Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

It’s quiet, the Death Panel must be reloading

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hunters 1 490

Blog Guy, I’ve appreciated your items on those Government Death Panels that came with the health care reform package. You’re the only one who tells it like it is. I mean, just you and Fox News.

As I understand it, they have to come to our home, right? They can’t do anything in public?

hunters combo 260Sorry, but if you read the really fine print of the of the Death Panel Creation Act, they can go anywhere.

Oh no! But they have to do it in a humane way, right, putting people to sleep quietly with an injection?

Are you an optometrist or a pessimist?

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eye test combo 490

Blog Guy, I am one  American who is sick and tired of dehumanizing medical procedures. My own pet peeve is the eye exam.

Really? The EYE exam? That’s what bothers you?

eye test 340Sure. Read those letter. Ooooh, sorry, you got them all wrong. Either you’re stupid or you need glasses.

Gosh, it looks like they’re really flying!

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COLOMBIA/

First, let me thank you all for coming in to audition. Looks like a great group of actors here.

hooks woman 240You will all be trying out for parts in our edgy new play, Peter Pain.

Excuse me Mr. Director, I think there’s a typo here. Don’t you mean Peter PAN?

It’s downhill all the way, baby!

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LATVIA/

Blog Guy, I’m SO pumped! I’ve never been any good at sports, but yesterday I saw a reference to one that could be perfect for me!

LATVIA/That’s great. What is it?

You’re not even going to believe it. DOWNHILL bike racing!

Can you imagine? I mean, how athletic do I have to be to sit on a bike and steer the handlebars while gravity does the rest?

Honey, the Death Panel is here! It’s for you!

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death squads 1

Blog Guy, since the passage of the new health care reform you’ve been great about following the creation of those Government Death Panels that will go door-to-door deciding if we live or die. Is there anything new on them?

Yes, but I need to correct you. They won’t go “door-to-door.” They will visit carefully screened addresses, where somebody sent an e-mail to death@deathpanels.gov to point out that the resident has been sneezing a lot, or walking with a limp or something.

Guitarist gets the blues, lots of them…

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Prepare to be dazzled. I think I can step in here to solve a puzzling medical mystery, just like that Dr. House guy on television.

playboy 3d 2 300We have a story saying this rock guitarist claims he got sick after taking too many Viagra tablets, and “could not see straight for days.”

A loophole in healthcare reform?

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INDIA

Blog Guy, I have a question about the new healthcare plan. See, I have a special girlfriend and I want to know if she’s covered. Louise is, you know, inflatable. Let’s say she got punctured. Yeah, let’s say that.

party doll crop 240Um, just flipping through the new law, I have to say I don’t believe Louise is covered.

Snake away your tooth decay!

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LEBANON/

Blog Guy, I’m coming to you for help because of your background in oral hygiene.

What can I do about those deposits of gristle that get stuck between my teeth after a good meal? I brush weekly, but still some of that stuff won’t go away.

Oh please, we’re all thinking the same thing!

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GERMANY/

Quick quiz: This photograph shows…

cucumber crop 280a) A family enjoying dinner out at Ye Olde Benihana of Camelot.

b) A scene from an upcoming episode of The Tudors, when that sniveling Culpepper gets what’s coming to him.

c)  A very early version of the Cuisinart, in a 1562 Williams-Sonoma catalog. Like everything else, it cost $299.95.

When the breasts are fake, and so is the doctor…

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Quick quiz: Who would you LEAST like to find out is a bogus, untrained fraud?

FRANCEa) The guy fixing your washing machine

b) The yard man trimming your magnolias

c) The accountant preparing your taxes

d) The plastic surgeon doing your breast implants

Yeah, I think most of us would have to go with that breast implant thing.

In Venezuela, police have arrested a man and woman accused of impersonating plastic surgeons and providing women with silicon breast and buttock implants from an illegal clinic in an apartment.

Police were tipped off by a former client, and caught the suspects in an apartment which contained surgical equipment and a surgical table.