Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

How the rich and powerful keep fit

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Blog Guy, as someone who hangs out with the power elite, can you tell me how they manage to stay in shape? I mean, they must get free food anytime they want, so how do they cope with all that?

Good question. Powerful people usually hire other powerful people as their personal trainers.

Really? It’s that simple? I’m not doubting you, but it’s kind of hard to believe. So who does Michelle Obama use,  just for instance?

She uses Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Here she is, following his tough calisthenics regimen while practicing her goofy faces at the same time. It’s called “multi-tasking.”

What could be insaner than to smoke like Speaker Boehner?

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Quick quiz: Speaker of the House John Boehner is puffing on a cigarette…

a) in his own back yard.

b) in Ohio or someplace like that.

c) in an airplane lavatory after invoking his Congressional Smoke Detector Disabling Privileges.

d) at a White House picnic.

You’re not going to believe this, but he is indeed at a White House family picnic, complete with foot-long hot dogs, a pie-throwing contest, and impressionable children.

A skeleton crew of bikini models?

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Ah, this is the life, right Lamar? Fashion Week in Brazil, where the women are gorgeous and shapely and we can really show off our most daring bikinis.

I hope you’ve gone all-out to get us some great-looking… OMG! What do you call THAT?

Sweet revenge against extremists?

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Okay, here is another real news story that is so goofy I don’t know what to make of it.

It has been reported from London that British spies hacked into an al Qaeda Website to replace instructions on how to build a bomb with recipes for making cupcakes.

Just another blood-sucking ski resort?

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Blog Guy, you know that city in Siberia that you like to call Wackytown? Didn’t you say you organize tours there, so your readers can see for themselves?

Yes, Krasnoyarsk is the goofiest spot on earth. Maybe you’d like to sign up for my upcoming ski resort holiday there.

Come over to my yard for a fling?

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FOOD-SUMMIT/

Man, I love it when true stuff is stranger than anything I could make up for my blog. I mean, it’s like having a day off.

So I’m looking at an e-mail from the Pottery Barn folks, and down below the duvet covers and patchwork quilts I see something called Safety Recall Information. It informs me the chain is recalling a hammock stand.

Shape up with our new regal regimen!

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BRITAIN/

Man, I gotta say, that was just creepy!

queen gym vertical 100What was, Lamar?

Are you kidding, Clancy? You didn’t see who was just here?

No, I was watching that Lady Gaga video on the big screen. Who was it?

Queen Elizabeth.

She was NOT!

Was too!

That IS strange. I don’t think she’s even a member here! What did she do?

She told me this machine is “jolly good for one’s quadriceps.”

The toughest health club in the world?

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EU-SUMMIT/

Sir, thanks for stopping by for a tour of our health club. We’re very proud of our facilities.

EU-SUMMIT/Is there anything you’re especially looking for in a new gym? Spinning classes? Free weights? Yoga?

Models with low sylph-esteem?

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fashion skinny 490

Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice. I want to find a job.

FASHION-BRITAIN/What’s been holding you back, if I might ask?

Well, I’ve had a run of bad luck that left me pretty skinny. First, I fell asleep on the liposuction machine and it ran all night, and then I got a tapeworm….

Gosh. I suppose maybe you could…

I’m not finished with my sad story. Then I got lost in a cave for six weeks without any food. When I finally got out, I was rescued by a weight loss club.

The cigarettes are in the cabinet?

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smoking minister 490

Quick quiz: The politician puffing away in this photo is…

smoking canadian 260a) Going to be grounded if her mom catches her smoking again…

b) Not likely to be the first stop on “Take Your Child to Parliament Day”

c) The star of a one-woman stage tribute to legendary musician Roy Orbison

d) A senior Canadian cabinet minister

Congratulations if you guessed d). She is the International Cooperation Minister for Canada. Really.