Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

See ya later, crocodile!

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Mr. Johnson, we’re here to apply for one of those “Zoo Performer” jobs you advertised. Can you tell us a little about what we’d have to do?

Sure thing, Chris. You stick your head in a crocodile’s mouth for the amusement of zoo visitors.

Gosh Mr. Johnson, that sounds kind of dangerous!

That’s because you don’t know about the space-age polymer mouth guards our crocodiles wear. These big guys can’t close their mouth, no matter how hard they try.

Mr. Johnson, may I ask a question about the jobs?

Of course, Julie.

Those polymer things sound great, but it still seems like these huge reptiles could turn dangerous.

If it ain’t broke, don’t call us…

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Hello, thank you for calling Lamar’s Fix-It and Fried Okra Shop. How may I direct your call?

What do you mean direct my call? You have different departments?

No, just the fried okra and repair thing. You know our motto, “If it ain’t broke, we’ll pretend to fix it anyway.”

Abe! How’s life at your Gettysburg address?

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or am I seeing lots of photos of Abraham Lincoln in the news these days?

Yes, I’ve noticed it, too. Most recently with presidential candidate Michele Bachmann greeting a Lincoln lookalike at a Republican dinner in Iowa a couple of days ago.

You’re lacking in your hacking!

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Lamar, get in my office!

What’s up, Boss?

Look, you’ve had enough time! I told you if you want to make it in journalism, you need to hack into some voice messages, and I want to see what you’ve got. We’re on deadline!

I think you’ll be pretty happy, Boss. Look at this one. “It’s me. Pick up tuna fish and vodka on the way home.”

Earn big bucks without knowing anything!

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I swear, I don’t know why I keep getting suckered by these lame “list” stories. For instance, Ten Jobs that Don’t Require a Degree.

Please, let me save you the trouble of reading it. Basically, these are 10 jobs that may not require a college degree, but to get them you have to take really crappy entry-level jobs and work your way up, if you live long enough.

Giving us the creeps?

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Blog Guy, last week you wrote about an opinion poll naming Casey Anthony the “most hated person in America.”

You said of the people who had heard of her, 94 percent didn’t like her. But you also said that 57 percent found her creepy. Was that a different poll?

Honey, I’m on my way!

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Blog Guy, you know that place in Siberia you say is the goofiest place on earth? I think you call it Wackytown, and you organize tours there.

Sure. Krasnoyarsk. There’s no other place like it. You should come with us. What are you looking for?

Von Trapped with no way out?

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What’s wrong, Blog Guy? You look very frightened and upset.

I am. A neighbor told me about an event involving Nazis and dog bites and bee stings and…and…maybe yodeling.

That sounds vicious. What is this thing?

You know that 1965 Julie Andrews movie, “The Sound of Music,” about a woman who works for a naval officer in a land-locked country as the governess for his hundreds of obnoxious children?

Michele Bachmann, the wurst winner ever?

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“I am Ioway born and bred, and on Ioway corn I’m fed…” **

Hey Blog Guy, so Michele Bachmann won that Iowa thing. What do you think swung it her way?

Cheese it! It’s Wonder Woman!

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Blog Guy, you have a lot of inside info on politics and I’m hoping you can clear something up for me. I’ve heard that Sarah Palin may actually be Wonder Woman.

Whoa! You may be on to something there, Ace.

It all fits! Palin rides a motorcycle, just like the real Wonder Woman, and she always travels with her faithful calf, Shep, and her wise-cracking sidekick, Todd….