Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I’ve appreciated your items on those Government Death Panels that came with the health care reform package. You’re the only one who tells it like it is. I mean, just you and Fox News.
As I understand it, they have to come to our home, right? They can’t do anything in public?
Sorry, but if you read the really fine print of the of the Death Panel Creation Act, they can go anywhere.
Oh no! But they have to do it in a humane way, right, putting people to sleep quietly with an injection?
Blog Guy, I am one American who is sick and tired of dehumanizing medical procedures. My own pet peeve is the eye exam.
Really? The EYE exam? That’s what bothers you?
Sure. Read those letter. Ooooh, sorry, you got them all wrong. Either you’re stupid or you need glasses.
First, let me thank you all for coming in to audition. Looks like a great group of actors here.
You will all be trying out for parts in our edgy new play, Peter Pain.
Excuse me Mr. Director, I think there’s a typo here. Don’t you mean Peter PAN?
Blog Guy, I’m SO pumped! I’ve never been any good at sports, but yesterday I saw a reference to one that could be perfect for me!
That’s great. What is it?
You’re not even going to believe it. DOWNHILL bike racing!
Can you imagine? I mean, how athletic do I have to be to sit on a bike and steer the handlebars while gravity does the rest?
Blog Guy, since the passage of the new health care reform you’ve been great about following the creation of those Government Death Panels that will go door-to-door deciding if we live or die. Is there anything new on them?
Yes, but I need to correct you. They won’t go “door-to-door.” They will visit carefully screened addresses, where somebody sent an e-mail to email@example.com to point out that the resident has been sneezing a lot, or walking with a limp or something.
Prepare to be dazzled. I think I can step in here to solve a puzzling medical mystery, just like that Dr. House guy on television.
We have a story saying this rock guitarist claims he got sick after taking too many Viagra tablets, and “could not see straight for days.”
Blog Guy, I have a question about the new healthcare plan. See, I have a special girlfriend and I want to know if she’s covered. Louise is, you know, inflatable. Let’s say she got punctured. Yeah, let’s say that.
Um, just flipping through the new law, I have to say I don’t believe Louise is covered.
Quick quiz: This photograph shows…
a) A family enjoying dinner out at Ye Olde Benihana of Camelot.
b) A scene from an upcoming episode of The Tudors, when that sniveling Culpepper gets what’s coming to him.
c) A very early version of the Cuisinart, in a 1562 Williams-Sonoma catalog. Like everything else, it cost $299.95.
Quick quiz: Who would you LEAST like to find out is a bogus, untrained fraud?
a) The guy fixing your washing machine
b) The yard man trimming your magnolias
c) The accountant preparing your taxes
d) The plastic surgeon doing your breast implants
Yeah, I think most of us would have to go with that breast implant thing.
In Venezuela, police have arrested a man and woman accused of impersonating plastic surgeons and providing women with silicon breast and buttock implants from an illegal clinic in an apartment.
Police were tipped off by a former client, and caught the suspects in an apartment which contained surgical equipment and a surgical table.