Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

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Blog Guy, I heard the Italians are pioneering new treatment for coma patients. Do you know about this?

Yes, I think you’re talking about the one where beautiful Italian women wearing next to nothing move sensuously around patients in a last-ditch attempt to awaken them.

Interesting. what sort of success rate do they have?

Uh, it says here that for female patients, the treatment has done absolutely nothing.

That’s too bad. And what about for male patients?

It seems the success rate is 98 percent. It has even worked on a few dead guys.

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A dancer performs in front of Jose Mourinho, Portuguese soccer coach, during the taping of the television program “Chiambretti Night” in Milan, April 1, 2009. REUTERS photos by Paolo Bona

The grossest story on earth?

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Blog Guy, I’m a 12-year-old boy and I’m going camping with my friends next weekend. I could use a gross story to tell around the campfire. Make it REALLY disgusting!

Be careful what you ask for, kid. We have a video report today by Penny Tweedie, about a diver who shot himself in the head with his own harpoon in a freak accident.

Taking a stab at a swordid business?

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Today we have a video clip of a sword swallower who says – now prepare to be stunned – it’s a dangerous thing to do.

No way! Who the heck would have figured that giving yourself a colonoscopy with 30 inches of cold steel could be dangerous?

What’s that on your forehead, Lonnie?

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Blog Guy, I’m a U.S. businessman who wants to outsource jobs to China. First, I need to build a big factory and office over there. Do you know a good building firm?

Wait just a minute. You’ll pay through the nose for a “good” building firm. I strongly recommend you put together a team of recent carpentry grads from someplace like Shanghai Tool School.

Do you snake after every meal?

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Blog Guy, I know you’re an expert on oral hygiene. I brush during every meal, floss all day at my desk and eat only carrots, but I still get cavities. What can I do?

How often to you snake?

I beg your pardon?

I’m asking how often you put a live snake in your mouth to get rid of germs that cause decay.

I’m drunk as a Peruvian janitor!

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It turns out that Peru’s top court has ruled that workers cannot be fired for being drunk on the job.

I’ll repeat that, so it can sink in. Workers. Drunk as a skunk. Can’t be fired. In Peru.

A sick day’s nothing to sneeze at!

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I love this video report on a controversy in the UK. A cold remedy is running commercials suggesting sick people “Take a Benylin Day” from work, to recover. Their Website offers advice for calling in sick, DVDs to watch at home etc.

But the UK Federation of Small Businesses calls the ads “outrageous.”

Welcome to New South Whales, mate!

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Quick quiz: The famous “Flying Doctor” service in New South Wales, Australia, which carries folks to medical help from remote areas, is getting larger airplanes because…

1. Their coverage area has grown

2. Bird flu is expected to take a huge toll

3. They need to fly to farther hospitals

4. People are getting too large to fit in the ones they’re using now

Yep, it’s that last thing. The planes now in use can only carry people weighing up to 308 pounds, but they’re getting new ones so they can handle jumbo patients up to 573 pounds. I am not making this up.

Awwww, who’s a GOOD hyena!

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The actual caption for this photo tells us this dude is “posing” with a hyena. Now, in the city where I live, hyena-posing hasn’t really caught on yet, so I decided to look into this a bit more.

It turns out it’s not all that unusual to see street entertainers in Nigeria with “trained” hyenas. They travel to the places where they work in public taxis. I am not making that up.

Fashion flaws, guys in gauze…

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Super-secret memo to fashion show staff -

Okay, this isn’t a criticism. You did what you had to do when every single male model at the show refused to wear our creations and said they were “creepier than hyena poop.”

And yes, the models did provoke you by saying, “If you want us to wear this garbage, you’re going to have to torture us.”