Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
I don’t know for sure what this thing is. It looks like a bunch of blond braided hair, topped off with an anvil or a small horse head, and I gather these things are being hurled from rafters onto unsuspecting fashion models these days.
Obviously, safety precautions at this fashion show were inadequate. You can see the special horse head anvil protective netting snagged the thing but didn’t stop it, so now this poor women will have to undergo a painful horse head anvilectomy to remove it.
Meanwhile, I’m continuing my research into this alarming trend and will report back to you. I Googled fashion and anvil and small horse head and came up with a Utah educational television blurb about some blacksmith. This could take awhile.
Quick quiz: the last words this model will ever hear are…
“Folks, stay away from the panda’s cage, he LOVES stealing ice cream!”
“You should’ve had this growth looked at sooner. It may be too late alrea…”
“Honey, bring me an hors d’oeuvre from over there under that ceiling fan…”
A model presents a creation for Bandi-Panda fashion show by Chinese conceptual artist Zhao Bandi at China Fashion Week in Beijing November 4, 2007. REUTERS/Jason Lee
It can be awkward when you go pick up a blind date you met online, and she comes to the door with garlic hanging from her hair. You start wondering what a nice, sensitive guy would say, and you come up with stuff like:
“Yeah, I smelled you from the street, but I’m desperate!”
“I see you’re all ready to try out that new vampire bar.”
“Ah, when you said your hair smelled of cloves, I pictured something else.”
“Awesome blouse, you reeking stinkfest garlic goddess!”
This isn’t what you’re probably thinking.
This woman was not the victim of a Mafia hit, despite the telltale pasta on her head just like those wiseguys who often seem to flop forward into their linguine after they’ve been wasted. Nor is she doing some kind of bizarro tribute to Yankee Doodle, who stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni.
No, this model is just showing what happens when you take the phrase “angel hair” too literally: you wind up wearing a kind of clothing where you don’t need to ask the dry cleaner for starch, because it’s already there. This photo slideshow says it all:
Quick quiz: this model’s hair…
a) was styled by the Dairy Queen Frozen Custard All Night Hair Salon
b) helped make her Europe’s number one Marie Antoinette tribute artist
c) was swirled into this shape by the updraft from a passing gyrocopter
d) was the result of being sucked into a cotton candy machine at the Indiana State Fair
A model displays a creation by Japanese designer Eri Utsugi for the “mercibeaucoup,” Spring/Summer 2008 collection during Japan Fashion Week in Tokyo August 30, 2007. REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao
Anybody in advertising will tell you, do what you can to hook the customer. Now, take this watermelon salesman in the picture. I’ll bet buyers flock to him, because he’s got an act.
“Judy, we’re not getting our fruit from those other guys with no melons on their heads, and not even from that fella with only one melon. No, we’re doing business with the one who can balance two melons, until somebody comes along who can do three…”
Quick quiz: A great compliment when a woman reaches 50 is…
a) Gosh, you look just like Sharon Stone
b) Gosh, you look just like Glen Close
c) Gosh, you look just like Diane Keaton
d) Gosh, you look just like Mao Zedong
Meet Chen Yan, a 51-year-old woman who looks and acts remarkably like Chairman Mao, the Chinese leader in the portrait (left) who died in 1976. Naturally, she’s trying to figure out how to make herself some money out of that. She has movies in mind, but how many Mao flicks the world needs is anybody’s guess.
Okay, the caption tells us this fashion model is showing swimsuit “accessories.” Nice try. I don’t think this thing counts as an accessory, unless you’re Cleopatra heading for a splash with Mark Antony.
I mean, who goes swimming with a whole pavilion on her head? I don’t care how sexy the bikini might be, folks don’t want to have Miss Hot Stuff flop into the aluminum lounge chair next to them, blocking the rays with a hat that looks like a sundial.