Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Join the army, and pamper yourself!

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Now, if you just sign on the dotted line, son, it’ll be official. You’ll be a private in the U.S. Army.

I don’t know sir, I’m still not sure about this.

Look, I’m a professional recruiter, so I have to be totally honest with you. What’s holding you back, young man?

Well, I’ve seen a lot of movies about the soldier’s life, living in damp tents or slummy barracks…

Why didn’t you say so? Just look at this picture of a new recruit in his own room at basic training. These are the new barracks.

Let’s see, governor, there’s Moe, Curly and…

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It’s supposed to be the fourth thing that slips your mind. You know, you go to the store and remember the tuna fish and floor wax and avocados, but not the toilet paper.

But ANYBODY can remember three things.

Anybody but Texas Governor Rick Perry, that is. He declared at last night’s Republican debate that he planned to eliminate three government agencies but then could only remember two of them, Commerce and Education.

It’s your turn to go “quack-quack,” Jim

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Blog Guy, you don’t seem to be too fond of hunting. I guess that’s just because you love animals?

Look, I’d really, really like it to be just because of my feelings about animals, and my opposition to cruelty and suffering and stuff like that…

How about a greasy kebab, Your Majesty?

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Blog Guy, I see Britain’s Queen Elizabeth just spent 11 days visiting Australia. That must be a huge logistical undertaking involving thousands of aides, security folks, drivers….

Nothing could be further from the truth. The queen is remarkably self-reliant, and instructed her staff “not to make a fuss over me.”

Step right up for the Creep Show Hall of Fame!

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Blog Guy, I know it’s only November, but I’m wondering how you’re coming along in your search for the blog’s coveted Creep Show of the Year Award.

Oh, don’t worry about that, it’s a done deal. It’s a Creep-o-Rama, Creep-a-Palooza…

When superstars shoot on location…

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I can’t believe they have the nerve to call this dump a supermarket!

But Ms. Jolie, this isn’t America. Things are different over here.

Really? Things are SO different that I can’t even buy Budweiser or Velveeta for Brad? What the hell are we supposed to live on?

Well, maybe you and Mr. Pitt could try some other kind of processed cheese product while you’re working here, Ms. Jolie….

Nobody gets off THIS train, pal!

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Blog Guy, I know you’re closely following the race for the Republican presidential nomination. I’m a little surprised you haven’t chosen a Quote of the Week yet for last week.

It goes to candidate Herman Cain, who told reporters, “When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”

$2,250? You’re off your trolley!

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Blog Guy, has your Thanksgiving Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived yet? I can’t wait to see what expensive specialty gadgets we need to help us prepare the most traditional meal of all.

Indeed it did arrive, but I confess I stopped at the massive holiday cocktail section and got no further.

Say “I’ll be back,” Duchess….

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Blog Guy, it’s me, the one you got hooked on pictures of Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge.

I’ve told you, I got a lot of people hooked on her, with my “first one’s always free” policy.

Space dudes come “home” from stupid trip

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Okay, I thought this was a goofy idea 17 months ago, and I haven’t changed my mind.

Back in mid-2010, I made fun of a Russian science experiment where six guys were about to “simulate” a trip to Mars, by spending 520 days in a mock “spaceship” on Earth.