According to the founder of the World Toilet Organization, the reason people are so reluctant to talk about hygiene is that it isn’t cool. He may have a point.

Television and movies show us what’s cool, and they don’t show toilets. Sure, Fonzie frequently checked out his hair in the bathroom, but you just saw a mirror.

All of this could have been different if the toilet lobby had gotten into product placement early on.

Imagine the coolest characters in movie history. What if…

• Dirty Harry emerged from the men’s room to blast the punks, waddling with his trousers around his ankles…
• The last line in the immortal “Casablanca” was, “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Stop a sec, I gotta wizz…”
• In “The Great Escape,” Steve McQueen escaped the Nazis by pulling his motorcycle into a rest stop and slipping into a men’s room stall.
• The iconic quote was: “Bond, James Bond. You got a crapper I can use?”

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Above: Actors Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet slide down a large inflatable toilet slide for the premiere of the animated feature “Flushed Away” in New York City in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

Below: The actual bathroom of the late actor Roddy MacDowell is on display at the Hollywood History Museum in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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Blog Guy, you’ve written a lot in past years about your Christmas spirit and holiday mood, and this year I feel the same! Merry Christmas! What a joyous season! Eh?

Oh, I don’t know…

What are you talking about? It’s your favorite time of year! I thought nothing could dampen your spirit!

It’s just that I’ve seen something…. Something horrible. Something no human should ever have to watch.

I don’t care WHAT you saw, it shouldn’t douse the Christmas flame! Chestnuts on an open fire, sleigh rides, peace on earth…. Little children.

God bless us, every one! Buck up, Blog Guy!

Yeah, I suppose you’re right, friendly stranger. Say, would you mind clicking on this video below? Turn your volume way up….

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Quick quiz: This traditional folk festival in Colombia….

• Commemorates the native people’s struggle for freedom
• Is nearly 300 years old
• Features colorful horseback choreography
• Is a majestic tribute to Marge Simpson

Wait a minute, Blog Guy! If it’s 300 years old, how could it have anything to do with a 20th century cartoon character? Do you get my point?

I do indeed. Thanks for setting me straight, stranger.

And readers, please come back tomorrow for photos from the 200th anniversary of Seattle’s Betty and Veronica Festival…

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Performers dressed as natives take part in a traditional folk festival in San Martin in the province of Meta November 15, 2009. The annual festival, which has at least 270 years of history, commemorates the native people’s struggle for freedom against Spanish colonization. REUTERS/John Vizcaino

Marge Simpson on Playboy cover…

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Blog Guy, I know you’re always making fun of bizarre fashion show outfits, but they can’t ALL be that bad. Is it fair for you to only show a designer’s strangest creations?

I guess you’re right. A few days ago I got a lot of traffic, and comments, on a post showing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal, which featured a model wearing only shoes and trousers.

I heard from the designer himself, who thanked me for showing his design and shared some of his other stuff with me.

As you can see in this combo shot above, Tayyab doesn’t ONLY create men’s clothes for The Shirtless Look.

For instance, there’s also the Red Vest and No Shirt Look. Close your eyes and picture Art Carney on “The Honeymooners.” “Hey there, Ralphie boy!”

Then there is this OTHER thing, sort of a half-shirt with straps. Tayyab tells me it’s supposed to represent the hardships of the Pakistani Army in war zones.

Now, that makes perfect sense to me. If I wore that thing in a war zone - or  heck, even to buy a Big Gulp down at my neighborhood 7-Eleven - I guess I’d expect hardships as well.

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Bottom: A model takes to the catwalk wearing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal during Fashion Pakistan Week in Karachi on November 7, 2009. REUTERS/Adrees Latif

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Blog Guy, you must be familiar with the works of the prophetic writer Nostradamus. What was the three-word phrase which he predicted would trigger the end of life as we know it?

You know very well what the phrase is.

Yeah, but I want to see it in your blog.

Fine. It’s “turd-shaped balloon.” Are you happy?

The only reason I’m willing to use it is that it showed up in a photo caption this week, so the cosmic chain of events has now begun. We are told in this actual caption that folks in a protest march are carrying a “turd-shaped balloon.”

Where on earth do you even go to BUY such a thing?

I suppose Turd-Shaped Balloons R Us.

“So this is the best turd-shaped balloon you sell, Mr. Johnson? Gosh, it looks more like one of those swirly chocolate cones from a frozen yogurt chain.

“I don’t mean to seem critical, I’m just not sure it’s completely obvious what it is. Could you perhaps, you know… You won’t? Oh. Well, is there any way we could make the balloon stink?”

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Above: People carry a turd-shaped balloon during a march to protest against the lifting of a U.S. beef ban by the Taiwan government, in Taipei November 14, 2009. REUTERS/Nicky Loh

Below: Nostradamus portrait

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Okay, I’m big enough to admit when I was wrong.

I’ve devoted several items recently to a wild conspiracy theory about a nefarious plot by prominent people who wear white hats to secretly identify themselves to each other.

Readers pointed out photos of everybody from Brad Pitt and the Dalai Lama to Madonna and boxer Jake “Raging Bull” LaMotta, and I poked fun at their theories.

Needless to say, that was before I saw a video clip on our own reuters.com of actress Salma Hayek in Cairo, spouting absolute gibberish about taking her kid to the Pyramids and crap like that.

The piece is so totally devoid of news value that it could ONLY have been filed for the conspiracy, to share a coded message from Hayek in her white hat.

Of course, since this clip was posted by one of my own colleagues, now would be the point in any slasher movie where I would learn that the call came from inside the house.

So now that I have no idea who I can trust, I’m going underground. I’ll blog from an undisclosed location and watch my back. Come to think of it, that’s not much of a change for me.

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Combo top left: Honduras’ ousted President Manuel Zelaya, October 8, 2009. REUTERS/Edgard Garrido

Combo top right: Peru’s President Alan Garcia, October 22, 2009. REUTERS/Enrique Castro-Mendivil

Combo bottom left: Tibet’s exiled spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, September 30, 2009. REUTERS/Pool

Combo bottom right: Actor Brad Pitt, July 2, 2008. REUTERS/Chris Serrano

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Blog Guy, I’m planning a trip to Russia soon and as a hotshot travel writer you know a lot about different cuisines. So like, in Moscow, is there anything I should avoid?

It all depends on your taste, but for the time being I’d steer clear of cheap kebab places.

Gosh, if you can’t trust a cheap kebab house in Moscow, what CAN you trust? Any special reason to avoid them?

Only that Russian police have arrested three homeless people suspected of eating a 25-year-old man they had butchered, and selling other bits of the corpse to a local kebab house.

Oh. But apart from that, no there’s no other problem with kebab houses there?

Uh, not apart from that human meat aspect, no.  Knock yourself out.

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Above: Russian President Dmitry Medvedev (C) shares food with Cuban leader Raul Castro (L) in the official residence Zavidovo outside Moscow January 29, 2009. Medvedev hosted Castro with kebabs, salted wild boar’s fat and vodka. REUTERS/Alexander Zemlianichenko/Pool

Below: A worker cuts meat from a spit in a Kebab restaurant in Dortmund, Germany, in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Ina Fassbender

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Blog Guy, prepare for your ultimate throw-down! You’re good at coming up with fantasy photos for your readers. Do you think there’s any limit to your archive?

None whatsoever.

Okay, I’m drawing random names from two different drums. One contains the stars of the old sitcom “Seinfeld,” and the other contains everybody else who ever lived. First, I’d like to see, uh, Jason Alexander, with, let’s see, U.S. Senator Richard Lugar.

Here you go. This one is from last Friday, unless you prefer one of their earlier pairings.

That’s stunning! Okay, now I want Jerry Seinfeld with - aha! - Shimon Peres, the President of Israel!

Okay, check this out.

My God! You’re diabolical! Next I want Julia Louis-Dreyfus, with former first lady Mamie Eisenhower.

Oh, sorry, only two requests per reader. I can’t make exceptions. It’s a shame, too, because that one is a real doozy…

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Above: Actor Jason Alexander (R) is greeted by Senator Richard Lugar (R-IN), ranking Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, to discuss Israel and the Palestinian Territories on behalf of the ONEVOICE Peaceworks Foundation on Capitol Hill in Washington, November 13, 2009.  REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Below: Israel’s President Shimon Peres (R) meets comedian Jerry Seinfeld in Jerusalem, November 23, 2007, in this handout photo by the Israeli Government Press Office (GPO). REUTERS/Moshe Milner/GPO/Handout

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Blog Guy, you blogged several times about the missing skull of German writer Friedrich Schiller. I see there’s another famous missing skull now, belonging to Australian outlaw Ned Kelly.

Right. Ned, whose real name was Ed, was the son of Red. Ned was a bushranger and killer, whose gang wore body armor that made them nearly unstoppable.

Wow. What’s a bushranger?

It’s Australian for what we would call a big fat dumbass. Ned and his gang were finally stopped in an 1880 shootout at an Australian inn, I guess sort of like an Outback Steakhouse or something.

Ned was captured and hanged. His skull was stolen, but now it may have been found.

Do you think this really is his skull?

Probably. If you look closely at the video screen grab above, you can see “E. Kelly” carved in the skull. I can’t see anybody else doing something that painful to himself.

Geez, Blog Guy, couldn’t ANYBODY have just carved that into this skull, ANYTIME?

Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that! I like it, because it makes room for my own personal pet theory.

Which is?

This is really the skull of  Friedrich Schiller.

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Body armor of Ned Kelly, on display at the State Library of Victoria in Melbourne, March 13, 2008. REUTERS/Mick Tsikas

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Blog Guy, I read that Clint Eastwood got a major honor from France on Friday, presented by French President Nicolas Sarkozy himself. Awesome!

Yeah, but Sarkozy tried being an even tougher guy than Eastwood, and got all up in his face like he was gonna punch him. It wouldn’t surprise me if…

Blog Guy, you’re pathetic. Sarkozy and Eastwood got along great. If you read the caption, you’ll see the “tough guy” Sarkozy photo was from some other event, three weeks ago.

Okay, this is happening WAY too often, that readers are learning stuff from the real captions. I think it’s time for extreme measures on my part.

You’ll start reading them yourself?

Nah, I’ll just stop running them.

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Above: France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy chairs a meeting with health care industry managers at the Elysee Palace in Paris, October 26, 2009. REUTERS/ Jacques Brinon/Pool

Below: U.S. actor and director Clint Eastwood (L) reacts with France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy after he was named as a Commandeur de la Legion d’Honneur in Paris, November 13, 2009. REUTERS/Thibault Camus/Pool

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