Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, everybody knows you give the best travel advice. I’m out of my mind, like totally nuts, and I’m looking for a good vacation spot.
Have you been to that viewing platform I wrote about in the Bavarian Alps?
Of course. Opening day.
How about The Ledge at the Sears Tower in Chicago?
Done it four times.
Jeez. Hmmm. Are you willing to go to Canada?
Then you should try this new tourist attraction at the CN Tower in Toronto, where you can traipse around an open-mesh metal walkway almost a quarter of a mile above the ground. There’s no guard rail.
Whoa! There’s nothing holding you?
Yeah, there’s a thin strap, for whatever that’s worth. I know some folks who did it, and they’re crazy, too.
Thank you, Blog Guy! That sounds like just what I’m looking for! What should I wear?
It’s summer, Blog Guy, and that means lots of funny local competitions. I hope you’re monitoring those for your readers.
It’s a vintage Rolls Royce convertible, bristling with firepower. A mounted machine gun, a Lantaka swivel cannon, a double-barrel high-caliber Howdah pistol. And it used to belong to James Bond, right?
Readers of this blog know I’m always amazed that people will spend tons of money to own stuff touched by a genuine dumbass. A Jesse James autograph, Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin, Bernie Madoff’s underwear.
Lamar, you said you had a hot new fashion design to show me. I’m skeptical after that nutty lingerie thing a few days ago, but I’m listening.
Here it is, boss, behold the future!
To the untrained eye, sure. But it’s actually a flexible modular shoe design which allows a woman to make 256 different footwear combinations!
Great news. We have another one of those serious etiquette columns that appear to be aimed at folks who were raised by neanderthals. Early neanderthals, not the more evolved ones.
This particular column tells you how to behave if you are a house guest. If you still need to be told this stuff, then good luck ever getting invited anyplace.
Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice. I recently graduated from college, and Mom gave me a brochure called “The Exciting World of Wing Walking.” I was wondering if I should pursue this?
I guess everybody goes through that phase, including me… We all want to be like Ormer Locklear, the first great daredevil wing walker. THERE was a barnstormer!
Blog Guy, I am really pumped about the Civil War 150th anniversary stuff coming up. Aren’t you?
You bet. I went to the Manassas reenactment over the weekend, and loved it! What I saw was First Manassas, as opposed to Second Manassas, which happened a year later.
Lamar, can I see you in my office?
Uh, when I asked you to set up a designer dress shop, I had something a little different in mind. I count four dresses here. That’s it.
Too many, Boss? I gotcha, keep the customers wanting more. We’ll move half of them back to the storeroom.
I went out this morning and I lost count of the number of people who said, “Hot enough for you?” and “Gonna be a scorcher!”
I never know what to say to things like that.
Such comments are called phatic speech – words used to create an atmosphere of shared feelings, as opposed to imparting information.