Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
This is the season when thousands of people are being injured by doing really stupid things with a dangerous gadget, and I guess nothing can be done about it because it’s probably protected by that Second Amendment.
According to a shocking new story, people are doing stuff like cutting the grass in flip-flops, drinking alcohol while they mow, and even talking on the phone or texting.
Excuse me? I am not making this stuff up, I swear.
How does talking on the phone while mowing even work?
“Hey Julie, it’s me, Lamar! Yeah, I’m just here VROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Blog Guy, you seem to have lost some weight, judging from your blog profile photo, and it looks like you’re working out, as well. Please share some health and fitness tips with your readers.
Okay. The first thing is to figure out what you should weigh. There are plenty of free online tools for calculating your Body Mass Index, which is a simple function of your height and weight.
Okay Lamar, your memo said you’ve come up with a totally new fashion concept in women’s apparel. I’m very excited, so show me what you’ve got.
It’s lingerie that you can read, Boss. So if you get bored with your partner, you can at least read what she’s wearing for entertainment.
Blog Guy, thanks for all your coverage of the royal visit by Britain’s Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge. I guess it served its purpose, to raise their profile, huh?
Oh grow up. You think this visit was about them? The Brits have the single most famous piece of jewelry on earth, Catherine’s 18-carat sapphire and diamond ring, and they want to make sure it keeps circulating.
Okay, we already know there are a lot of really stupid people out there, but it may be time to recalibrate my measuring scale.
Lamar, come to my office for a minute.
What’s this big stack of goofy photos I found in the wastebasket?
That’s just overflow, Boss. You know, we bought ‘em for the blog but then the writers couldn’t come up with anything clever.
So it’s the fault of the writers?
Of course, Boss. Isn’t everything?
Lamar, we can’t afford this kind of waste! What have I told you to do with leftover goofy photos?
Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my dermatologist’s sommelier?
Really? On a summer weekend I’m still settling bets for unlikely professionals?
Crap, Willy, what now? What is this thing taking us into town?
Shut up. They don’t have big limousines in Calgary?
Not so much, I guess.
Sigh. What’s on our schedule for day number 840 in Canada?
Uh, let’s see. Hey, it looks like we’re taking part in some kind of a Village People retrospective…
Blog Guy, I know you have close ties to Britain’s royal family, so maybe you can answer a question. Why are Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, spending so much time in Canada?
Look, we’ve been through this before. If you put it in your blog, nobody will even see it.