Blog Guy, I’m planning a trip to Russia soon and as a hotshot travel writer you know a lot about different cuisines. So like, in Moscow, is there anything I should avoid?

It all depends on your taste, but for the time being I’d steer clear of cheap kebab places.

Gosh, if you can’t trust a cheap kebab house in Moscow, what CAN you trust? Any special reason to avoid them?

Only that Russian police have arrested three homeless people suspected of eating a 25-year-old man they had butchered, and selling other bits of the corpse to a local kebab house.

Oh. But apart from that, no there’s no other problem with kebab houses there?

Uh, not apart from that human meat aspect, no.  Knock yourself out.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Russian President Dmitry Medvedev (C) shares food with Cuban leader Raul Castro (L) in the official residence Zavidovo outside Moscow January 29, 2009. Medvedev hosted Castro with kebabs, salted wild boar’s fat and vodka. REUTERS/Alexander Zemlianichenko/Pool

Below: A worker cuts meat from a spit in a Kebab restaurant in Dortmund, Germany, in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Ina Fassbender

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, prepare for your ultimate throw-down! You’re good at coming up with fantasy photos for your readers. Do you think there’s any limit to your archive?

None whatsoever.

Okay, I’m drawing random names from two different drums. One contains the stars of the old sitcom “Seinfeld,” and the other contains everybody else who ever lived. First, I’d like to see, uh, Jason Alexander, with, let’s see, U.S. Senator Richard Lugar.

Here you go. This one is from last Friday, unless you prefer one of their earlier pairings.

That’s stunning! Okay, now I want Jerry Seinfeld with - aha! - Shimon Peres, the President of Israel!

Okay, check this out.

My God! You’re diabolical! Next I want Julia Louis-Dreyfus, with former first lady Mamie Eisenhower.

Oh, sorry, only two requests per reader. I can’t make exceptions. It’s a shame, too, because that one is a real doozy…

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Actor Jason Alexander (R) is greeted by Senator Richard Lugar (R-IN), ranking Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, to discuss Israel and the Palestinian Territories on behalf of the ONEVOICE Peaceworks Foundation on Capitol Hill in Washington, November 13, 2009.  REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Below: Israel’s President Shimon Peres (R) meets comedian Jerry Seinfeld in Jerusalem, November 23, 2007, in this handout photo by the Israeli Government Press Office (GPO). REUTERS/Moshe Milner/GPO/Handout

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you blogged several times about the missing skull of German writer Friedrich Schiller. I see there’s another famous missing skull now, belonging to Australian outlaw Ned Kelly.

Right. Ned, whose real name was Ed, was the son of Red. Ned was a bushranger and killer, whose gang wore body armor that made them nearly unstoppable.

Wow. What’s a bushranger?

It’s Australian for what we would call a big fat dumbass. Ned and his gang were finally stopped in an 1880 shootout at an Australian inn, I guess sort of like an Outback Steakhouse or something.

Ned was captured and hanged. His skull was stolen, but now it may have been found.

Do you think this really is his skull?

Probably. If you look closely at the video screen grab above, you can see “E. Kelly” carved in the skull. I can’t see anybody else doing something that painful to himself.

Geez, Blog Guy, couldn’t ANYBODY have just carved that into this skull, ANYTIME?

Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that! I like it, because it makes room for my own personal pet theory.

Which is?

This is really the skull of  Friedrich Schiller.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Body armor of Ned Kelly, on display at the State Library of Victoria in Melbourne, March 13, 2008. REUTERS/Mick Tsikas

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I read that Clint Eastwood got a major honor from France on Friday, presented by French President Nicolas Sarkozy himself. Awesome!

Yeah, but Sarkozy tried being an even tougher guy than Eastwood, and got all up in his face like he was gonna punch him. It wouldn’t surprise me if…

Blog Guy, you’re pathetic. Sarkozy and Eastwood got along great. If you read the caption, you’ll see the “tough guy” Sarkozy photo was from some other event, three weeks ago.

Okay, this is happening WAY too often, that readers are learning stuff from the real captions. I think it’s time for extreme measures on my part.

You’ll start reading them yourself?

Nah, I’ll just stop running them.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy chairs a meeting with health care industry managers at the Elysee Palace in Paris, October 26, 2009. REUTERS/ Jacques Brinon/Pool

Below: U.S. actor and director Clint Eastwood (L) reacts with France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy after he was named as a Commandeur de la Legion d’Honneur in Paris, November 13, 2009. REUTERS/Thibault Camus/Pool

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, my favorite actress is Marcia Gay Harden. Why isn’t she in more stuff?

Because Marcia divides her time between acting and her real love, working as the captain of a luxury cruise ship.

WHAT?

We caught up with her this week in New York City, aboard the Carnival Dream, tooting the horn, dropping the anchor and stuff, charting a course for Louisville or someplace like that.

Blog Guy, are you out of  your fricking mind? She’s just there to promote a new cruise ship. That’s it.

You know, that’s what I thought at first, too. But look at the caption. It has one of those NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS warnings on it.

So, why would they bring in a famous actress and then not be able to use the pictures for anything? No, I’m sticking with my original guess, that she’s the captain.

Blog Guy, do you always just “guess” at the so-called news you print here?

No, not always. Sometimes I just make it up completely.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Actress Marcia Gay Harden dons Carnival Dream Captain Carlo Queirolo’s hat while touring the ship’s bridge in New York City, November 12, 2009. Harden presided over ship’s naming ceremonies for the new ship. REUTERS/Ray Stubblebine/ Carnival Cruise Lines/HO) FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY. NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay fashion staff, welcome to the future. This is our first test of a bold and radical new process for designing women’s clothing.

As you know, we fed tons of raw data about MEN into a massive new software program, and told the computer to design the perfect creation to appeal to the largest possible number of males.

We fed in detailed data on age, income, location, politics, religion, marital status, hobbies, personal values - you name it - and then punched the big red “CREATE” button.

After three crashes and reboots, here’s the first thing the computer gave us: a trashy-looking floozy with a cheap bleach job, wearing a short dress with several hundred beer bottles hanging from it.

YES! The rest is history - we’ve pre-sold 20 million of these dresses through this blog, and we haven’t even started making them yet! Is life great, or what?

Lamar, how are you coming with the prototype of that second item, the Swiss Cheese and Lunch Meat Blouse?

Go for the bronze! Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

A model presents a creation by Portuguese designer Vitor during the Lisbon Fashion Week in Cascais October 10, 2009. Reuters/Hugo Correia

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay, I have the winner of the coveted title of “Worst Organizer in the Entire History of the Galaxy.”

It’s the person who tried to put together the largest bikini parade ever, in Sydney, in an attempt today to break a world record.

The photo above isn’t from this event, it’s from a different Sydney activity a couple of years ago, where more than 1,000 bikini-clad women got together for something or other.

It’s not rocket science. It’s summer down there, and you can’t go anywhere within a hundred MILES of Sydney without pushing your way through busty chicks in skimpy swimwear. You get sick of ‘em after a while.

And yet, for today’s big record-breaking attempt, they managed to get a grand total of only 228 people together in swimsuits. Here’s a photo of the pathetic effort, on the right.

The sheer ineptitude boggles the mind. How did they screw it up? Why couldn’t they get… Oh wait, I may have spotted the problem…

Slideshow of today’s effort

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Top: Women dressed in bikinis pose for a photographer on Sydney’s Bondi Beach in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Tim Wimborne

Right: People in swimsuits dance during an attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest swimwear parade at one time, in Sydney, November 12, 2009. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Welcome to the story that cannot be satirized. It’s already THAT good.

It seems the designer of the Kalashnikov rifle was just named a “Hero of Russia” by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, who lauded him for creating “the brand every Russian is proud of.”

Please remember, I am not making any of this up.

As far as global recognition goes, Mikhail Kalashnikov’s name would be right up there with Death and Hemorrhoids, if those were actual people’s names.

Between real Kalashnikovs and knock-offs, “the brand every Russian is proud of” is often said to have killed more people than any other weapon.

Indeed, “the brand every Russian is proud of” is the weapon of choice among various armies, rebels, gangsters and drug traffickers.

Said the frail, 90-year-old Kalashnikov at the ceremony, “This is not my fault that this weapon is not used where it should.”

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Top: Mikhail Kalashnikov (R), the Russian inventor of the globally popular AK-47 assault rifle, toasts with Russia’s President Dmitry Medvedev during festivities to celebrate his 90th birthday in Moscow, November 10, 2009. REUTERS/ Natalia Kolesnikova/Pool

Middle: Afghan boys, some as young as eight, peer through the broken glass of a window of their prison in Kabul watched by a young guard with a Kalashnikov assault rifle, in a 1996 file photo. REUTERS/Stringer

Bottom: A Russian boy aims a Kalashnikov rifle at the Russian Army’s elite Dzerzhinsky division near the town of Balashikha, outside Moscow, in a 2002 file photo. The Dzerzhinsky division organized a military-style summer camp for juvenile delinquents to teach military discipline and show them contemporary weaponry. REUTERS/Sergei Karpukhin

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, my girlfriend gave me a gift certificate for my birthday, and I’m treating myself to some nice new duds. I wanna be right up there with the latest fashions. What should I get?

That’s simple. Shop around for a nice shirt, and then don’t buy it and don’t wear it. Just go out shirtless.

No shirt? You don’t understand. My neighborhood Applebee’s won’t let me through the door without a shirt.

They’ll have to. Just show them this picture from a fashion show a couple of days ago. It’s 2009, baby! If you’re wearing trousers and shoes, that’s enough.

Amazing. And the chicks are okay with this look?

Well, they don’t seem too upset in this runway photo. Look, one woman has actually lost her mind and started to clap, like she’s at some fricking Chippendales revue. She seems a little too easy to entertain, if you ask me.

Pass the ketchup and  Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

A model takes to the catwalk wearing a creation by Pakistani designer Tayyab Bombal during Fashion Pakistan Week in Karachi on November 7, 2009. REUTERS/Adrees Latif

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I see you’re Mister Travel Blogger these days. What’s the hot new trend in leisure travel?

These days, lots of readers come to me and say, “Bob, we’re tired of staying in luxury hotels when we travel. We would prefer to experience what it’s like to be a small rodent.”

Really? You get that a lot?

All the time. So I tell them about “Hamster’s Villa,” over there in France, where for $148 you can sleep in the 18th century caretaker’s room designed to give the impression of living in a hamster’s cage, complete with a six-foot wheel to run in.

You just run and that wheel goes around and you don’t get anywhere?

Exactly. So what do you do, stranger?

I’m an office worker. You know, cubicle, conference calls, spreadsheets, the usual.

Cool. So then the Hamster Villa would be a real change of pace for you, huh?

Go for the big thrills. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

French architect Frederic Tabary poses inside the “Hamster’s Villa”, imagined and conceived by Tabary together with architect Yann Falquerho, in Nantes, France, November 8, 2009. For 99 euros ($148) a night, guests can sleep in the 18th century caretaker’s room designed to give the impression of living in a hamster’s cage, complete with a wheel to run in. REUTERS/Stephane Mahe

More stuff from Oddly Enough