Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

So I’m not the sexiest man alive?

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Boss, you got a minute for a private chat?

Sure Lamar, what’s up?

I’m kinda depressed. “People Magazine” just announced its “Sexiest Man Alive” choice for this year, and once again, it wasn’t me.

I can see where that would be a blow to somebody with your unusual looks, Lamar. Who got it this time?

Some actor named Bradley Cooper.

It keeps goin’ to guys like George Clooney, Matt Damon, Harrison Ford. Some of them have won twice, and I can’t even get it once.

Do these guys look all that great to you Boss? Seems like they only give it to famous people.

You feelin’ fertile, Myrtle?

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Blog Guy, I’m hoping you can help answer a question for me. Where do babies come from?

Er, uh, you should probably ask your parents about that.

They told me to ask you, then they went off to work in their haberdashery.

Oh. Well, when a a man and a woman love each other very much, they pick up the phone and order a delivery from the Sperm Bike, which pedals over with a gallon of baby-starter.

You’re Putin that drill in my mouth?

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Blog Guy, you haven’t updated us on Ronald Basler recently. You remember, you keep getting his spam at your e-mail address?

Things seemed to be looking better for him the last time, what with getting a Russian bride and taking a Napa getaway and everything.

You got STUFF twirling in your head?

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Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t even begin to improve on this video clip.

In an interview with the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal, Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain is asked whether he agreed with President Obama on Libya.

“Okay, Libya…” Cain says, like a sixth-grader pausing before spelling Mississippi. He adjusts a bottle of water for no apparent reason.

Hey, I never said I’m proud of myself!

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Blog Guy, I’ve just started a new blog, and I could use some advice from a veteran like yourself. What do you do if you want to get a lot of traffic, but you don’t want to work very hard for it?

That’s called cheap pandering to readers with click-bait, and blogging professionals don’t do it.

Buy, buy Miss American Pie…

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Blog Guy, do you have a personal guiding philosophy of life? You know, three or four words that express your world view?

It’s funny you should ask. I didn’t until today, but now I do, thanks to the cover of a catalog that came in the mail.

Voters are kept in the dark?

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Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What is it this time, Boss?

It’s your pictures from that Republican debate! They’re too dark. I can’t even tell who these people are!

Oh. That one on top is Rick Perry, I think, or maybe Michele Bachmann. It’s not my fault, Boss. This was the debate they held entirely in the dark.

Are these the missing links?

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Blog Guy, I want to order one of those elaborate fantasy photos you set up for your readers. You know, the really strange stuff, like that hotel suite with chocolate furniture, and like Sylvester Stallone’s bathroom, and…

What did you have in mind?

Brace yourself. Mine involves a gigantic electromagnet, Justin Bieber, Mount Rushmore, the…

Stretching the truth?

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Blog Guy, you know that Dmitry Medvedev guy who is President of Russia? He’s kind of strange looking. Can you use Photoshop or something like that to distort a picture of him and make him look even goofier?

No. I never, ever use Photoshop to manipulate news pictures in this blog. It isn’t ethical.

Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…

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Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.

Sure, that’s what I’m here for.

See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.

Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.