Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
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People say to me all the time, “Bob, your blog is SO stupid, how do you get people to read it?”
These folks don’t understand how online journalism works. You can write anything you want, and if you put a good headline on it people will read it. Especially if you hint at immortality, easy weight loss or better sex.
If your headline offers a numbered list, that’s even better. The best thing of all is a moderately clever play on words, which will attract people who think they are smart, and improve your demographics.
Toss in a photo of a nice dog or the Duchess of Cambridge, and it’s a hit.
This is a very good deal, because it means I work about five minutes a day.
Looking back at the blog for this year, here are my favorite headlines. Smart people, come on down!
The strain on Cain is changing his campaign?
In case some of you missed it because of the freak snowstorm, I’m going to mention an unusual political story from Saturday. It involves Herman Cain, one of the front-runners for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination.
According to the Associated Press, Cain said he will “dial back” his campaign and media appearances in order to avoid missteps.
For those of you who don’t speak slang, “dial back” means he’s going to reduce them. There have been a number of recent stories about Cain having to “clarify” his own comments on issues such as immigration, abortion and terrorism suspects.
According to the AP story, Cain blames a grueling campaign schedule for the problem.
Wait. There hasn’t been a single primary and the man is already tired?
He’s now going to make fewer statements so he doesn’t make as many misstatements? He plans to campaign less so he needs fewer clarifications?
Class, get out your rulers…
Blog Guy, I’ve heard that the British Royal Family isn’t very well educated. That’s hard to believe, what with being the land of Shakespeare and everything.
Well, it turns out that when you spend all day changing into different costumes and hats and jewelry and stuff, your education can be neglected.
But to their very great credit, both Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, have returned to what we would call grade school, to start over. I applaud them.
Here there are, on their first day, in a history class. Just think of it as Hogwarts, but with tighter security.
Do we have any idea what this history teacher is saying to Camilla in the photo?
I believe he asked her who won the American Revolution and she said, “The bad guys.” It’s going to be an uphill struggle.
Good one Shra… he reminds me of Bilbo Baggins from LOTR.
The importance of…Have I used this headline before?
It’s summer, Blog Guy, and that means lots of funny local competitions. I hope you’re monitoring those for your readers.
I’m all over it. Looks like they just had some kind of “Plump Old Coot” contest in Key West, Florida, open to guys with big guts, white beards and Boy Scout uniforms. I have a photo of six of them.
Wait Blog Guy, I think this was that Ernest Hemingway lookalike contest that they have down there. They hold it every year at Sloppy Joe’s Bar.
You always write about it, and you always use the same headline, “The Importance of Being Ernest.”
Are you kidding me? Those guys are supposed to look like Hemingway? No way.
That one guy could pass for that singer Kris Kristofferson. Another one looks like the actor Robert Prosky… But Ernest Hemingway? I don’t think so.
heheLet me regalia with a story…
Needless to say, we’re very excited about the big unveiling, Lamar. We hired you to design military uniforms for our newly independent country because of your reputation.
No, as the very cheapest. So let’s see what you’ve come up with.
Wow! I LOVE it! Braid, epaulets, sashes, brass buckles, kilts, spats, doodads, frippery, geegaws…
Was there any particular military unit that influenced you the most in your design?
Well, I wouldn’t wear these uniforms around the Salvation Army headquarters if I were you.
jclimaus, last I checked, it’s customary NOT to wear underwear underneath one’s kilt. Just saying…
The carrot and the shtick?
Hey Blog Guy, it’s me. That guy who collects photographs of famous people with vegetables. Bet you didn’t think you’d hear from me again.
Well, I did change my photo and got new sunglasses. What do you want? The last time I offered you photos of Michelle Obama with sweet potatoes and you said that wasn’t special enough.
It wasn’t. First ladies with sweet potatoes are a dime a dozen, going back to Lucretia Garfield.
How about the Michelle Obama with red peppers? Here’s one on the left.
Sorry, the famous person actually needs to be touching the vegetable.
What would you say to Michelle Obama holding a carrot?
Skeres! Was just about to say that!
Though cool as she is, Michelle O cant beet the Bugs! 
The Rhymes they are A-Changin’
Blog Guy, I read in a Reuters story that some previously unpublished lyrics by legendary songwriter Bob Dylan are going up for auction this month.
Yes, it’s an incredible window into the creative process. The lyrics are heavily annotated, sometimes in crayon, so you can actually see how they evolved.
People may be very surprised at the earliest versions of some of the legendary legend’s classics.
Can you give us examples?
Sure. There are unedited first drafts of “Blowin’ in the Window,” “Don’t Give it a Second Thought, it’s Okay,” and “Like a Pebble that Rolls If You Kick It.”
Those were his originals titles? Boy, it really makes you think, huh? Give us more.
LOL! Thanks Malt..
I can imagine a lot of coughs, umm, I mean laughs, around when that song is playing..
You betcha those British are comin’!
Blog Guy, I’m surprised you didn’t get involved in the Sarah Palin thing a couple of days ago, when she told her goofy version of Paul Revere’s ride.
Yeah, I do have to admit that was the best video clip I’ve seen since Miss South Carolina immortalized herself a few years ago.
Exactly! This is a story that every school child learns from that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem. You know, “Listen my children and you shall hear, Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere…”
Look, Palin has clearly done her research, and has chosen to go with Longfellow’s alternate, second version of the poem.
A second version? I didn’t know that! How does it go?
It goes something like this:
He lied about what did, claiming someone else did it. Worse, after he admitted he did it, he continued to lie. First, he lied about it becasue he knew what he did was inappropriate. Now, after havibng admitted he committed the acts, he says he did “nothing inappropriate.” Multiple layers of deception. I believe people in positions of authority should set the standard by personal example.
Shermanize me another burger, honey!
Blog Guy, I’ve been a real fan of Williams-Sonoma, that shop for pretentious foodies, ever since I first read about it here. Is their Summer Cookout Catalog out yet?
Yes, and it’s fabulous! I recommend this item at the top, the Deluxe Outdoor Guacamole Maker, $299.99. You can serve up perfect fresh guacamole, while your guests watch with envy!
I LOVE guacamole, but my avocado chunks are always too big.
You can forget about that problem when you say hello to this patented sledge hammer action. Plus, it’s digital!
What other new cookout gadgets are there?
I like The Shermanizer, $369.99, from the Pots ‘n’ Panzer section.
Give your money to me
No, I don’t really want you to send me your money. Unless, you know, you don’t want it.
That headline was just a trick, a gimmick that we journalists sometimes use to get you to read stories you wouldn’t otherwise notice.
As I write this, the most-discussed story on reuters.com is an opinion piece headlined, “Don’t donate money to Japan.“
It is attracting thousands of clicks, but also some criticism from readers who say it was irresponsible. I myself doubt whether that headline stopped anyone from donating. If folks are taking orders from headline writers now, it’s news to me.
The problem is, writing trick headlines can become just too easy. The same blogger who is enjoying such success with this one, last year wrote, “Don’t give money to Haiti.”
I hope he realizes that if his personal fortunes ever go south and he is forced to beg outside our office in Times Square, somebody is bound to write, “Don’t give money to that blogger.”
I agree with ineb… he totally is…
I also agree with Spin…
and if people start copying him, then I would agree with Nosmo too…
There, arent we all agreeable today?
Now, where are the doughnuts?
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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That dog looks just like Medo the bear, only a few years older. We’ll miss that bear too.
I will be having withdrawal symptoms soon. Maybe I’ll start blogging myself on facebook, and try to honour the BG’s spirit of blogging. Anyone else up for this? Maybe we should do a joint-blog together and give the throne to Mr. Bas himself.