Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Eugene, please have a seat…

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Say, Blog Guy, I’ve been wondering about that guy who’s sort of a living legend in your blog. You know who I mean.

Of course. You’re talking about none other than Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson.

Is it true that there is only the one photo of him, and after that he just vanished?

Yes. I’ve used that single photo eight times in my blog, an all-time record. I have detectives out scouring the world for Eugene. That’s a lot of money down the drain.

Duchess, the sun never sets on the British vampire…

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I’ll admit I was skeptical when I saw photos of the cast of yet another TV movie about Prince William and Kate Middleton. Did we really need this? I mean, I guess maybe if they found a dead ringer to play Kate… Nope, that’s not it…

Let’s see, according to IMDB, the movie was shot in ROMANIA? Huh? Well, that’s different. Now I get it! These clever folks have added an element of horror to the story:

Can YOU pass the Budapest Test?

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Blog Guy, I know you have a background in education. What is the most widely accepted test to identify people with extremely low IQs?

The standard practice is just to look for people who wear baseball caps backwards. It’s foolproof, so to speak.

So, Doc, is it a boy or a girl?

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard our elected officials don’t earn much, and they have to find ways to supplement their income. Is that true?

Uh-oh, I suppose you’re going to ask me about former vice president Spiro T. Agnew, right?

This restroom ain’t for resting, pal…

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Blog Guy, last year you wrote about a business that was putting timers in their toilets, so that the lights would turn off after 10 minutes, even if the employees weren’t finished.

I wondered if anybody else is experimenting with ways to get people to spend less time in the bathroom?

Hey! You want a piece of Joe?

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Blog Guy, it’s been a while since you wrote about those Government Death Panels that Sarah Palin warned us about. I suppose you’ve been frightened off the story, like the rest of the media?

No way. I’ve just been undercover, learning about the organizational structure of the panels.

Look, Honey, a free vacation cruise!

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We may have hit the acme of absurdity. We should plant our flag and turn back.

Let me explain. I work at home, and I am interrupted daily by automated calls trying  to fool me in some way. I don’t believe it should be legal to intrude on privacy like this, but I don’t make the laws.

Last week, I answered a robotic call and heard, “Congratulations! This household has been selected to receive an absolutely free vacation cruise! Press one for more information, or two to be taken off the list.”

Mystery brunette with Prince William?

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Blog Guy, I’m confused. I was walking past a toy shop in London and I saw a doll that looked like Prince William.

He was packaged with a female doll dressed as a bride. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place her.

You’ll have to wrestle me for the check

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Well, Lamar, I have to tell you I’m excited. It was a big decision putting you totally in charge of every aspect of our new restaurant. Millions of dollars are riding on this, but I thought you deserved your chance.

Gee, thanks, Boss. I think you’ll be very glad you did.

So, talk me through it. Looks like the opening day lunch crowd is starting to arrive at Lamar’s.

Signs that you made a dumb career move

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Blog Guy, your career advice is very useful, especially your tips on possible indicators that we may have taken the wrong career path at some point. Thanks to your last one, my brother got out of the bee-wearing profession.

Thanks. Here’s a tip that a surprising number of young urban professionals tend to overlook, what with their busy schedules.