my John Fitzgerald Kennedy cut, which I unfortunately got a week before the assassination.

And don’t even get my grampa started on his President Franklin Delano Roosevelt haircut. Suffice it to say the last three letters actually had to be carved into his cheek, and never went away.

And speakin’ of the old days, did I ever tell you kids about the time….

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A student with an “Obama” haircut at Wright Middle School in Madison, Wisconsin, listens to U.S. President Barack Obama speak as he visits the area, November 4, 2009.   REUTERS/ Larry Downing

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Okay cheerleaders, I think we can learn something from the fashion industry.

As many of you know, some design houses have started using dog groomers to style hair for their fashion shows, trying to cut costs in these difficult times.

So now we’re trying the same thing to get our cheerleaders ready to perform.

But we’re going to push the envelope a bit here. Not only will we be trying some nice doggie hairdos - see the upper left combo - but we’re also asking our groomers to get ideas wherever they can from nature.

Girls, line up for your turn with the stylist. Lamar, back that tanker truck of hair spray into the stadium, and hook up the big hose. This is gonna be like Pompeii!

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Upper combo: Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleader performs at NFL football game between the Buccaneers and New England Patriots at Wembley Stadium in London, October 25, 2009. REUTERS/Dylan Martinez

Briard, American Kennel Club photo.

Lower combo: Tampa Bay cheerleaders perform at Wembley Stadium in London, October 25, 2009. REUTERS/Eddie Keogh

A squirrel eats a nut at Hellabrunn Zoo in Munich, October 27, 2009. REUTERS/ Michaela Rehle

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Okay fashion show staff, we’re bleeding cash here!

Our big cost-saving idea of hiring dog groomers to do our models’ hair helped a lot, but look at what we’re spending on lipstick! We can’t keep buying makeup this way!

What? Yes Judy, I guess you COULD say the lipstick problem has us “going down the tubes,” if you want to be really lame about it…

We have GOT to figure out something else to decorate the models’ lips, something we already have on hand. Think, think…

I’ve got it! Lamar, you remember when be bought 40,000 of those little Hitler mustaches, because we thought they were going to be the next big fashion thing, but then they weren’t?

Go root around in the closet and bring me some of them. I think I’ve just had a brilliant idea!

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Models present creations by Ukrainian designer Mavka Khome during Ukrainian Fashion Week in Kiev October 20, 2009.  REUTERS/Konstantin Chernichkin

Wax figure of Adolf Hitler in 2004 file photo. REUTERS

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Quick quiz: This photo shows…

a) The risk of letting tall people browse in light fixture shops

b) What happens when a dimwitted assistant is told to create a “bandolier.”

c) A woman who has begun the controversial medical procedure to turn herself into a 1991 Cadillac Fleetwood

d) A scene from the world’s cheesiest “Phantom of the Opera” production

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A model presents a creation from Mexican designer Alberto Rodriguez’s spring/summer 2010 collection during a fashion show in Mexico City October 19, 2009. REUTERS/Eliana Aponte

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Okay fashion show staff, times are hard, and we need to save more money.

We tried using dead models, but it turns out they don’t last long in the bright lights. We hired raccoons to do makeup, but there was that rabies problem.

Now, we think we have the perfect solution to the high cost of hair stylists: dog groomers!

People, there is no downside here. Groomers can work with all kinds of hair, they have a good repertoire of styles and they know how to deal with temperamental personalities.

Best of all, they already have all their own combs and brushes!

Let me demonstrate how this is going to work - the first batch of models is already out of the tubs and ready for the runway, so let’s have a look.

Say, is it just me, or do the models seem to be scratching a lot today?

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Top left: Model presents creation by designer Alexander McQueen at Paris Fashion Week, October 6, 2009. REUTERS/ Benoit Tessier

Top right: Briard, American Kennel Club photo

Bottom left: Model presents creation by designer Marc Jacobs at Paris Fashion Week, October 7, 2009. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier

Bottom right: Toy poodle in 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

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Blog Guy, I’m a hip young single guy, and I need some dating advice.

You’ve sure come to the right place. I can pretend I know all about that stuff.

I go to singles bars, and sometimes chicks will say, “You want to come back to my place?” But I don’t always know if I should.

I hear you. For starters, if she’s in the parking lot and you haven’t even gone inside yet, you should probably pass.

Wow, thanks! What else?

Well, hair can be a giveaway. If a woman looks as though hers was styled by a helicopter rotor, say something diplomatic, like “Sorry, as you can see, I’m a Roman Catholic priest.”

And what about her clothes? Should I be looking for a chick with a very low-cut top, or a more respectable turtleneck sweater, or….

Let me stop you there. The only actual rule is, if she has a top with different-colored circles glued over her breasts, AND she has the rotor hair, look her in the eye and say, “My Birthers Club is meeting here now, maybe you’d like to join us?”

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Above: Model presents a creation from Eun Jeong 2010 Spring/ Summer collection at London Fashion Week, September 18, 2009.

Right: Model presents a creation from House of Holland 2010 Spring/ Summer collection at London Fashion Week, September 21, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Stefan Wermuth

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Blog Guy, I’m a huge fan of actor Michael Douglas. Any news about him?

Sure. He’s gone totally insane. Bonkers. Mental. Deranged. Nutsy.

Wow! Do you like have deep sources at a mental hospital or clinic or something?

Nah, I’m just looking at his hair from when he showed up for a movie screening in New York yesterday. Does that look like a sane guy’s haircut?

Well no, it doesn’t, but that’s your only evidence?

No. A couple of months ago he started lurking in bushes, and saluting people even though he’s not in the military. As you can see below, I have photos to prove it.

I’m stunned! Anything else?

Yeah, here’s a photo of his wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones.

What does that prove?

Absolutely nothing, I just love to use pictures of her. Besides, while I can’t be positive, I imagine she’s saying, “What’s up with your nutjob hair? And just STOP saluting me, buster!”

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Top: Actor Michael Douglas arrives at a screening of the film “Beyond A Reasonable Doubt” in New York, September 9, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Middle: Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones reacts as she receives a surprise birthday cake in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Kim Kyung Hoon

Bottom: Douglas arrives at a presentation of his new film in Barcelona, July 8, 2009. REUTERS/Albert Gea

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Blog Guy, it’s me. That aspiring photojournalist you’re patiently mentoring.

Yes, yes, what is it now?

I’ve been shooting a lot of politicians and government officials. Should I go for photos of them waving, smiling or what?

Combing. Folks love to see shots of officials combing their hair. If a leader is about to announce your currency has tanked or you’re going to war, his hair should look good, right?

I notice all these examples show males. Are you some kind of a sexist?

No, I just can’t find a single photo of Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin or Angela Merkel combing or brushing, because women are smart enough to take care of that in private.

It’s only the men who think we want to see some big oily comb disturbing white clouds of itchy dandruff flakes.

I see. Is there a gold standard for this kind of shot?

Yes, it’s a shot of Turkey’s prime minister dropping his brush at a military parade while his wife looks on in disbelief. It’s the Best in Show. Look and learn.

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Above: European Enlargement Commissioner Olli Rehn combs his hair at a news conference at the Macedonian government in Skopje July 23, 2009. REUTERS/Ognen Teofilovski

Right: Assorted guys combing their hair. REUTERS photos.

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Blog Guy, what is Rod Blagojevich, that former Illinois governor, doing since he left office in disgrace?

Good question. That has been a real mystery, until very recently. It appears he took one of those two-week online matador courses, bought a silly outfit, and is now working as a bullfighter in Spain. I spotted him in a photo from Pamplona.

You’re right! I mean, the governor’s smirk has been replaced by a contemptuous sneer, but I’d recognize that trademark hair ANYWHERE! What was it that first tipped you off?

Well, for starters, this bullfighter goes by the nickname of “El Gobernador.” A coincidence? I think not.

Plus, I would imagine that working in proximity to Chicago’s stockyards must look pretty good on a bullfighter job application, don’t you think?

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Former Governor Rod Blagojevich, of Illinois, in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Jeff Haynes

Spanish bullfighter Juan Jose Padilla adjusts his montera (hat) before a bullfight at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, July 12, 2009. REUTERS/ Susana Vera

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Blog Guy, my friend and I are two young women who have a musical duo. We play violin and tuba.

Interesting, I’m betting there isn’t much competition in that niche market.

No, indeed. If you want a violin and tuba duo, you pretty much have to come to us.

Here’s our problem. When we show up to play a gig we like to be treated like guests until it’s time for our show, but we stick out like a sore thumb with our instrument cases. Suggestions?

Yeah, I know a hairdresser who can help hide your horn and violin until it’s time to perform. Nobody will even guess what you do.

That’s fantastic! Of course, the duo may not last much longer anyway. My partner dreams of living in the Caribbean. She wants to take her tuba to Aruba.

Don’t tell me she likes to scuba!

Okay.

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Models present creations during a hair show in Budapest June 20, 2009. REUTERS/ Karoly Arvai

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