Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

They do WHAT to themselves?

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Well, it’s time for my holiday posting, so let’s see if I can find some nice Easter Bunny shots, or….

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

PHILIPPINES/You know, as I sometimes remind readers, my job is to look at pictures so you don’t have to, and around the world, Good Friday seems to be getting bloodier and bloodier.

Some snippets from our photo captions:

More than a dozen Filipinos were nailed to crosses and others whipped their backs until they were bloody in a re-enactment of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on Good Friday. The Catholic Church disapproves of the annual ritual of devotion…

A penitent’s feet are nailed to a wooden cross… A penitent’s hand is nailed to a wooden cross…

Stuff that annoys me, if I must say so…

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USA-STARBUCKS/Blog Guy, I know you have opinions. What kind of stuff really irritates you?

Gosh, the usual. War, poverty, the Dutch…

No, let me stop you right there. See, those are the big things that you HAVE to mention. But what about little annoying things in the course of your own daily life?

I’m pretty much a live and let live, roll with the punches sort of dude. Great life, no complaints.

Can’t walk on the catwalk?

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GEORGIA/

Boss, the models are complaining about their food again.

Lonnie, I get so tired of this! What do they expect, real meat?

fashion fall crop 220Well Boss, some of them say they’re not even getting enough nutrition to make it to the end of the runway and back without stopping for a rest.

Why, we’ve even had members of the audience trying to feed them to get them back up on their feet.

You got a flare for the dramatic, Lamar!

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FRANCE/

Okay boys, some of you have never been in a big-time protest march before, so pay close attention.

flares crop 240We’re gonna walk through town waving these burning flares and it will be awesome!

How to spot a Death Panel when it comes for you

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Blog Guy, now that this healthcare reform stuff has passed, I guess I have the same question as everybody else.

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It’s about those government Death Panels, the ones that will decide if we live or die. I need to know how to spot them when they come to my door. My plan is to slap on a fake goatee, go into a thick Latvian accent, and walk out right past them.

She’s choking! Save the shoes!

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Blog Guy, I’m dating a fashion model…

Hey, that must be neat.

fashion heimlich crop 260It is, but I worry. She eats so little, and sometimes a raisin or a pea will go down the wrong way and she starts to choke.

So I figure I should learn that lifesaving Heimlich Maneuver.

Okay, first, you don’t want to use the standard Heimlich on her. You need the Size Zero Heimlich.

Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much…

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BRITAIN/

Blog Guy, may I introduce a serious topic here please?

I wish you wouldn’t. This is supposed to be a humor blog, even if that isn’t always obvious.

BRITAIN/Thanks. I know you love animals. Our pet polar bear has been despondent lately. You know, moody, depressed. His penguin friends who come over seem the same way. Maybe it has to do with that global warming thing.

Sweaty sport is all pawn, no brawn

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Blog Guy, you used to be so good at covering stupid sports, but not lately. Come on! Your blog is the only place we can go to read about the really offbeat sports the big networks don’t want us to see!

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That’s a fair point. Let me make it up to you with Flop Sweat Chess.

Excuse me?

Yeah, these guys are playing chess in a thermal bath, as you can see by the thick presence of steam and vapor and perspiration.

How very proud his parents must be!

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tattoo bangkok 490

Well Mr. Johnson, we want to thank you for applying to be a U.S. Secret Service agent.

You seem to be just the sort of candidate we look for. Short hair, well-dressed, clean cut, nice smile.

Fatty pork and rotten eggs for lunch?

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Blog Guy, I know first lady Michelle Obama cares about a lot of good causes. Which do you think is most important to her?

OBAMA/I think childhood nutrition, though I don’t necessarily agree with her on that. She just released her new school lunch menu, and it included fatty pork products and apparently rotten eggs. Can you imagine?