Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Throw it! What are you waiting for?

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Mr. Blog Guy, let me say we appreciate you cooperating with this Senate investigation into journalistic practices. I know you’re a busy blogger.

Anything I can do to help Senator. I’m happy to testify.

Now, during your years as a wire service reporter, can you give us an idea what your daily expenses were like? Remember, you are under oath.

Sure. On average, I’d spend maybe $2,000 a day on private detectives, $1,400 to buy info from the cops, $800 on rumors from sleazy street criminals and $4.60 for Utz Potato Chips and Hostess Twinkies from the vending machine in our snack room.

So if my math is correct, that’s more than $4,000 a day, is that your testimony Mr. Blog Guy?

Hey look! I think it’s money!

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Blog Guy, I’m going on vacation soon to that brand-new country, South Sudan, and I need some of your famous travel advice. Should I convert my dollars here, or wait until I get there?

I think you’ll have to do it there. They only introduced their currency a couple of days ago.

Oh honey, I’m home!

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Blog Guy, you used to offer useful tips on how people can tell if they’ve made a bad career choice. Can you please do some more of those?

Sure. Here’s one career test that many young professionals overlook until it is too late.

Baby, we’re goin’ out for head lard!

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Blog Guy, you know how on these hot, sticky summer evenings you get in a real mood for…

I bet you’re going to say lard, right?

You get those cravings too, huh? Man, there just aren’t any good lard restaurants around these days!

Honeydew you need a new phone?

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Blog Guy, I guess cellphones are pretty much a universal sight now. I mean it’s the same thing in every part of the world, isn’t it?

Not everywhere. Over in Jordan, for instance, people still make their calls on huge melons.

High times on the old Marijuana Plantation

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Okay, here’s some interesting news. Turns out soldiers in Mexico have just discovered a huge “marijuana plantation” in the middle of a desert.

The thing covers 300 ACRES, which means the Shuttle astronauts have probably seen it from space, and yet it came as a real surprise to these local troops.

So what’s the worst that could happen?

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Sarge, if it’s okay with you, I’m gonna take a little cigarette break.

Okay Lonnie, there’s not much goin’ on here right now. Say, are you just gonna stand that rocket-propelled grenade up on end like that?

Where could this have come from?

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Jeez, Lamar!

What is it, Boss?

There’s a really, really long, gross, black hair in my lunch! Where the hell did you go for this take-out?

Uttar Pradesh, Boss! I know a really cheap roadside stall there.

But that’s in…  Well, I guess it certainly explains why it took you four days to get back here to Orlando with it.

Rewriting Jane, an Austen-tatious move

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Blog Guy, I read that a handwritten draft of a Jane Austen book that was never published just sold for $1.6 million at auction. The story said it was an unfinished work. She’s my very favorite author!

Yeah, I know all about that. I was the anonymous telephone bidder who bought the draft. I’m eating barbecue ribs and reading her manuscript right now. It’s not bad.

A loco motive for doing this?

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Hey Doctor, it’s me! Earl! I’m calling from out here on the railway line where you sent me. Are you positive this will make me better?

Yes Earl, we’re on the right track.

You say the electrical energy from the rails will cure me, but how do I get it from the train into me?