Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Have you never SEEN decorations, Mr. President?

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Honey, was that the doorbell? Could you see who it is, please?

Sweetie, it’s the president!

President Obama?

Yeah. He’s here for some kind of a surprise inspection of our Christmas decorations.

Oh crap, it’s decoration inspection time already? Quick, put a plate of shiny Christmas balls on the table, and I’ll get our holiday mugs. Maybe that”ll satisfy him.

Where’s that damned little tree, and that snowman for the wall?

I hate to say this, Sweetie, but I don’t think he’s ever gonna leave! He’s been here for three hours, talkin’ about tinsel and blinking lights. It’s almost time for “CSI: Miami.”

Well, he IS the president, so be patient. Say, why did you put out that extra Christmas place mat?

Nine things I’ll miss most about this blog

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Let’s get the sad news out of the way first.

After an exhilarating five-year run, this blog is ending its run here. Websites change, and take new directions.

The slightly better news is that we have a couple of weeks until my final post, so let’s have fun.

When party smalltalk gets out of control

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Blog Guy, I have a very specific fashion need and I hope you can help with it.

I go to a lot of very fancy affairs, but I have a tendency to say nasty things, and then other guests throw punches at me. What can I wear to protect myself at the holiday parties coming up?

Excuse me. Back up just a minute. You become SO offensive that upscale guests at festive Christmas parties want to punch you out? Is that what you’re saying?

A chance to arm-wrestle WHO?

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Blog Guy, have you planned any special holiday events for your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop in Washington, DC?

You bet we have. We have new photo exhibits called “Goofy CEOs” and “Our Goofy Folks in Uniform.”

Hang on, this isn’t Yangon?

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Blog Guy, I read that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is visiting Myanmar. That’s amazing! Have you been there?

Not to Myanmar, but I was there when they called it Burma.

Oh. Were you in Yangon?

Yes, but they called it Rangoon then.

But it’s the same city, right, the capital?

Rangoon was the capital when I was there, but now the capital is Naypyitaw.

I’m totally confused. Rangoon became Yangon which became Naypyitaw?

No, Yangon is still Yangon, it’s just not the capital any longer.

This is too bizarre. Can you at least confirm that Clinton made it out of the airport safely?

Out of the frying pan and into the fryer…

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Blog Guy, I can’t wait any longer! Has the Williams-Sonoma December catalog arrived yet? I need to get ready for the big holidays!

Yes, and naturally I was drawn to page 120, the Breville Deep Fryer, $149.95. That’s what I want for holiday entertaining, right? I mean, what says, I care about my family’s health better than immersing their food in oil? Especially with those recent studies showing we all need to raise our cholesterol levels.

Where’s your Science and Pie section?

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Hey Blog Guy, I saw a picture of President Obama browsing in a Washington, DC bookstore. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it, that the president is such a devoted reader?

Oh please…

Huh? I thought we would be on the same page about this, so to speak.

Yes, of course reading is a very good thing. But let’s not kid ourselves. Obama was at my neighborhood bookshop, Kramerbooks.

Crawling into bed with Hitler?

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What’s up, Blog Guy? You look disgusted.

I am. Regular readers of this blog know I have little patience with the idea of buying things that belonged to evil people, just to own a bit of history.

To me, a dumbass is a dumbass, whether we’re talking about Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin or Bernard Madoff’s underwear, both of which have been auctioned in the past year.

The best of another goofy month

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November was another month full of news you can use from this blog.

Traffic stats for the 10 most popular items show that readers were especially eager to learn what makes the perfect gift, how to avoid as many of those Kardashians as possible, and what superstars miss most when they’re filming away from home.

They also appreciated my new insights into goofy history, with true stuff like what Abe Lincoln did on the South Lawn, and how King James I amused himself.

Political paraffin-alia?

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Blog Guy, this race for the Republican presidential nomination is getting pretty wild. First one candidate surges ahead, then another, then another. Now they’re saying former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is picking up support.

I think that’s probably true.

You really do? Is that based on your reading of the polls?

No, it’s based on pictures I just saw of new statues of Newt and his wife, at a wax museum.